Thursday 31 August 2017

Aaron's Classic Corner - August 2017

Howdy, y’all! That’s right, it’s been a month already and my oh my, look at all that’s happened! Loads! Just look at your month over your shoulder and think about all the stuff that’s happened around you! Mad innit?

Been a proper mental one has this August. So, without further Jews, allow me to tell you a little more about what it is I dig, starting with a Movie, then an Album, and then a Video Game! Because here at E14, that’s what we’re all about! That and sweet, sweet titties! So let’s bust this nut wide open and dig into the gooey, creamy centre with ravenous ferocity!

THE MOVIE - SUSPIRIA

There’s not a lot that you can’t really love about this film. I mean, I'll shit in my beard if I can name one! This is another one of those movies which just seems to have it all!

A young ballerina is chucked into a Dance Academy (leotards and that) where there is more going on that meets the eye!

Now, I can’t say I’ve met many die-hard Horror fans who would disagree with me when I say Dario Argento is a fucking genius (unless you take this as an opportunity to be a fucking hipster and a twat, then fire away and more power to you), but for me, this is his pinnacle masterpiece!

It has everything: solid performances, an incredible soundtrack from the notorious Goblin, fantastic, vibrant shots, and a sense of unease that lasts throughout the entire movie until the credits finally roll. An absolute beast of a film that paved the way for modern Arthouse films and an inspiration and stepping off point for the Dogme 95 movement almost a whole two decades ahead of time. Pure genius.

THE ALBUM - DEAD HEART IN A DEAD WORLD by NEVERMORE

I fucking love this album. It’s heavy, it’s melodic, it’s deep, it has a pinch of cheese for those of us who like to pump our fists, it has orchestral parts, the song structures aren’t boring (A,B,A,B,C,B,B and the like), and on top of all of this it has awesome lyrics and solos to match!

And even with all of its technicality, it still knows when to be laid back and not show off.

Plus, it has an awesome Simon & Garfunkel cover on it, years before those cancerous fuckheads in Disturbed decided to bastardise it.

So, yeah, this – for me, is definitely a desert Island disc, and my standout tracks have to be We Disintegrate, the fucking ground-shaking anthem The Heart Collector, and Evolution 169.

THE GAME - COMMANDOS

Man, I can’t even begin to tell you how many hours I spent in front of my computer playing this game. I think a good portion of my childhood was probably spent yelling “what’ll it be?!” when answering the phone.

Now, there are a million stealth games on the market now, but before AI really took off, we had Commandos. A point and click bird’s eye-view WWII strategy game, Commandos followed a small team of...well, Commandos, each with a special skill set. They would be set certain objectives and then given an escape point. Sounds simple, but it really wasn’t.

This game was revolutionary for its time and was a marvel to behold. You had to follow each of the sentry’s habits, watch out for spotlight, dogs, land mines, barbed wire, reinforcements, guard towers, alarms and fuck knows what else.

It was hard, but it was super fun, and I for one absolutely loved it.

So, that’s it from me this month from my Classic Corner, and feel free to tune in next month where we’ll be revealing more of my loves in life! Should be fun and I look forward to it!


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!







Wednesday 30 August 2017

Toybox Channel Update! August 2017

Rob is back after a short break, giving an update on the E14 Toybox. In short, it's good news for Heroclix viewers, and not so good for Zbox viewers. Catch the full detail in the video, and let us know in the comments below how you feel about this!


Tuesday 29 August 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of Speedrunners

Now, there aren’t really any spoilers in this game as it doesn’t really have a story as such, but my oh my what a great bit of fun we have here!

The whole idea behind SpeedRunners is to run countless laps around an array or quirky maps until all other runners are eliminated. That’s it!

However, the variety of ways in which you can beat your opponents is so much fun! There are grappling hooks, missiles, crates (Mario Kart stylez!), ice beams, force push and more! And how do you eliminate your foes?

Knock them off the screen! A screen which, after a while, begins to shrink smaller, and smaller and smaller!

There is a great unlocking system in this game too where you can gain XP to nab yourself some new maps, character skins and even game modes! Plus, if you don’t have any friends to play with (which is where the real fun comes in), you can play against bots!

