Wednesday, 2 December 2009

They Call Me the Seeker...Searcher...Whatever

Yahoo! recently published its top ten searches of 2009, including such subjects as swine flu, Cheryl Cole and Jade Goody. So, I thought I’d run you down through some of the top Google searches (because only plebs use Yahoo! these days) that have brought people through to E14.

Harry Potter fuck games
Harry Potter ass fucking
Harry Potter fucks his friend
Harry Potter making fuck


I’ve written one article about Harry Potter. I don’t think I mentioned any of those things. What are fuck games anyway? Do I want to know? Is it a variation on Quidditch? Is “making fuck” taught by Snape or McGonagall?

I get why these people are looking for this stuff...but why would they click through to us? We can’t be the first result, surely?

Guitar hero Morrissey

Now there’s an installment everyone's going to buy. I can see teenagers up and down the world whipping out the star power to...what is the most upbeat song he ever wrote? Vicar in a Tutu?

Sorry, Morrissey, you’re more of a Rock Band kind of act.

“thorin sits down and sings about gold”

See, this just made my fucking day.

“Fuck off fucking pumpkin bastard”

I’ve said this a few times. Hell, I’d go so far as to say that I say this a few times every Hallowe’en. Carving a pumpkin isn’t easy. But I don’t think that any pumpkin has ever made me so angry that I’ve put down my carving equipment, washed my hands and gone upstairs to Google my rage. I’m just not that guy.

Bouncy castle masturbating

This is probably the most unintentionally hilarious entry to make the list. Look at it. I dare say it’s some lonely Carcassonne playing basement dweller looking for, oh...I don’t know...how to have sex with a bouncy castle at your cousins birthday party when I was nine.

But that’s not the image that comes to mind for me. I don’t read that as “masturbating with a bouncy castle” , I read it as “a bouncy castle masturbating”. Isn’t that an awesome image in your head right now? How does it work? What is it doing? Please comment, this is for my own research.

Ahsoka Tano sex
Grandpa max fucks gwen
Nude gwen Tennyson from ben 10 and sex
Star wars xxx anikin fucking his apprentice
Watch animated rape videos of gwen tennyson


Ah, fuck you, Internet. Nothing is worth this. Nothing is worth knowing that there are people like this out there. People that probably look normal. People that you probably sit next to on the train. Oh, sure, that barman who served you looks normal, right? Thanks to the Internet, you now don't know that he isn't going home and looking up Fraggle fisting clips, or extened BDSM scenarios involving Rude Dog and the Dweebs.

Leave Saturday Morning Cartoons alone, guys. There's nothing erotic about them, no matter how hard you try.

Bite marks on tits

Hehehehehehehheh....

Deadgirl rape –moncrieff movie

There's a story behind this one. In 2006, there was a horror movie released called "The Dead Girl" that starred Toni Collette and Brittany Murphy. I haven't seen it, but I assume there's some kind of rape scene in it. Anyway, this guy went Googling for it and...oh, no, wait...he removed the name of the director from the search string. So that must have meant he was looking for...oh, Jesus...

If that thought fills you with grim melancholy. Consider this, by doing that, he actually arrived at
this page, where we reviewed a different movie by the same name. Imagine his disappointment, and I can guarantee that your day will brighten slightly.

Fleshlight shoe method
Chastity and sperm collection
Cock games
Cthulhu sex toy
Disguise fleshlight
Fleshlight in a shoe
Fleshlight sperm collecting
Fleshlight toilet paper method
Fleshlight in the uk
Fleshlight missionary training package review
Fourteen years old with fleshlight
Fucking a japs eye
How long fleshlight in water
How to disguise a fleshlight
How to get a fleshlight at fourteen
How to shoe fuck a fleshlight
Japs eye fucking
Japs eye penetration toys
Japs eye vibrator
Make your own fleshlight style sex toy
Wake up stick cock in fleshlight
Vibrator in japs eye


Okay, maybe we were
asking for these ones...

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