Thursday 27 July 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of Don't Knock Twice

Okay, sports fans! As you are probably well aware by now, I am somewhat of a horror fanatic. I love the classics, the video nasties, and even some of the newer ones. So, delighted was I to find a witch-based horror movie with none other than the sexy, sexy Katee Sackhoff and cult favourite Javier Botet.

So, strap yourselves in and get ready for a double helping of wordgasm sauce all over your slutty face and chest!

So, check it! Don’t Knock Twice is a story about an urban myth where if you knock on the supposed witch’s door once, you summon her. Do it twice, however, and she comes and gets ya! Rules be simples, as be the characters, apparently.

So, troubled teen Chloe and her friend Danny go and knock on the door because teenagers are stupid, which is a scientific fact. End of. However, when the witch starts getting up to shady business, Chloe comes out of care and heads straight for estranged Mummy’s gaff out in the country where she thinks she’s safe, but of course, if she were, then this would be a crap horror film.

It is though, unfortunately, a crap horror film. This is a shame, though, because the premise of the film is a simple one, and could have been an effective one to boot. However, we are bombarded with lazy and predictable jump-scares, the atmosphere is so flat that you could bounce a coin off it, and the pacing of the film is more boring than a slab of plain Ryvita.

And other than Katee Sackhoff, who quite admirably carries the weight of this film on her shoulders and her shoulders alone, the acting is just straight up fucking terrible, which is only exacerbated by god-awful dialog.

Another huge error in this film, is when it tries to provide some sort of twist which makes absolutely no sense, and not in the form of “I didn’t get it”, but in the form of “that’s bollocks” and instead of leaving gasps of shock echoing behind it, it just leaves a ginormous plot-hole in its wake.

I wish I could find more to positive things to say about this movie, but in all honesty, I really, really can’t.

It was lazy, done to death, boring, poorly shot, and just a giant waste of time, if I’m being frank. I mean, there’s one point in the film where our leading lady writes a six-word sentence on a wall with her own blood, in huge letters too, and she’s not even dizzy or anything!

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: It’s just shit! And it’s a shame, because it really didn’t have to be. – 3.5/10

Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find all of Aaron's works on Amazon!

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