"Not quite the same" I hear you say. Well, get a load of this! You can change their difficulty and before you know it, it’s like you’re playing against real people with a pretty impressive AI system and a roulette game mode that can mirror the map, make all pickups rockets, and all sorts!

So there is more than enough to keep every game unique and interesting, and the chances of you having the same round twice, is zero! It’s such fun!

Is the game without its bugs? Nah mate, not on your Nelly! However, it is a pretty simple game with an even more simple premise, so there’s not really much else I can write about it, and I have a word quota that I feel I should fill. So…

How are you? You good? Wicked. So how about them Nicks, huh? Yeah. Brad’s got a book out. You heard about this? Yeah. Nazis and stuff. He can’t get enough of ‘em. Or sharks. He’s marine-life-mad, that boy is. Probably switches between the Discovery and History channels day in, day out. Makes sense, I guess.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: So, yeah, a great game, but better played with friends, either online or locally – 7/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!






Friday 25 August 2017

The Crazy Train Podcast - Episode 54: The Church of Naked Mideon!

Rob is joined by Blake and Omer, and after some initial silliness, we dive right into some lovely iTunes reviews from Jack and the Geekstalk and The Lost Art of Podcasting/Wrestling. We spin off from there into talk about wrestling (a subject Omer knows a fair bit about). We get a question from one of our absent co-hosts about wrestling entrance music (as if we planned the transition) via discussions about music shop funsies. Next, from the list of absent co-hosts, comes a question about food from a fictitious universe. We cover the important questions on The Crazy Train...

Rob is on Twitter @RobWadeVision, Omer is at @TheIronTurkOmer and you can find Blake @fucksakeblake!

Intro music: "Outlaw", by Deon Van Heerden. Find out more about Deon's music at Deonvanheerden.com!

We are now part of the Brit Pod Scene podcast collective, a group of British podcasts working together to help each other improve and grow. Check it out on Twitter by searching #BritPodScene!


About The Crazy Train

Welcome aboard The Crazy Train - Emotionally14's flagship podcast dedicated to one theme: there are no rails. Ever. Encompassing a wide range of subjects, from movies to TV to gaming, we'll give you a piece of our minds even if there's nothing in them, and you'll bloody love it. Where will the Crazy Train go?

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iTunes
Stitcher
Youtube




Thursday 24 August 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of Slime Rancher!

I had heard a lot about this game back when it was in its preview development stages, and to be honest, I looked at it and then thought “you know what? I’m good” and walked away.

However, when it became free during Xbox Live™ Games With Gold™ I couldn’t help but say “oh go on then, you sly old Devil”, and now I feel I can say that I’m big enough to admit when I’m being a dozy twat. I love this game, and I really wish I had put a little more money in the developers’ pockets when it was a pay-to-play game.

The premise behind Slime Rancher isn’t particularly complicated, but that’s what makes it so damned fun!

Slimes, as they are known, are little round balls of some sort of weird gelatinous liquid which is borderline solid (I can’t remember the word for what you would call that, but that’s neither here nor there at this point) that bounce around the land!

It is then your job to suck them up with your hover gun, and bring them back to your ranch to then farm, encage, feed and exploit in a family-fun way that only concentration camps can provide! You then feed them their favourite foods, sell their poo and carry on!

Now, once the ball gets rolling, the game can get somewhat repetitive and you’re left wondering “hold on a bloody minute, is this it?” and leaves you in somewhat of a bubble where novelty dries up rather quickly and… Slime! That’s the word I was trying to think of! Anyway, it leaves you wondering whether or not the novelty has worn off and that there isn’t really much more to do.

However, you suddenly find yourself unlocking new areas, upgrades, jobs, chores and expansions that just keep the ball of fun rolling until it gets bigger and bigger until it finally crashes into a city killing thousands! All the while, you’re laughing like a maniac and saying “yeah, but how cute though!”. Now, bear in mind that all of this inevitably leads you to doing a lot more of the same, but what game doesn’t?

At least with this one, you get to farm different types of adorable slimes (each of which have their own personality traits), fight off baddie slimes, farm vegetables and livestock, go treasure hunting, and even have the enjoyment of a pen-pal type storyline which only warms the heart.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: This is definitely a game that is great fun for all ages, and with its offline game mode, you can get back to a great console game that has hours of enjoyability with nothing to worry about but the grind! – 7/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!






