Wednesday 31 August 2011

Scooby Doo: Mystery Inc. Giveaway

SCOOBY-DOO! MYSTERY INC – VOL.1

THE ALL-NEW ORIGINAL ANIMATED SERIES AVAILABLE NOW ON DVD!


The world’s favorite mystery-solving hound, Scooby-Doo!, is finally back with a brand new series of hair-raising adventures in Scooby-Doo! Mystery Inc – Vol.1, available on DVD now, courtesy of Warner Home Video!

The melancholy village of Crystal Cove has long since boasted a history of frights such as ghost sightings, mischievous poltergeists, demonic possessions and other creepy coincidences. When Scooby and the Mystery Inc team arrive to prove these happenings are of a far less ghastly nature, the village rejoices – until the gang uncovers a creepier complication that threatens to change everything.

Packed with Scooby-Doo’s trademark wit and energy, featuring the classic characters of Fred, Daphne, Velma and Shaggy, all of whom join Scooby-Doo while he cowers in the background, Scooby-Doo! Mystery Inc – Vol.1 is the perfect addition to any fan’s collection and also the perfect opportunity for new fans to get on board with one of most legendary and nationally loved animation franchises ever.

Thanks to our friends at Warner Home Video, we've got two copies of Scooby-Doo! Mystery Inc – Vol.1 to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Wednesday 7th September, making sure to put "Scooby-Doo" as the subject. The first two entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Scooby-Doo" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Scooby-Doo! Mystery Inc – Vol.1 is available now, courtesy of Warner Home Video.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

© Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. All rights reserved

Tuesday 30 August 2011

Book Reviews

Spell Bound
Kelley Armstrong
Orbit

Available Now - £16.99 (Hardback & Digital Download)
Review by Charlotte Barnes

Savannah Levine is in danger. That's not usually a problem. But, caught in the grip of a disturbing and violent murder case, Savannah swore to give up her unique gifts if it would save an innocent young girl. Little did she know that someone - or something - was listening. Now she has no idea how to restore her powers, just when she needs them the most. In this compelling, fast-paced new thriller, Savannah has to face a host of deadly enemies bent on destroying not only her, but the very fabric of the supernatural world. As dark forces gather, Savannah isn't just fighting for her life, but for everything and everyone she loves.

The last book Kelley Armstrong wrote in this series called Waking the Witch (review here) made me feel that she had lost some of her mojo. I am pleased to say that with Spell Bound she seems to have gotten back on the horse and reminded me why I fell in love with this series all over again.

Savannah Levine has been the main focus of the last two novels and it is a real pleasure to see her grow into a fully fledged responsible adult and how she copes with the change that she needed to make in order for her to establish herself and be respected not only amongst her friends and family but also in the supernatural world. Armstrong has done a great job of enabling the reader to follow and share the experiences right alongside Savannah allowing us to empathise and get caught in the moment with the protagonist.

The novel also features some of the old favourite characters from the other novels in the series, allowing us to catch up with them, see how they are developing and also keeping them relevant for their own potential future stories. I definitely feel that the way this series has been written we have a lot more to expect from Armstrong in the future and I, for one, can’t wait.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating
Violence:
Plenty of action and violence, losing your spell casting means you have to compensate with a punch.
Sex/Nudity: Surprisingly for a Kelley Armstrong novel there is a distinct lack of any kind of petting. Heavy or otherwise.
Swearing: None of note.
Summary: A thoroughly enjoyable read, I can’t wait until the next one is out so I can carry on where I left off. I hope I don’t have to wait too long! 9/10
Pleasure Unbound: A Demonica Novel
Larissa Ione
Piatkus Books

Available Now - £6.99 (Digital Download) & £7.99 (Paperback)
Review by Charlotte Barnes

Tayla Mancuso is a demon-slayer who hungers for sensual pleasure - but fears it will always be denied her. Until she lands in a hospital run by demons in disguise, and the head doctor, Eidolon, makes her body burn with unshakable desire. But to prove her ultimate loyalty to her peers, she must betray the surgeon who saved her life. Eidolon cannot resist this fiery, dangerous woman who fills him with both rage and passion. Not only is she his enemy, but she could very well be the hunter who has been preying upon his people. Torn between his need for the truth and his quest to find his perfect mate before a horrific transformation claims him forever, Eidolon will dare the unthinkable - and let Tayla possess him, body and soul...

I’ll be honest with you, I read this book incredibly quickly, and it is an incredibly addictive read. Now post-reading it, I feel a little dirty. This book would make your Mum blush, it is so filthy that I started a tally for the word "sex" (in reference to genitalia rather than the verb) and let’s just say I was definitely into the second fence and the book is only 338 pages long. I didn’t even bother with a "throbbing cock" tally as I would have been constantly be stopping to tick my piece of paper.

Rather than other novels of this nature (paranormal romance/porn seems to be all the rage at the moment and, well, I seem to be the one at E14 Towers that gets to read them) of which there are hundreds, the author seems to have done a decent job of fleshing out the characters and made it a rather enjoyable read, even with all the humping. There is genuine conflict within the characters and within the plot and when the main characters aren’t doing each other they seem to have genuinely interesting backgrounds. That said, the ending seems very rushed and Ione chose to write an epilogue rather than extending the length of the novel to integrate what reads to be a rather important part of the book. It is a shame that it couldn’t have been elongated to include this part.

