Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Aaron’s Super Dooper Deluxe Spooooooooky October Halloween Edition of Classic Corner!

Ladies, Gentlemen, Poison Ghouls…gather round, for it’s that time of year where things begin to go bump in the night, where ghosties and ghoulies and long-legged beasties come forth from the shadows and bring fright to the night with devilish delight! That’s right, my fellow gore fiends, it’s Halloween!

It's the best holiday of the year! Even better than Christmas! And here at E14, we’re celebrating it balls deep! We’ve got a whole bunch of goodies ahead with double-down favourites from Aaron’s treasure trove of horror delights, plus a whole load of extras to keep you busy and entertained!

So please, pull up your trousers and skirts for this wickedly wicked edition of Aaron’s aptly named Classic Coroner: The Halloweenening.

THE FILMS:

THE DEVIL RIDES OUT

Hammer Horror have whacked out a mightily impressive back catalogue of horror flicks that really to rival most other horror franchises of the 20th century, and are still pushing out films to this day!

Some have been crap, some have been exactly what it says on the tin, and others have been downright fucking masterpieces, and for me The Devil Rides Out is their all-time greatest effort by far!

I’ve always been a huge fan of occult horror, and when you throw in a cast that sports Christopher Lee, Charles Gray and Patrick Mower, Terrence Fisher in the director’s chair and none other than Omega Man Richard Matheson behind the script, then you are in for one hell of a ride…out!

HOUSE OF LONG SHADOWS

Humour and Horror can work hand-in- hand beautifully at the best of times, bringing the macabre to meet the madness in an almost pantomime fashion, and only a few have pulled it off as well as this film has!

I mean, this movie's got Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Vincent Price, John Carradine, Richard Todd, Desi Arnaz Jr, Sheila Keith, Louise English, Richard Hunter and Norman Rossington!

With a cast like that, you can almost be certain that you’ve got yourself a classic Haunted House caper for the ages! Can our protagonist write a classic novel in 24 hours?

Or will he be a bit too…distracted, shall we say?

There’s only one way to find out! FIIIIIIIIGHT!

TRICK R’ TREAT

I love horror movies that are split up into short stories, but this one just makes it for me!

An underlying theme and subplot throughout based on the animated short Season’s Greetings from back in the ‘90s, Trick R’ Treat is an absolute MUST for horror fans and big kids, like me, who get overly excited for Halloween.

That’s right, fuck Tim Burton! Give me Sam any day! We have Serial Killers, pointy-teethed beasties, a husband that’ll bring out the holiday spirit in all of us, and so, so much more!

It’s easy to watch, great fun, and Charlie Brown’s an asshole!





THE ALBUMS

FAMOUS MONSTERS by MISFITS

Is it their best album? Far from it. Is Michael Graves a twat? You bet your arse he is. However, all that being said, I still love this album! And what’s not to love?

It has that cheesy ‘90s punk feel, yet every song is about all of our favourite horror and b-movie monsters! A real tribute to a genre that has managed to span its way across all different crafts and pop cultures that dates way, way, waaaaaaaaay back for centuries and centuries and is still as strong today as it ever was! And this album is a great love letter to that!

It’s catchy, it’s fun, it’s heavy when it needs to be, the songs are all structured perfectly, the production is so old-school that it doesn’t steal from that Misfits charm that we all know and love, and the lyrics are just straight up hilarious in the best possible way to imagine! I love this album and always will. It’s just impossible to get bored of and just brings out the cheeky dancer in everyone!

BETTER THAN RAW by HELLOWEEN

Turn the cheese-o- meter up to 12, bitches, because this shit just got real!

That’s right! We have power metal and we ain’t afraid to use it! This album is one among many greats, but this one for me just has all the hooks! It has all the heavy riffage one might need from their metal cravings, but also knows when to mellow out with their track Time. This, for me, is the closest thing you’ll get to Iron Maiden without being Iron Maiden, only this band knows how to be heavy when the going gets tough!

Great vocals, great guitar work, awesome production and just an all-round solid album! They really found their feet on this one and knew where to take their future releases! Plus, pumpkins. ‘Nuff said.

PURIFYING FIRE by LUSTMORD

Simplicity is a powerful word at times, especially when it comes to art or Rowan Atkinson’s sex tape. Lustmord, however, has this whole concept nailed down shut! Industrial music has definitely lost its way over the years and I think I speak for all of us when I say that Nine Inch Nails are overrated and crap.

Good, I’m glad we’re all in agreement on that. Some industrial acts, however, seem to have their own sound that others try to mimic to the point that it’s painful.

You can’t be industrial and be as good as Frontline Assembly. Sorry, it's just the way it is. Lustmord, however, takes every conventional sense of the genre, throws it out the window and says “I dare you to listen to me in the dark. Go on! I dare ya! I double-dare ya, motherfucker!” and that’s why this album makes it to my Halloween edition!

If you’re having a spooky gathering this year, whack this bad boy on in the background and behold as your college-slasher styled house party turns into a fucking wake! It’ll be marvellous! A great album among many others!

But this one, for me, is Lustmord at its best.


THE GAMES

CONDEMNED

Alien Isolation is a game that a lot of people talk about, and for ruddy good reason! It’s claustrophobic, you’re pretty much helpless, and you feel paranoid the whole way through with awesome soundscapes and jump scares.

However, if you ask me, that game would never have come to be if Condemned hadn’t made an appearance first! Let me tell ya, if you want your survival horror game to be scary, first-person is the way to do it, especially when you throw in minimal combat too!

