Wednesday 6 January 2010

E14 Movies: Split Second

Some movies obviously fit the criteria of being “Emotionally Fourteen”, right? Commando, First Blood,

But there have to be some you’ve never heard of, right? Ones that passed you by in their original run, or that you were too young or perhaps even too old for? Well, I’ve done some digging at the E14 Vault here, and I’ve dug up a classic Emotionally Fourteen movie that you may have missed – 1992’s Split Second.

The story begins in the year 2008 (Hey, let it go, all right?), extensive rainfall has caused large areas of London to be a foot or more underwater, necessitating lots of rugged looking amphibious vehicles, and trenchcoats. I wonder which actor would be interested in starring in a dystopian sci-fi movie where he gets to wear a trenchcoat?

(Rutger Hauer – Dracula III – Legacy, That Dream Brad Keeps Having) is Harley Stone (no, I am not making this up), a burnt-out and highly cynical homicide detective who, according to his boss, survives on "Anxiety, coffee and chocolate" (a bit like me, to be honest) after being unable to prevent the murder of his partner, several years previously, by a vicious serial killer. His new partner Dick Durkin (no, I am not making this up) is clean cut and by the book – the traditional odd-couple copy partnership strikes again, but this time, with monsters. Unfortunately, the murderer has begun to strike again and Stone and Durkin are assigned the case.

Dick Durkin: I don't think this thing thinks it's Satan, I think this thing IS Satan.
Stone: Well, Satan is in deep shit.

After investigating the scenes of several killings, they appear no closer to identifying the killer, with their only clues being that the murders seem to be linked to the lunar cycle, and that the killer has multiple “recombinant DNA strands”, having absorbed the DNA of seemingly anything he kills.

Finally, after Stone's girlfriend Michelle (Kim Cattrall – Deadly Harvest, Live Nude Girls) is kidnapped, Durkin and Stone track the killer deep into the flooded and disused London Underground system and discover the truth: The killer is not human, and actually some horrific and horrendous over-grown rat monster! Fast, savage, bloodthirsty and fixated upon killing Stone just as it previously killed his partner! It appears that the monster has just been slowly luring Stone into it’s lair!

After a tense battle in and around an abandoned Tube Train, Stone uses Hauer Power, and rips the monsters heart clean out of its chest and shoots it with an over-sized hand-gun. However, as the policemen leave the scene with Michelle in a rescue dinghy, bubbles of air are seen breaking the surface of the area of water over which the beast had Michelle suspended as bait body is submerged, suggesting that there may be more than one – the classic Q: The Winged Serpent ending, ripped off by so many...

Bartender: What'll you have?
Stone: Coffee.
Bartender: It's a two-drink minimum!
Stone: Then get me two coffees.

I first saw Split Second during its run on Sky Movies when I was eleven, and I was convinced that it was the second greatest movie ever made (the first is still Commando – the movie for which cinema was created). This is because it contains everything you want out of a movie when you’re that age: guns, monsters, and a nude woman in a shower scene. Hey, that’s everything I want out of a movie now, but I’m told that I’m kind-of special.

Criminally, Split Second still has not received a UK DVD or Blu-ray release, and your best chance of seeing it is to either import a copy from Germany (apparently), or wait until it comes on TV. When it does, tape the crap out of it.

Two of Hollywood’s biggest stars go head-to-head in director Tony Scott’s summer box office action hit The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, coming to Blu-ray and DVD on January 11th 2010 from Sony Pictures Home Entertainment.

A remake of the 1974 suspense classic, based on a 1973 novel by Jon Godey, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 stars two-time Academy Award® winner Denzel Washington teamed with John Turturro to battle against John Travolta and Luis Guzm├ín in a heart-pounding story full of action, thrills and suspense deep inside the New York Subway system. After criminal mastermind Ryder (Travolta) takes a subway train hostage, MTA Dispatcher Walter Garber (Washington) finds himself thrown into the middle of the explosive situation as he must find away to rescue all the hostages while not letting Ryder escape.

Thanks to our friends at Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, we've got three copies of The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 on DVD to give away! For your chance of winning one, send us an e-mail to with your name and postal address before midday on Wednesday 13th January (UK time). The first three names drawn out of the electronic hat will win a copy of this awesome movie!


  1. What's the deal with these damned 'Motion Comics'? Let's call 'em what they really are, shall we: cartoons with REALLY SHITTY ANIMATION.

    They're exactly like the 1960s Marvel cartoons where the animation was basically a panel from the comicbook being moved up and down in front of the camera. If it was piss-poor in the '60s, it's taken on a whole new dimension of craposity in the 2010s... yet Marvel are selling them like they're a groundbreaking new artform. As a lifelong Marvel Zombie, I inch closer to despair with every passing frame...

  2. Those 60s Captain America cartoons are being issued on DVD soon. They were hilarious.

    As for these "motion comics"...yeah, I have to admit that I'm not a fan. I think they're all the worst aspects of animation and comics combined. But, other people's mileage and all that...