The only other issue I had with Pleasure Unbound is at the beginning the called the doctors at the hospital kept referring the Tayla as Buffy (aka Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and I then couldn’t help but compare it to the TV series, and there were several obvious parts of the novel that was lifted directly from the programme, which was disappointing.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating
Violence:
Plenty of violence and demon hunting.
Sex/Nudity: This book is 80% porn and 20% storyline.
Swearing: I am sure there was some, but it is not the main thing that one is drawn to when reading this book.
Summary: A dirty, filthy read that to be honest I hope Ione writes more of. 7/10

THE BURNING SOUL GIVEAWAY


Randall Haight has a secret: when he was a teenager, he and his friend killed a 14-year-old girl. Randall did his time and built a new life in the small Maine town of Pastor's Bay, but somebody has discovered the truth about Randall. He is being tormented by anonymous messages, haunting reminders of his past crime, and he wants private detective Charlie Parker to make it stop. But another 14-year-old girl has gone missing, this time from Pastor's Bay, and the missing girl's family has its own secrets to protect. Now Parker must unravel a web of deceit involving the police, the FBI, a doomed mobster named Tommy Morris, and Randall Haight himself. Because Randall Haight is telling lies ...

Thanks to our friends at Hodder & Stoughton, we've got four copies of The Burning Soul to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Tuesday 6th September, making sure to put "Burning Soul" as the subject. The first four entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Burning Soul" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

The Burning Soul is available from Thursday 1st September, courtesy of Hodder and Stoughton.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

Monday 29 August 2011

Robotropolis Giveaway

Designed as slaves and programmed for a life of servitude to humans, the robots have finally turned against their masters and are seeking bloody revenge...

A triumphant day turns into a fight for survival in the corporate-owned ‘New Town’ when a news crew are invited to broadcast the opening of the largest robot-only run facility and the dawning of a production revolution. Outwardly the robots “live” harmoniously with humans, providing service and security, but things take a frightening turn when the robots suddenly revolt.
Without warning, a young correspondent is caught inside a terrifying killing zone and must do the best she can to survive the rampaging machines with the world watching live.

With incredible visual effects in a nerve-tingling thriller that could become all-too real- Welcome to Robotropolis!

Thanks to our friends at Metrodome, we've got three copies of Robotropolis to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Monday 5th September, making sure to put "Robotropolis" as the subject. The first three entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Robotropolis" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Robotropolis is available from Monday 5th September, courtesy of Metrodrome.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

Sunday 28 August 2011

Dickass DM

Remember good, old-fashioned gamebooks? They promised all the fun of a role-playing game, with none of the social interaction - what more could a teenage boy desire? The thing is, that while the gamebook became a great gaming experience in its own right, the only RPG it could possibly have simulated was one being GM'd by Satan himself. 90% of decisions led to certain death, and combat was often fatal.

Satan wasn't available, so Brad will be GMing Rob through an RPG based on the classic Joe Dever gamebook Freeway Warrior II: Mountain Run. Brad is the DM, and Rob plays his character, Brag Phoenix.

Catch up with previous Dickass DM installments here!
Brad: Supplies of food and water were adequate but the colony lacked sufficient firearms and ammo with which to defend itself. So, on the day before the colony was due to leave, one of the colonists was sent north to search the town of Sherman for weapons. He radioed back to say that he had found a cache of hunting rifles and ammo, but that his truck had broken down and he was stranded in the town. He had also found a survivor - a beautiful teenage girl - and he requested that you be sent to Sherman to pick them up.
Brag: 'Beautiful' is generous; I'd say "pretty good from the waist down".
Brad: As soon as you arrived you were ambusehd by the scouts of a brutal gang of bikers known as the Detroit Lions and, in the ensuing gun battle, you killed Stinger - the scout's leader.

Brag: Ah yeah, he was a cunt.
Brad: Later, you learned that the girl, Kate Norton, was the sole survivor of a Kansas City colony, which had been attacked and wiped out by the Detroit Lions. The Lions' leader, who calls himself "Mad Dog Michigan" had taken a liking to her and spared her life. Mad Dog had once been a high-ranking HAVOC agent.
Brag: I remember him, but I didn't remember that he was ex-HAVOC!
Brad: He had escaped from the Pontiac Deep Pen near Detroit, and he and his gang, most of whom were also HAVOC escapees, were heading for the Fort Hood Military Reserve near Killeen, Texas, the largest armoury in the whole of the United States. There he hoped to find enough weapons to equip the other HAVOC clans who were now in control of cities all along the eastern seaboard. Kate had managed to steal a motorcycle and escape from their camp, but Mad Dog had been determined to get her back. He sent his brother - Stinger - and a handful of his best scouts to track her down. They had finally caught up with her Sherman.
When Mad Dog learned that you had killed his brother, he vowed to get even with you at any price. He abandoned his plans to loot Fort Hood and embarked instead on a relentless pursuit of your colony as it crossed the sun-scorched wastelands of central Texas. The journey to Big Spring was filled with great danger.
Yet, in spite of the many perils you faced, perhaps because of them, you felt yourself falling in love with Kate and you sense that she, too, was becoming increasingly fond of you. Sadly, the convoy was only a few miles from Big Spring when disaster struck.
The land surrounding the settlement was controlled by a gang of bikers, a renegade clan called "The Mavericks" who had been the bane of the Big Spring colony for many months. As the convoy drew neareer to its destination, the Maverkicks launched an attack, and, in the running battle that ensued, they captured and abducted Kate.