Tuesday 22 August 2017

Aaron Presents: 5 Horror Remakes That Are Better Than The Originals

It's time for Aaron’s "A Little Something Different"!

Well, not entirely different, but in some ways very different indeed!

So, in this E14 edition of Aaron’s whopping great horror-themed brilliance, I’m going to talk about a somewhat taboo subject amongst the horror communities, and that’s remakes.

However, I’m not going to just sit here and talk about them and about what it is I think of them and whatnot, no! I’m actually, in fact, going to take a little bit of a spin on this bad boy and upset Horror fans worldwide by listing my 5 favourite remakes that I actually think are better than the originals!

Yup, that’s right! So, strap yourself in and get ready to swear and scratch your head in equal parts confusion and anger, but remember – just because something is a classic, that doesn’t automatically make it good (Invasion of the Body Snatchers, for example)! So, in order from least to best, let’s do this!

5. Friday the 13th (2009)

Now, I absolutely adore the Friday the 13th series, and have done since I were a wee lad in short trousers and first learned to swing a machete and slam a sleeping bag-clad- cheerleader against a tree!

My favourite Jason movie, though I love all of them, was Freddy vs Jason, at least when it comes to Jason wearing a hockey mask and showing teenagers who’s boss!

The crown, however, was passed on to this 2009 horror triumph! Great deaths, excellent pacing, and just downright packed with an excitement that has only proved to age well over the past 8 years and will no doubt age all the greater 8 more years to come! And though this isn’t what some would call a strict remake, it is at the very least a reimagining of the original franchise rolled up into one. Is this to say that I prefer this to anything pre-hockey mask era? Well, who’s to say?!

4. Evil Dead (2013)

Now, I know what you’re thinking, and to a point I agree. Though this film isn’t really what some would refer to as a strict remake, it is a reimagining of the original, and therefore, by definition, a remake of sorts.

This film is wonderfully acted and has strong bones throughout and pulls the audience in with truly breath-taking cinematography, and yet it still somehow manages to bring a slice of originality pie to the horror table at the genre party where the…I don’t know where I’m going with this.

Anyway, I love the original, but I just think that this is the better film all-round, bringing an extra slam of occult offerings and downright brutality that simply demands our attention. I’m sure the purists will disagree with me, but hey-ho, that’s just the way the world turns.

3. Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Let me tell you a little something about this movie. This particular flick came out just in the nick of time, and especially where Zombie movies were concerned! Zombie films were becoming somewhat of the punchline of the horror genre, with lowbrow humour being shunted before our stumbling corpses of doom that were once supposed to be horrifying monsters, and were quickly becoming nothing more than a joke.

However, the remake of Dawn of the Dead took all of the best qualities that the original had, and then threw in a bucket of nails and a bomb of brutality to really get the blood both pumping and spilling! This film was fucking ferocious! People of all ages (literally) getting torn to fucking pieces with unrelenting viciousness in a way that the original just couldn’t quite pull off, which is why this particular one of the two will always hold a permanent spot in my heart.

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

I’m going to be brutally honest with you on this one – I wasn’t a fan of the original. The acting is terrible, it isn’t scary, that twat in the wheelchair ruined the whole thing, and what is with the super-camp dance with the twirls that Leatherface does at the end? Am I supposed to be scared of this twinkle- toed nonce with the silly haircut?

No, mate. Not happening.

The remake, however? Brutal as fuck!

Leatherface actually looks menacing and takes no part in any Fred Astaire nonsense, the acting is brilliant (especially from the legendary R. Lee Ermey) and actually had a sense of atmosphere and tension that the original couldn’t even dream of pulling off! So, yeah. Give me the remake any day of the week, because for me, the original is ruddy terrible.

1. The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

This is a film that just has all the right ingredients for a horror movie. From the moment we meet our soon-to- be victims, we can instantly point out who will live, who will die and who will be our hero.

But then, wait, hold on a bloody minute…why is that one alive? Shit! That one died! But I thought…wait, that’s our hero?! No way!

