Friday 5 November 2010

E14 Exchange: Star Wars Special

Brad: I'm trying to think of the Star Wars autographs I'll never get, and - barring dead people - there's actually only about four of them. That's not too bad.
Rob: Who's the four?
Brad: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Liam Neeson & Harrison Ford.
Rob: What makes you think those are unattainable?
Brad: Do you ever see them doing in-store appearances/conventions?
Rob: Why don't you just write to them?
Brad: Can you do that?
Rob: I assume so, my sister got Noel Edmonds' autograph that way.
Brad: Yeah, with respect to Mr Edmonds...that's not quite the same league is it?
Rob: Aside from Star Wars, isn't it? "Ooh Mr Ford, I loved Hollywood Homicide!"
Brad: Indiana Jones...
Rob: I'm talking recently. The most recent thing he did of note that I can think of is to pretend to be gay in a Jimmy Kimmel comedy music video.
Brad: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Berk.
Rob: Oh yeah, the hallmark of quality!
Brad: The Jimmy Kimmel video was awesome. It was four minutes of putting Sarah Silverman in her unfunny place.
Rob: See, I'm all for that, especially more so since they broke up.

Brad: You go by "Robert" now?
Rob: Eh? Oh, no, it's just my display name. I actually go by "Monkjab".
Brad: I thought you'd changed it from "Rob" to "Robert", in a desperate attempt to get yourself taken seriously.
Rob: Yeah, that’ll do the trick.

Rob: The guys who are moving my stuff are so good. If I had a baby, I’d trust them to rugby pass it to each other across a ravine.

Rob: If I see a Timothy Zahn book, I assume it's been written with Thrawn. Not as a collaborative thing, he's just always in them. Does Zahn do other licensed stuff? I wonder if Thrawn turns up in it.
Brad: Yeah, I think he did a Terminator book (which E14 have since reviewed here - ed.), but Zahn is nowhere near as bad as Stackpole. He has the horn for Horn.
Rob: "John Connor felt himself turn blue as the Terminator choked him, but hadn't expected to develop a keen knowledge of military tactics based entirely on a species' artwork".

Brad: What are you so busy with anyway? Don't you just bum around all day pretending to work and browsing Wookiepedia?
Rob : I do quite a bit of in-depth browsing, I'll have you know.
Rob : The sad thing is that I really don't have a specialist subject anymore.
Brad: You had one before?
Rob : Geek of all trades, I guess. Yeah, I was particularly bad-ass on Star Wars at one point. To the point that I owned (and started) the Diplomatic Corps Entrance Exam.
Brad: You just drifted away. What you know, you know. You just didn't really keep up after New Jedi Order era.
Rob : True. Thanks for believing in me, man.
Brad: I recommend the Clone Wars novels.
Rob : Dude, if you were a vicar, you'd recommend them!
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"Say three 'hail Marys' and read Order 66."
Brad: You can use the title Rev legally, you know that? There's no qualifications required.
Rob : Really?
Brad: Yeah. So long as you don't then pretend to be of any already existing church, then yeah, it's perfectly legal. It's also legal to call yourself "Doctor".
Rob : Surely not.
Brad: Yeah, you can call yourself doctor as much as you want. It only becomes illegal if you then a) practice medicine, or b) claim to own a PhD or other diploma. Then it becomes fraud.
Rob : Oh ok. That makes sense. What about calling yourself Master Chief?
Brad: I don't know. See, that's a real military rank, so there may be some legality there.
Rob : It's not, is it?
Brad: Yeah.
Rob : Are you sure?
Brad: Check it out
Rob : WOW.
Brad: No, that's Halo.
Brad: “Kriffing” is such a stupid sounding swear word.
Rob : From Star Wars you mean? Yeah, I couldn’t agree more.
Brad: I don’t get it. In Legacy era they use “kark”, and in The Old Republic era they use “stang”. At least those are percussive words that end on a hard consonant. It’s virtually impossible to say “kriff” with any venom without sounding like Moss from The I.T Crowd.

Brad: Need title ideas for my bi-annual Star Wars EU release round-up.
Rob : I’ll have a think and get back to you.
Brad: Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here.

Time passes...

Brad: Uh...I got “Jedi Business”?
Rob : Works for me, I’ve got no better.
Brad: Apathy FTW.
Rob : I keep coming up with ones that are just too fucking obscure.
Brad: Such as…?
Rob : “The Wish-List of Dathomir”?
Brad: They need to create a word to describe something that’s both painfully lame and geektastically awesome at the same time.
Rob : I’m fairly sure we created a site to describe it.


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