Brag: Again, I don't remember falling for her.
MCSPINDLE: You totally made out with her on a riverbank.
Brad: The convoy entered the fortified gates of Big Spring to a rapturous welcome from the colonists of that settlement, but for you the mood of celebration was soured by the vivid memory of Kate's abduction. You vowed to rescue her, and, from that moment on, every waking minute of every day at Big Spring was spent thinking about little else.
Brag: Unless I wanted to fuck her (which as I said, I'm not ruling out), I doubt it.
Brad: By chance it transpired that the leader of the Mavericks, a blonde-haired murderer called Amex Gold, was a former HAVOC agenct who had served under Mad Dog Michigan before The Day. He offered to join forces with the Lions, and, as a token of his loyalty to his former commander, he returned Kate to him. Together, the Lions and the Mavericks launched a hasty attack on Big Spring. However, although they outnumbered the colony by more than three to one, they were unable to breach the settlement's fortified perimeter wall, and were repelled with heavy losses.
Rob: As all the American Sports teams slowly began to hate my face.
Brad: On the day after the attack, Pop Ewell discovered the radio frequency that the clansmen were using and was able to eavesdrop on their communications. He learned that Mad Dog had ordered another HAVOC clan, based in New Orleans, to come and reinforce his command; they were expected to arrived within the week. He also overheard Mad Dog arrange a meeting with Alcatraz, the leader of this Angelinos, a gang that controlled the city of San Angelo.
Brag: I hardly remember any of this! Stupid Absinthe!

Brad: I think some of this is filling in the gaps between the end of the last book and the start of this one. I thought it ended with your bird being kidnapped. Or shortly after, anyway.
He wanted him as an ally and was prepared to offer guns and ammo in return for his help in destroying Big Spring Colony. Two days later, Mad Dog Michigan set off for San Angelo at the head of a motorcycle pack 200 riders strong.
Those few clansmen who remained with Amex Gold tried myriad tricks to convince the colony that the Mavericks and the Lions still surrouned Big Spring in strength, but to no avail.
Rob: Are you just adding in random financial terms with Amex Gold?
Brad: The senior members of the newly enlarged colony convened a meeting at which it was decided that, with the clansmen now at their weakest, and with the appearance of the New Orleans gang expected at any time, a breakout had to be attempted without delay.
There is only one way for the colony to reach Tucson overland and that is to follow the remains of Interstate Freeway 20 through the arid, mountainous territory of western Texas.
Rob: Remains of freeways, of course, are the most reliable places to travel.
Brad: Precisely half-way between Big Spring and Tucson is situated the city of El Paso, which is chosen as the colony's first destination. The city lies at the end of a long, steep and torturous stertch of mountain highway, and few doubt that the journey to El Paso will prove the most exacting test of strength and endurance any of you are ever likely to face during your long journey to California.
Rob: Bit of trivia for you if you're interested.
Brad: What's that?
Rob: 'El Paso' is Spanish for 'The Paso'. Probably.

Brad: Throughout a long and moonless night, the colony loads up and manhandles into line the vehicles that are to transport you west to Tucson. Preparations for the breakout did not begin until an hour after sundown. Amex Gold has men positioned on nearby Signal Mountain with orders to observe and report all activity within Big Spring. Theses lookouts are especially vigilant; their leader is expecting the colony to attempt an escape and they know that their lives will be forfeit should they fail to predict exactly when it will occur.
MCSPINDLE: Jesus...I only said 'shall we have some music on?'.
Brag: And I said 'Rick Astley or nothing', it's your choice!
Brad: In near-blackness you service and refuel the BragWagon by sense of touch alone, while all around you the chill night air is alive with movement and whispering as your fellow colonists furtively attend to their allotted tasks. Although you cannot see them you know exactly the positions of the five other road vehicles that comprise the colony. At the head of the line, twenty paces back from the west freeway gate, is the armoured tow truck that will lead the breakout. The drive is 'Pecos' Pete Tyler, and beside him you can picture his brother Rex riding shotgun.
In the open back of their truck is Rickenbacker, a former flying curcus stunt pilor, who has chose to ride out in the open so that he can look after 'Icarus' - his motorised hang-glider - which by now he will have carefully dismantled and strapped aboard.
MCSPINDLE: Jesus...we're two of the sanest ones here, you know that?

Brad: Next in line are two Amcorp Landcruisers - solar assisted buses that carry the Big Spring colonists, and behind them is positioned the gasolene tanker with Uncle Jonas at the wheel. The DC1 school bus is next and the BragWagon last, the back marker until the convoy is clear of Big Spring. Once your preparations are complete you leave the BragWagon and feel your way along the side of the school bus towards the boarding door.
Cutter is sitting in the driver's seat, staring thoughtfully at the night sky, his face lit by the faint green glow of the instrument panel.
Cutter: Brag, you'd better get back and watch out for Pecos Pete's signal...We're outta here in fifteen minutes.
Brag: I'm not going to Tucson. For some reason I'm determined to pick up that sort of average looking girl I can probably bang. I reckon I can.
Cutter: [sympathetically] I understand how you feel, Brag, but you've a duty to the rest o' the colony that you can't just ignore. You're the convoy scout, the convoy's eyes and ears.
Brag: When did you start speaking correctly?
Cutter: We're gonna need you to get us across the mountains in one piece.
Brag: Nobody else has ears or eyes?! Rickenbacker can do that, he's got a radio, and he's more useful than me. Remember that time I developed cataracts?
Cutter: *stares*
Brag: Why are you staring like that? Do you know something I don't?
TO BE CONTINUED...
Words: Brad Harmer & Robert Wade
Brad Harmer: Facebook Twitter
Rob Wade: Twitter
This is intended as a loving tribute to Joe Dever, the Freeway Warrior series, Slaughter Mountain Run/Mountain Run, and all other gamebooks of yesteryear.

Saturday 27 August 2011

DVD Reviews

Iron & Blood: The Legend of Taras Bulba
Starring: Bohdan Stupka, Igor Petrenko & Vladimir Vdovichenkov
Director: Vladimir Bortko
Metrodome Group
Available from 22/08/11 on DVD
Review by Rob Wade

Forged by many years of tears and bloodshed, Taras Bulba is a hardened warlord determined to wage war against Poland. He has two beloved sons, Ostap and Andriy, whom he seeks to train as warriors. Although Ostap is just as bloodthirsty as his father, Andriy falls for a daughter of the enemy – a Polish noblewoman. Forsaking his heritage for the woman he loves, the news leaves Taras Bulba determined to fight to the death to defeat his foes and seek revenge on his own son.