It totally turns our horror traditions on their heads and throws a spanner in the works that not only spills out blood and guts, but offers up a big old plate of nitty gritty that doesn’t just prove that remakes can be better, but that modern splatter horror films can still be downright bloody brilliant!

BONUS FILM!! The Fly (1986)

Now, I grew up loving ‘50s B-Movies, and anything Vincent Price touched turned to pure gold! Also, don’t get me wrong. I love the 1958 movie, I really do, but David Cronenberg not only made a superior version of the film, but made an absolute fucking masterpiece!

Not only in the horror genre, but in all movies in the history of “wow! That photo is moving and talking and making the things happen” pictures. Plus, let’s be honest, as cool as the infamous “Help me” scene is, it is nowhere near as iconic as Brundle Fly has become, especially among horror fans.

So, there’s my list! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed watching these movies and writing about them! Now, remember, you don’t have to agree, and to be honest with you, I don’t expect you to!

But remember this!

Before you take to the hills with rage and burning torches, treat this article as you would a remake that makes you angry: pay no attention to it. That’s right! It’s that simple! No need to yell “why” or “leave it alone”, because believe it or not, remakes are taking absolutely nothing away from the original, nor are they even touching it.

Whether or not a remake comes out, the original will always be there for you and will remained untouched (unless that cunt George Lucas gets involved, then that’s on you for getting your hopes up), so stop worrying!

If you don’t want to watch the remakes, just treat them as other films you don’t like the looks of: just don’t watch them. The original will always be there for you to watch instead!

Plus I’m always right. Stop being silly.


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon using the links below!







Friday 18 August 2017

The E14 Gamecast: Episode 28 - "The Tower! The Tower!"

Rob is joined by Blake and Omer to talk about games. We did originally have a plan for the episode but we just started talking about what we're playing and before long it had been over an hour!

Apologies that there are a fair few motorbikes in the background, but owing to extreme heat in the flat the windows had to all be open. Hopefully we make it better with our wonderful quips.

If you want to give us your thoughts on the games we talk about, ask us questions or even suggest topics for us to talk about, you can contact us by email using podcast@emotionally14.com, tweet @emotionally14 or find us on the Emotionally14 Facebook page! For our gaming videos, check out the E14 Plays Playlist on YouTube!

Rob is on Twitter @RobWadeVision, Omer is at TheIronTurkOmer and you can find Blake @fucksakeblake!


About The E14 Gamecast

The E14 Gamecast is a show all about games. Initially recorded as a short chat about the Titanfall beta, the crew has talked about all sorts of subjects ranging from Eurogamer Expo, the previous console generations and general comments about what they're playing at the time.

iTunes
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Youtube



Thursday 17 August 2017

Aaron’s Spoiler-free review of Get Out

As a long-time fan of Jordan Peele, I was immensely excited to catch this flick. An outstanding actor/comedian writing/directing a visceral horror movie? Count me in!

The more I read about this film, the more excited I was to see it! Everyone I knew was giving it outstanding praise and I hadn’t heard a bad word against it from the moment I heard about it, right up to the point where I was about to watch it!

So, there I sat, with great anticipation, my eyes fixed on the screen and a smile of excitement chiseled into my face. Then, as the end credits rolled up the screen, I was sat in the same position, with the same smile on my face, only something was different. My eyes. They were empty, and my pulse had slowed down, and in my mind, I was thinking one thing and one thing only:

Damn, I hated this movie.

That’s right, bitches! I hated it, and yes, for all the controversial reasons you would expect! To start with, let me just say that Jordan Peele shows us in this film that he is a mightily talented director, and if he sticks to this genre, I can see a few shiny, golden statues in his future. However, though the social commentary that plays throughout this movie is important, I can’t help but notice that it was taken a little too far.

The acting in this film was absolutely mind-blowing. Everyone brought their A-Game to the table and it pays off immensely! There was one particular scene that stole the show for me, when our leading lady Rose (portrayed by Allison Williams) has a phone conversation later in the film which gives one of the most spine-tingling and unnerving performances I’ve seen in recent years, and I really cannot help but applaud her performance. Bloody outstanding.