How else can you be more on edge than knowing you have no way to fend for yourself? Hiding is your only option and even then, it’s a pants one! And then, suddenly, you hear something you can’t see an explanation for. Which can only mean one thing…it’s behind you. Dare you look? Or do you just keep on running and dare not look back? Choose wisely…

RESIDENT EVIL

Ah, yes. The game that started it all! And what a way to start, am I right? However, if I were to indulge your remake senses and twiddle on your nipples for a moment, I’d say get the new, remastered edition!

It has a whole new subplot without taking away from the original, the graphics are better (which makes for a scarier time) and the controls aren’t as clunky! Man, oh man! What a game! It has it all!

Tense atmosphere, awesome storytelling, a fantastic map, jump scares, guns, Jill Valentine and all of her video game hotness, paranoia, amazing creature design, puzzles, exploration, giant spiders, the lot!

I for one cannot find anything wrong with this game. It is an absolute banger and a game that just keeps on giving!

UNTIL DAWN

Multiple choice games have certainly made an impact on the gaming world, especially after the release of Heavy Rain where it wasn’t just one or the other and actually had a multitude of endings, but for me, Until Dawn is the daddy of the fold.

It’s like watching a horror movie that you’re in charge of, yet still you have no idea what is happening. And as you all well know, I am a huge fan of folklore, and when that got incorporated into this game with a sense of “is it or isn’t it?”, I couldn’t help but fall in love.

The characters are all three-dimensional, the game itself is short and sweet but has a huge replay value, the mechanics are simple and aren’t too demanding, but it really does know how to throw in a sense of urgency too which is genius when you think about how much this game actually entails when it comes to the bare bones. A must for all gamers, if you ask me, even if you’re not a big console gamer.


CREATURE FEATURE THAT’S BOUND TO TEACH YA…ABOUT ME

In this section, I’m going to be talking about some of my favourite horror monsters and characters across all platforms with a little bit about why I like them. Not only because it’s fun, but because it’ll also give a little insight to what it is that ticks my boxes!

RUVIK – THE EVIL WITHIN

Ruvik is just all kinds of badass! Firstly, he's voiced by Jackie Earle Haley, who not only has the gravitas of a gorilla’s ball sack, but he was also Rorschach in Watchmen, making him double wicked!

Ruvik is the evil genius who creates a machine where you can go into his mind and fight the monster creations of his brain as you try to unlock the tragedy the two of you have in common!

Also, he can teleport and uses force-push on a motherfucker! What I love most about him is, while he’s evil as fuck, he truly believes his intentions are pure as they are all out of the act of love.

TATE LANGDON – AMERICAN HORROR STORY

Though I’m not a particularly big fan of this show at all, I did very much enjoy the first season, known as ‘Murder House’, and for me, Tate was the star player!

A troubled teenager with fantasies of shooting up his school and antagonising his therapist by telling him what he wants to do to his daughter, and what he does to intruders for fun? Man, this guy is just too cool for school!

THE NURSES – SILENT HILL

Nurses in skimpy outfits are always sexy, but when you give them decaying flesh and sharp objects, you can count me in! Phwooaarr! These wicked little stumblers travel in numbers, much like our beloved Tusken Raiders, only they all have some sort of debilitating illness. It is really sporting of the hospital when you think about it, hiring all these disabled nurses to look after sick people!

Anyway, what I love about these twitchy bitches is that the only way you’re (somewhat) safe from them is in the dark, because light activates them and makes them all murdery! Yeah…

PETER STORMARE – IN ANYTHING, REALLY.

‘Nuff said.

DR. CHINNARD – HELLRAISER II

Here’s one guy you don’t wanna see when you’re poorly, because he will most likely lock you in a room to rot or watch you torture yourself through a window. What I love about this guy is that he’s an arsehole from the get-go and he knows it, so what does he do? Cry about it?

No, he puts those devilish instincts into finding the lament configurations and unlocking their true potential, only to then become one of the Cenobites himself!

The best one, if you ask me (well, besides Pinhead, of course, because he’s the daddy).

THE PALE MAN – PAN’S LABYRINTH

Forget the big purple people eater, this guy is the skinny pale kiddy eater! I absolutely love the scene with this guy, and though he’s only in the film for a very brief period, he really amps up the volume on this masterpiece and turns this dark fantasy film into a horror one.

It’s also the imagination behind the character that I love, with his eyes in the centre of his hands which he holds up to his face making him look even more demonic than he already did!

Plus, we get a small sneak into his backstory through the portraits on the walls around him and the pile of children’s shoes in the corner. Just wicked!

CASSIDY – PREACHER

I’m not the biggest fan of vampires, as some of you will know, but make ‘em Irish, witty, fun-loving fighters that share my disdain for The Big Lebowski and you’ve got yourself a winner!

THE SHOGGOTH – AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS

It has no shape, it has no Eartly bio-chemistry, it has a gazillion eyes, it’s bigger and vaster than any subway train, and guess what? It lives among the penguins!

I love pretty much any monster from the Lovecraft mythos, but for me, there is nothing more monsterlier than the Shoggoth!

It is the stuff of nightmares, and just when we are introduced to barrel-shaped cucumbers with wings and flower-like heads with eyes, we then have to contend with this boneless being that has strength beyond madness!

For some, the scariest monsters are generally ones that could pass off as real, but for me, this thing is so indescribably terrifying that just to look at it could drive you mad!


Well, that’s it from me this month, folks! And what a month it has been! I hope you all enjoyed this little piece I put together for you, and I hope you have a lovely Halloween! And remember, if you take the kiddies out to trick or treat, remember to stay safe, wrap up warm, don’t eat any sweets that look tampered with, don’t get them wet, don’t expose them to light, and whatever you do, don’t feed them after midnight!

Wait, no, that was for something else. Sorry. Good advice though, they'll be up for hours if you do.

But yeah! Be good, be safe, and most of all, be scary! Take it easy, y’all! And Happy Halloween!


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!





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