Now, I realise before I start that this movie is based on a story, and that it’s held as a pretty damn good story, if a little on the pro-Russian side of what was debatably a mixed affair in terms of successes. However, I haven’t read it, thus can only go by how well this film stands up by itself. Now, the pleasant news in this instance is that the film holds up pretty reasonably for the most part, though it’s not all good news.

First things first, the battle scenes in this movie are done particularly well, which is helpful considering that the movie is based on a story of war. The deaths, in particular, are pretty gruesome, and fit well with the tone of the movie. It’s a good rule of thumb that if you’re going to have an overarching theme, you want the movie to reflect that part well, right? Right. Now, the downside to this movie is that the non-fighting parts are pretty tedious, and there are rather a lot of them over the two hour movie.

Another thing I liked about the movie was how the character of Taras Bulba was developed over the course of the film. Unsurprisingly, he features pretty heavily, and over the course of the film he goes from loving father to a man crushed by his son's betrayal, all the while defiant against the Polish. His portrayal is probably the best one in the film, although the sons have some good scenes.

The problem I ultimately had with this movie was one of execution. Not the killing kind, the making things happen kind. For a movie which contained Russian language, you'd expect more from the subtitle work and efforts to make it comprehensible. Now, this movie deals with Russian and Polish interaction in a very odd way. When Polish characters are talking to Russian characters, they add in a guy who sounds nothing like the other characters to translate it into Russian. The problem, though, is that it kills all suspension of disbelief. And for those who argue that it's necessary for the movie's largely Russian audience, ask yourself one question: do you think that the characters had someone talking over the top of them? If there was a translator, I don't see why they couldn't have written them into the movie. If not, then how did it function?

Ultimately, if you enjoy the story, it seems a pretty faithful adaptation from the (albeit brief) research I've done. If you're just after a war movie, there are better ones out there.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating
Violence: Castle sieges and plenty of swordy goodness and guns.
Sex/Nudity: One girl gets her boobs out a few times, there’s some sex as well.
Swearing: None, though there’s plenty of vitriol in the speech.
Summary: A pretty good romp, and does what it sets out to do effectively. 6/10




Darkies Mob – The Secret War of Joe Darkie
John Wagner & Mike Western

Set against the savage realities of the Burma Conflict, Darkie’s Mob was one of Battle Picture Weekly’s most action-packed and revolutionary stories. Showcasing the shocking humour and stark characterisation of Darkie’s Mob, The Secret War of Joe Darkie introduces this unforgettable story of a renegade captain leading a rag-tag squad of British soldiers behind enemy lines, to a new generation of readers.


Johnny Red – Falcon’s First Flight
Tom Tully & Joe Colquhoun

Johnny Red: The Falcon’s First Flight is the first volume in an eagerly anticipated series reprinting the classic story by Tom Tully (Roy of the Rovers) and Joe Colquhoun (Charley’s War).

When pilot Johnny Redburn is discharged from the RAF for striking an officer, he is forced to join the Merchant Navy. But a German sneak attack forces Redburn back into the air — in a stolen Hurricane! Redburn aims for Russia, planning to save his plane and career, but on landing, meets the “Falcon Squadron” of the 5th Soviet Air Brigade, who are under German attack! Redburn takes to the skies once more — to fight for Russia!

Thanks to our friends at Titan Books, we've got a copy of each of these excellent books to give away to one lucky reader! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Saturday 3rd September, making sure to put "War Comics" as the subject. The first entry out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "War Comics" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Darkies Mob – The Secret War of Joe Darkie and Johnny Red – Falcon’s First Flight are both available now, courtesy of Titan Books.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

Friday 26 August 2011

Dickass DM

Remember good, old-fashioned gamebooks? They promised all the fun of a role-playing game, with none of the social interaction - what more could a teenage boy desire? The thing is, that while the gamebook became a great gaming experience in its own right, the only RPG it could possibly have simulated was one being GM'd by Satan himself. 90% of decisions led to certain death, and combat was often fatal.

Satan wasn't available, so Brad will be GMing Rob through an RPG based on the classic Joe Dever gamebook Freeway Warrior II: Mountain Run. Brad is the DM, and Rob plays his character, Brag Phoenix.

Catch up with previous Dickass DM installments here!
Brad: You are Brag Phoenix, a survivor, born in California on Thanksgiving Day in the year 2000.
Rob: I remember that! Well, not the birth.
Brad: In 2012, whilst on winter vacation at your Uncle Jonas' and Aunt Betty-Ann's ranch in Texas, you were invited to visit a shale-oil mine near Austin, the first of its kind in Texas.
As Chief of Construction, your uncle was proud to take you on a guided tour of the whole underground complex, which, for security reasons, was totally self-supporting.
It was during this tour on 3rd January 2012 (Blake's 26th Birthday) that the unthinkable happened. You remember how the ground shuddered when the shock waves from the first distant explosions reached the mine. Immediately you assumed it was the start of an earthquake, which you had experienced many times at home in California. However, as the levels nearest the surface begain to collapse and the central elevator shaft filled with rubble, you realised the awful truth: the holocaust. At first there was no way of telling the extent of the surface devastation.
Rob: See, last time round I treated this like playing Fallout 3. I realise now how foolish that was.