Now, remember, this is a spoiler-free review, so I can’t go into much detail on it, but here’s the film’s basic synopsis, followed with a snippety hint of why I hated it so much.

Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) is meeting his white girlfriend’s parents for the first time out in the sticks and is somewhat nervous about it. Before he leaves, he tells his girlfriend of his worry (two white parents meeting their daughter’s new black boyfriend) and how he feels she should have told them of his ethnicity beforehand, to which she tells him not to worry. He then meets said parents, is made to feel uncomfortable by them and all their friends, to which he tells his girlfriend “I told you so”.

That’s right, all the white people are racist.

So, with all of that being said, even though I absolutely hated this film, I’m going to give this movie a rating I feel it truly deserves. The film is executed beautifully which leaves us with essences of Stanley Kubrick, but I’m afraid you can’t fight racism with more racism. That’s not how it works.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: Shame. - 6/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!





Tuesday 15 August 2017

Aaron’s Spoiler-Free review of 31

Ah, Rob Zombie. A man with whom I have somewhat of a love/hate relationship. His music is either really good, or it’s really bad, and the same can be said about his movies.

House of 1000 Corpses is a modern-day classic, and The Devil’s Rejects, for me, is his personal masterpiece.

However, the less said about Halloween 1 & 2, the better. Unfortunately, I feel 31 must be thrown into the latter category.

So, if you’re sitting comfortably, allow me to begin.

31 opens with a fantastic single-shot dialog with our somewhat lead antagonist Doom-Head (fantastically portrayed by the talented and criminally underrated Richard Brake) which gives the film a warming sense of promise from the get-go. We are then introduced to our heroes who seem like a rag-tag bunch of misfit carnies on the road (and again, this film is set in the ‘70s, which seems to be a running theme for mister Zombie) when they are set upon by goons! You heard me! Goons!

They are then awakened in an old factory where Malcom MacDowell, apparently in drastic need of a new boiler and/or kitchen faucets, tells our five survivors that they will be pitted into gladiator-styled combat against his henchmen in a 12-hour game that he likes to call “31” (we’re left to assume it’s named this because it lands on Halloween, another running theme of Zombie’s).

I really wanted to like this film going in, as I am somewhat of an admirer of Zombie’s nitty- gritty style of cinema which pays a fantastic homage to ‘80s horror and grindhouse productions, and the premise seemed like somewhat of a promising one. Oh, how I was wrong.

The story itself was one of those ‘you know what you’re getting yourself into on the way in’ scenarios, so for me, that wasn’t an issue, but, Rob Zombie, if you’re reading this, I cannot say this enough and I’m sure many will agree, so here goes:

Stop casting your wife! She is terrible! Stop it! I mean, seriously, stop it right now! She cannot act, okay? Be a professional! That’s like hiring a plumber who can’t plumb! Okay? Good! Well done!

Seriously, for me, Sheri Moon-Zombie was the worst thing about this movie and she dragged the rest of it down with her. If there is one thing more annoying than a 47-year- old woman (or man, for the snowflakes reading this) trying to act like a sexy 18-year- old, it’s one that tries to act like an 80’s tough guy and really, really not pulling it off. Fuck me brutal, the cheese-o- meter exploded in my hand, and for once, that’s not a name for my penis.

There were astounding performances in this film from Richard Brake, Pancho Moler, Meg Foster, Kevin Jackson and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and then she comes along and ruins it! Seriously, it was almost as though a group of great artists came and painted a mural that’s as glorious and it is beautiful, and then Sheri Moon-Zombie comes along with a handful of shit that’s been encrusted with oats and wet cabbage, splatted it right in the middle and then skipped away like a twat singing “My husband said I’m allowed! La-la- la-la- laaaa…” into the sunset.

I know this seems like a personal attack on Sheri Moon-Zombie, and that’s probably because there's an element of that to it. If the man had actually hired an actress for the lead role of Charly, then this movie would’ve sky-rocketed my enthusiasm, but because, instead, his wife screamed at him “I’m still sexy and matter, you have to make a movie for me that proves that or no more nookie”, we got left with this steaming pile of promising, though ultimately shite, pile of wank sausages.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: So, Mr. Zombie, in future, go pro or go home. – 4/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!