Brad: How so?
Rob: Well, it's clearly more like Fallout: New Vegas.
Brad: Below ground, the safety generators had switched into operation automatically when the main power supply failed, and the tremors had faded quickly, which encouraged your aunt and uncle to believe that the danage was superficial. Uncle Jonas was confident that the military would mount a rescue operation and that you would be brought out within a few days, a week at the most. Aunt Betty-Ann, too, was optimistic. After all, there were emergency supplies - enough to feed two hundred men for a whole month.
Rob: Or one man for two hundred months...
Brad: Little did she know that the three of you would end up consuming all those supplies, or that the mine would become your home, your shelter and your prison for the next eight years of your lives.
It was early in September in the year 2019 when eventually you broke through to the surface. When first you set eyes on the landscape surrounding the mine, it was like looking at the surface of another planet. Few structures had survived the blizzards and intense cold that had swept around the world in the years following The Day, and now, after the dust had settled and the sun had returned, the one-fertile plains of Austin resembled little more than a desert of parched and broken rock, littered with the artefactts of an absent civilisation.
A bit like Birmingham.
Rob: Sounds about right, I've been there once.
Brad: During the first few days, when you set out to explore this wilderness, it was easy to believe that you were the only survivors. But on the morning of the fifth day Uncle Jonas made chance radio contact with a family called Ewell who were living near the ruins of McKinney, thirty miles north of Dallas. They told him that they had been in touch with a handful of other groups who had managed somehow to survive the holocaust. Most were isolated and unable to move due to lack of fuel, food or water. They had urged those who could travel to join them in McKinney to start a new community there, and some people were already on their way.
When your uncle and aunt accepted their invitation, the Ewells were enthusiastic, but also warned you to be wary - not everyone who had survived wanted to establih a new community.
They did not, however, warn you of their disrespect for grammar and pronunciation.

Rob: Yeah, they are particularly verb-rapey.
Brad: The ruins of some large Texan cities, such as Dallas and Forth Worth, were controlled by gangs of criminals who fought with each other and terrorised anyone seeking to re-establish law and order. They urged you to avoid these gangs at all costs. It took more than a week to discover a vehicle that could transport you to McKinney.
Rob: Probably because of how long it took them to put together a correct sentence.
Brad: It was an old school bus, one that had been parked in an underground lot and had survived the years of sub-zero blizzards. With fuel and spares salvaged from the mine, you managed to coax it back to life, and then set off on your journey north. When you arrived at the town, it was easy to find where the Ewells lived - their ranch was the only place that was still standing. It looked more like an old frontier post than a ranch, with its fortified perimeter wall, lookout posts and stake-filled moat. However, after being ambushed and shot at by the city gangs of Fort Worth during the final stages of your journey, you fully appreciated the need for these defences.
Rob: Yeah, I remember bullets.
Brad: "Pop" Ewell, the seventy year-old grandfather of the Ewell family, was the leader of this small colony of survivors, and it was he would had urged Uncle Jonas to join them when they had first made radio contact. The colony numbered less than a dozen at the time of your arrival, yet, as the airwaves became clearer and new contacts were made, soon this number had more than doubled to twenty-five. It was decided that a name was needed to identify the settlement. The name "Dallas Colony One" was adopted, known as "DC1" for short - just beating out "Tom Brady Is The Second Coming of Christ Village" by three votes.
From that day on, everyone seeking refuge from the hostile wastelands and maruading city gangs.
"Cutter" Jacks was one such refugee. Before The Day, he had been chief mechanic at the International Grand Prix Circuit near Lake Dallas, and his incredible skill with (and knowledge of) engines was soon to prove invaluable to the colony. He taught you how to drive, and from a pile of old wrecks that you helped him salvage from the circuit, he build you The BragWagon. You used it - along with its powerful on-board computer, the Micro-Chip Single Processor Intuitive Network/Driver Liason Engine - to patrol the highways north of the city, keeping a lookout for gangs of city punks who frequently mounted raids to steal or destroy DC1's supplies.
Cutter also taught you to shoot.

Rob: That, he does do well. I recall popping many a cap in asses.
Brad: It was your natural prowess with a gun, and your skill behind the wheel, that was to earn you the begruding respect of your enemies, who tool to calling you "The Freeway Warrior". Six months after you arrived at DC1, the colony was faced with a major crises. A heat wave was causing a drought that threatened to destroy the food supply. Crops were failing and the colony's aretsian well, its only source of uncontaminated water, was beginning to dry up. The drought was also provoking more attacks from the city punks, who were desperate for food and water.
Their common need had united them and now they posed a very real threat to the security of DC1.
Rob: I meant to ask last time, is DC1 my rap posse?
Brad: Can you imagine having a hillbilly hype man?
Rob: Don King with a Georgia accent?
Brad: It was the last day of May, 2020, when Pop Ewell made radio contact with another colony who were based in the city of Big Spring, three hundred miles west of McKinney. Their situation was completely the reverse of DC1's: they had food and water in plentiful supply, but they were desperately short of fuel. They told of their contact with survivors in Tucson, Arizona, who were also without fuel.
The Tucson colony reported that the territories west of the Sierra Nevada mountains had been spared the worst effects of the radioactive blizzards that had devastated the rest of the country and, miraculously, much of souther California was still widely populated. In fact, it had survived the last eight years virtually intact. When you heard the news you could hardly believe your ears. Perhaps your family was still alive.
Brag: Aside from the...y'know...LA Riots...The second ones.

Brad: After all that had happened, there was now a real hope that one day you might be reunited with them. A meeting was held to decide how best to deal with the crises facing DC1. Everyone agreed that to stay at McKinney would lead eventually to death, either slowly from starvation or suddenly at the hands of the murderous city gangs.
Rob: They're murderous, so I hear...
Brad: The only choice open to DC1 was to try to reach California; only there lay real hope for the future of the colony. The decision was relayed to the survivors at Big Spring and a deal was struck to rendezvous with them as soon as possible. DC1 would refuel them in exchange for food and water, and together they would join up with the Tucson colony for the final stage of the journey to California. Careful preparations were made for the long trek, and three vehicles were chosen to make up the convoy: the school bus, the BragWagon, and a gasolene tanker laden with 5,000 gallons of petroleum syphoned from underground storage tanks at the Ewell ranch.
Brag: This is safe, right?
Words: Brad Harmer & Robert Wade
Brad Harmer: Facebook Twitter
Rob Wade: Twitter
This is intended as a loving tribute to Joe Dever, the Freeway Warrior series, Slaughter Mountain Run/Mountain Run, and all other gamebooks of yesteryear.


THE POISON DIAIRES: NIGHTSHADE GIVEAWAY


Sixteen year-old Jessamine Luxton is heartbroken. Her true love, the strange and intriguing young man who came into her life so suddenly, has disappeared.

Jessamine suspects that her father, Thomas, may have been involved. Thomas was obsessed with poisons and discovering Weed's secret understanding of dangerous plants. This suspicion and her own growing expertise with poisons have changed her. She is no longer innocent. So when Jessamine learns that Weed is alive and in danger, she will do whatever it takes to be reunited with him, including killing whoever gets in her way.

Thanks to our friends at Harper Collins, we've got five copies of The Poison Diaries: Nightshade to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Friday 2nd September, making sure to put "Nightshade" as the subject. The first five entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Nightshade" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Nightshade is available now, courtesy of Harper Collins.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

Thursday 25 August 2011

Gaming Reviews - Deus Ex: Human Revolution


Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Eidos Montreal/Square Enix
Available from 26/08/11 on PC, PS3 (Version Tested) and Xbox 360
Review by Rob Wade

Let’s first get one thing out of the way. I’m not going to talk to you about Gibson’s Neuromancer, any subjects of transhumanism or any other subjects besides the game. I realise that other reviewers do that and more power to them for it – they’re obviously very intelligent people. However, I’m here to talk about the game.

If you want a comparison of this game to the great and classic works of fiction in the genre, this one’s not for you. If you simply want to know if the game is any good and worth playing, read on.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution is an action RPG which tells the story of Adam Jensen, an ex-SWAT specialist who has been handpicked to oversee the defensive needs of one of America’s most experimental biotechnology firms, Sarif Industries. Badly wounded during an attack on the facility, he soon finds himself chasing down leads across the globe, never knowing who to trust. Adam begins to question the ethics of neuroprosthetics and everything he thought he knew.

The main mechanic of this game is the earning of XP (or Experience Points if you’ve been living under a rock for the last twenty-five or so years) which allow you to unlock upgrade points called Praxis Kits, which give the player a range of upgrades to all sorts of things, organised by body parts. These can range from giving you increased accuracy when shooting, increased information from enemies (line of sight and so on) all the way to making your hacking attempts that little bit harder to detect (more on that later). As upgrading systems go, it’s probably one of the most intelligently designed and easiest to comprehend that I’ve experienced, and I’ve played my fair share of RPG action (and indeed action RPGs). What's more, you don't find yourself unable to complete any of the game's tasks by choosing one path or the other. Stealth options don't reduce your ability to beat the game's boss characters, and the combat options don't mean that you're awful at stealth should the situation call for it.


Don’t worry though; players aren’t merely limited to just upgrading their own powers, and every gun has a range of possible upgrades from rate of fire to capacity, and even things like more advanced targeting systems, though if you’re anything like me you’ll spend most of them on your 10mm pistol. Old habits die hard, and no habits are older than my penchant for 10mm pistols in role-playing games, as friends who’ve seen me play Fallout 3 will no doubt recall.

Played from a first-person perspective, with third-person views for entering cover, Deus EX: HR allows the player to experience the world in a number of different ways. The two main ways in which you can traverse the world are stealth-heavy and action-focused. In fact, the first mission asks you this very question, requesting a response of “Lethal” or “Non-lethal”. Players are then rewarded for sticking to this approach as they play through. What struck me instantly about this approach was how seamless the experience was made by this system. The range of attacks is pretty high, with a variety of different upgradeable guns, as well as my personal favourite moves, the Take Downs. In accordance with your chosen path, you can make these lethal or non-lethal as you go along, and what’s nice about that is that taking down an enemy non-lethally when you’re playing stealthily will give you some extra bonus XP for mercy.

As a stealth-action fan, I naturally began my quest as the “non-lethal” guy. Now, regrettably I did have to stray from this a couple of times (because although I am a fan of stealth-action, that doesn’t always mean I’m consistently good at it), but all that happened was that I lost some bonus points. No mission failure or anything like that, and indeed the game is set up really well in the sense that there isn’t really a way to fail a mission besides death. When you have to help someone get out of the building safe, you can simply give them a gun and send them on their way (Word of advice, incidentally, give them a gun you haven’t spent thousands of credits upgrading – that still burns a bit).


Players do also have the option of the hacking route, as well as a more social route where they can talk people into giving them their way. The hacking route is probably the most robust of these modes, with arguably enough depth to keep a real enthusiast happy (and an XP bonus named “Script Kiddie” which gave me a chuckle given the nature of so many of today’s “hackers”). Players go from node to node on the network, following any path they really choose, with a really good risk/reward balance. If a player feels so inclined, they can take a less direct path to the final node which may make the hack easier, but they also have the option to follow the most direct path possible at the cost of making it easier for the computer to detect your actions. When it does detect you, it sends out a signal designed to kill off your attempt. While this is sometimes frantic (and at times unfair – Six seconds, Eidos?! Really?!), it makes for some really exciting moments from what could easily have so easily been a tedious gameplay mechanic, and the rewards are usually good enough to justify the effort, with codes and credits up for grabs.