Friday 11 August 2017

The Crazy Train Podcast - Episode 53: Blake To The Max!

Rob and Blake talk:

  • Airports
  • Driving
  • Walking
  • Rail travel

It's like an episode of Seinfeld, only with two British guys! You'll love it! We hope.

Rob is on Twitter @RobWadeVision and you can find Blake @fucksakeblake!

Intro music: "Outlaw", by Deon Van Heerden. Find out more about Deon's music at Deonvanheerden.com!

We are now part of the Brit Pod Scene podcast collective, a group of British podcasts working together to help each other improve and grow. Check it out on Twitter by searching #BritPodScene!


About The Crazy Train

Welcome aboard The Crazy Train - Emotionally14's flagship podcast dedicated to one theme: there are no rails. Ever. Encompassing a wide range of subjects, from movies to TV to gaming, we'll give you a piece of our minds even if there's nothing in them, and you'll bloody love it. Where will the Crazy Train go?

iTunes
Stitcher
Youtube


Thursday 10 August 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of Lake Mungo

"What’s this? Another mockumentary film", you say? "What’s gotten into this guy?!" I hear you bellow. "Shenanigans!" You add. "I still would!" said your missus.

Well, yes, I suppose it is quite the coincidence, seeing as the one before this was for the awesome Digging Up The Marrow, but hold tight, nursey, because this shit’s about to get heavy!

Lake Mungo is the paranormal rollercoaster ride of emotions about a young girl named Alice who drowns in a lake, survived by her loving parents and her twat-faced brother, Matty, who are all convinced that she had come back to haunt their lily-white asses.

That’s pretty much as far as I can get into it at this point, but get a load of this!

Lake Mungo is one of those rare treats where you get to watch a film that is genuinely creepy, thinks outside the box and doesn’t feel the need to rely on stupid fucking gimmicks in order to be as cheesy as possible and then whining because they wouldn’t let you direct any of the Star Wars movies because you’re a minge-faced fuck-stick (yes, Joss Whedon, I’m looking at you)!

Story development on this bitch also keeps the viewer guessing from start to finish, which is something that paranormal thrillers can’t really seem to do nowadays, and this one in particular kept me asking questions throughout with its unstoppable twists, turns and reveals!

"But wait, how can the mockumentary formula be scary and atmospheric when it is all past tense?" I hear you say behind your monocle.

Well, I say unto thee, normally you would be right, but in this instance you are way off the mark, good sir, because Lake Mungo is creepy as fuck and keeps you looking over your shoulder for a good hour or so after its climax!

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: It’s an intelligent ghost story and a must for fans of indie horror – 8/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find all of Aaron's works on Amazon!





Tuesday 8 August 2017

Aaron’s Spoiler-Free Review of DIGGING UP THE MARROW

Found-Footage movies are like heated hypothetical arguments: they’re lazy and you’re an idiot if you rely on them. However, when it comes to a good old mockumentary, you can count me in! So, without further delay, let’s do this!

DUTM is a straight-up mockumentary that doesn’t try to convince you it’s real in any way, and already I applaud Sam Green (who wrote, directed and hosts the film as himself) for doing so with an opening credit sequence.

Basically, you’re invited in knowing that it’s fiction and proud of it. The basic storyline is that Sam Green (Hatchet, Hatchet II, Frozen (albeit not that one)) has been written a letter from a fan (Ray Wise) who promises he can show Sam real, true-life monsters like you see in the movies that live underground in a place he calls "The Marrow".

Instantly, this caught my attention and I just had to watch it! This film is pretty funny in places and is actually well acted throughout with quite a few horror icons popping up as themselves along the way to keep all us hardcore horror fans erect and/or flooding the place, with plenty of nods and hidden gems to other horror franchises and cultures.

Plus, seeing as this movie has no CGI, it’s pretty much a horror nerd’s wet dream. There are a couple of parts that I feel were lacking as I took the journey into the secret depths of The Marrow, but once the credits began to roll I couldn’t wait for the next time I could sit down and watch it again to see what little hints and clues I may have missed the first time around.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: Solid, light hearted, and all-round great fun! – 8.5/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find all of Aaron's works on Amazon!