The conversation window is not as deep as the hacking minigame, but players who prefer the verbose approach will be pleased to know that there are various different conversation options, all of which can end up with different outcomes depending on how strictly you follow your course of enquiry. Players can often find that they could shorten their side missions by a massive amount by choosing the right dialog options. Mission structure is one of the greatest strengths of this game, with players able to make side quests active and inactive in order to avoid clutter on the HUD. The side missions are also of a really good variety, rather than just degrading into just shooting shit or killing someone. You spend just as much time hacking terminals, stealing items and delivering messages and so forth.

Of course, the measure of any success with a Deus Ex game is the strength of its main quest and storyline in general, and Deus Ex: Human Revolution does not disappoint in this area. The main story is full of intrigue, throwing you red herrings all the time to make it impossible to rely too closely on anyone. What’s more impressive, however, is the treatment of Adam Jensen’s character in the game. Having to uncover a conspiracy while at the same time dealing with the repercussions of his cybernetic implants. It’s a real testament to the strength of the writing that I found myself empathising more with Adam as the game went along (I originally, truthfully, thought he was a bit of a douche).

The graphics are really good on this game, too. While Eidos has steered clear of the properly photo-realistic approach, which looks crap in my eyes anyway, the graphics on this game are top notch, and technically the game performs really well in motion, with no slowdown that I saw. What’s really great, though, is the environment itself. The game’s world feels suitably lived-in, with incidental conversations occurring as you pass people, sometimes involving you. The game world is clearly built for this mechanic, with multiple paths to every important destination. In one section in China, I found myself able to access one hotel by three different means, two of which didn’t involve me passing a single guard. Of course, if you do find yourself needing to pass guards, there is cloaking ability, plus there’s always the take-down.



On a final note, I would like to offer this praise to Deus Ex: Human Revolution. This game does the little things really, really well. From little nods to Internet communities, like the Final Fantasy XXVII release poster and the memes traditionally favoured by Internet forums like Reddit (a great place to browse game-related photos and circlejerks involving retro consoles and PC gamer superiority complexes), Eidos has made this game very much aware of the way of the Internet gaming community, and all of those little touches add up to a really strong game.

I’ll give you another example of doing things right. I was sneaking my way through a location, and had taken down a couple of soldiers, piling their bodies up in a stack off in a corner which wasn’t being visited by patrolling guards. I made a noise, which alerted a guard on a downstairs level. He made his way up to the level on which I was placed, which was fine until he started exploring the entire floor that I was on, including the less explored corner. I tensed right up, readying myself for a fight in case he saw the bodies, finger poised to lean out and pop the sucker, when he stopped just before the body stash and turned, returning to his post downstairs. If that doesn’t do stealth gaming right, I don’t know what does. Superb.

The Emotionally Fourteen Games Rating
Graphics: Some really nice graphics, and although they’re not photo-realistic they suit the tone really well. Brilliant environments.
Sound/Music: Some awesome atmospheric music , and the sound is all good.
Gameplay: Stealth gaming of the highest calibre, along with action and RPG gaming of a high standard. An expansive yet realistic-feeling world as well.
Lasting Appeal: With multiple ways to approach each mission, it’s pretty much a cert that you’ll be firing this up a few times. More importantly, you'll want to.
Summary: One of the most tightly put together gaming experiences in recent memory, and a game worthy of contention for the highest honours come year’s end. 10/10

WRECKAGE GIVEAWAY


An automobile wrecking yard after dark provides the perfect location for a nail-biting slasher with a killer twist in Wreckage, directed by John Mallory Asher and featuring an attractive cast of young up-and-coming talent that includes Aaron Paul (The Last House On The Left), Scoot McNairy (Monsters), Cameron Richardson, Kelly Kruger and Mike Erwin.

When their car’s fan belt snaps during a drag race on a county road several miles outside their home town, best friends Jared, Kate, Rick, and Jessica find themselves stranded with two options: walk all the way back home or try their luck on finding a spare belt at a nearby scrap yard. Choosing the latter, but arriving after nightfall and finding the yard closed, they decide to climb the gate and go in search of the required part. Their situation goes from mildly inconvenient to seriously lethal in an instant when Rick’s careless horseplay with a loaded pistol leaves Kate wounded and in desperate need of medical attention.

Meanwhile, the local sheriff’s office has just received notification that a serial killer has escaped from the state prison and is thought to be hiding out somewhere in the area. Alerted to the situation at the wrecking yard by Jared, the police and ambulance crew arrive on the scene but can find no immediate sign of Rick, Jessica or the injured Kate. Moments later, the discovery of a mutilated body places Jared in the frame as the prime suspect in a murder investigation and leads to a long night of bloodshed and mayhem as a mysterious killer

Thanks to our friends at Chelsea Films, we've got three copies of Wreckage on DVD to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Thursday 1st September, making sure to put "Wreckage" as the subject. The first three entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Wreckage" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Wreckage is available now, courtesy of Chelsea Films.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Saturday Morning Cartoons - E14 Style (Part 2)

Saturday Morning Cartoons. It was a staple of the weekend for many children, and those who didn’t have it will just have to live with the knowledge that their childhood, however awesome, wasn’t quite the peak of win. This said, at the core E14 is about never letting certain aspects of your childhood slip away. Earlier in the week, I gave you two hours of suggestions for cartoon awesomeness, but why not round it off with a full-lengther?

And I don't just mean me!

10:00-12:00 - Resident Evil: Degeneration

What better way to end your cartoon-fest than with a movie which combines video games, zombies and Japanese CG? That’s right, there’s something that does all three! Resident Evil: Degeneration is set in 2005. Umbrella Corporation is gone, but its effects on Raccoon City live on in world politics, and the minds of Claire Redfield and Leon Kennedy. When Claire arrives at the airport to help some people on behalf of the aid organisation she now works for, the world’s worst fears are realised when an outbreak of zombification hits the airport. The outbreak has to be controlled, and Leon Kennedy is sent in. When the incident is rumoured to just be the beginning and the work of bio-terrorists, it’s up to Leon and Claire to save the day. I should totally write movie synopses, right?

I was filled with unease at the thought of an anime based on the game series, as generally the adaptations of video games tend not to be so effective in movie form. Indeed, I was sceptical that the anime form would be any kinder to video games, but thankfully this was not the case. I think spin-off storylines tend to help, as the strongest movie adaptations of video games do something a little bit different to the original source material. Ultimately, if you make a complete departure, the game fans won’t like it. If you make a shot-for-shot remake, the fans won’t like it. We’re a tough bunch to please, us video gamers, although Silent Hill FTW in any form. Except comic book, but that was more art style than source material.

Anyway, the premise of Degeneration is a strong one, and deals with the aftermath of the Raccoon City incident in a really good way, with an opening montage which shows the political fallout from the games. Umbrella is gone, and the new mega-corporation in town is WilPharma, but all of their moves are scrutinised at every turn by TerraSave, an organisation that helps out at chemical and biological warfare sites. The politics is kept to a minimum, which is nice, as often a lot of preaching can make it particularly difficult to sit through a movie. On a related subject, I watched The Hurt Locker the other day, and really appreciated the fact that despite the serious subject matter the movie didn’t spend a lot of time preaching about the futility of war and so on.

Anyway, the other thing that I was really impressed by when it came to this movie was how well the visuals hold up. From the disc box, I got the impression that it would be one of those movies which looks great in all the stills but looks shitty in motion. Thankfully, it’s not in the least bit applicable to this movie, and the visuals look amazing. The voice acting doesn’t hold up as much as the other features on this list, but you can’t have everything. On the plus side, they use some of the authentic voice actors for characters who appear in the series elsewhere, with Leon’s voice fitting absolutely perfectly. What’s more, the filmmakers have seen fit to make Leon’s character an absolute hard-faced motherfucker, which I’m all for. Who doesn’t love a military character who speaks only at the minimum required level of words to get his point across?

Claire’s a reasonably well-done character in this as well, but the strength of the story is mainly in its overall plot, which without containing a massive amount of twisting storyline still successfully manages to have a little dodgy dealing going on behind the scenes, and when you think you’ve got the plot completely figured out they throw in just enough to make you doubt what you have a handle on.

Alternatives - Dead Space: Downfall

A slightly shorter alternative this time around, but that just gives you more “advert” time (shiny, shiny….). This one deals with similar themes to Resident Evil: Degeneration, dealing specifically with the fate of the crew of the USG Ishimura which players explore in the original Dead Space video game.

Another anime done with a good artistic style, this one has more of a classic cartoon style visually, and so feels like a natural evolution of the cartoons which we grew up with. Naturally, there’s more swearing in this, and more adult themes, but that’s sort of the point, wouldn’t you say?

There you have it, you’ve got 4 hours of animated entertainment to keep you busy, and we’ve even given you alternatives in case you’ve seen our main recommendation. If you’ve seen both the main and the alternative, then congratulations: You’re fucked.

Presented to you in Rob Wade Vision- Follow Rob Wade on Twitter

WIN! Red Riding Hood on Blu-ray™ Triple Play


Rethink everything you knew about the age-old tale as Red Riding Hood is available now on Blu-ray™ Triple Play, DVD and download on. To celebrate three lucky Emotionally Fourteen readers could be in with the chance of winning a copy of the Blu-ray™ Triple Play.

Starring Amanda Seyfried (Letters to Juliet, Mamma Mia), Red Riding Hood is the tale of beautiful young villager Valerie (Seyfried), who is promised in marriage to one man but in love with another. Her troubles intensify when the local werewolf rejects its monthly animal sacrifice and kills Valerie’s older sister. When a werewolf hunter, played by Gary Oldman (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2), tells the villagers that the werewolf is disguised among the villages in human form, Valerie discovers she has a unique connection to it. Their connection inexorably draws them together, making her both suspect...and bait!

Don’t miss Red Riding Hood - available now on Blu-ray™ Triple Play, DVD and digital download!

To be in with the chance of winning a copy of Red Riding Hood Triple Play, please answer the following question:

1) Red Riding Hood stars this young actress, who launched her career in the successful comedy Mean Girls and soon after starred in Mamma Mia!, Dear John and Letters to Juliet. Name the actress.

For your chance of winning, send your answer, name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Wednesday 31st August, making sure to put "Red Riding Hood" as the subject. The first three entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Red Riding Hood" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

©2011 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Almighty Thor Giveaway

Legends tell that in times of great need a hero will rise. That time is now...


The lord of the underworld, Loki (Richard Grieco), unleashes a war against the divine realm of Asgard in an attempt to steal the Hammer of Invincibility, Mjolnir. With Valhalla on the brink of collapse, Lord Odin (played by six-time world wrestling champion Kevin Nash) sends his son, Thor, to Earth to keep the Hammer safe. But Loki follows him, bringing death and destruction with him. Thor must accept his destiny and become the God of Thunder to face his enemy in an apocalyptic clash that will decide the fate of humanity.

Thanks to our friends at Metrodome, we've got three copies of Almighty Thor on DVD to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Tuesday 30th August, making sure to put "Almighty Thor" as the subject. The first three entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Almighty Thor" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Almighty Thor is available from 29th August, courtesy of Metrodome.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

Monday 22 August 2011

Saturday Morning Cartoons - E14 Style

Saturday Morning Cartoons. It was a staple of the weekend for many children, and those who didn’t have it will just have to live with the knowledge that their childhood, however awesome, wasn’t quite the peak of win. This said, at the core E14 is about never letting certain aspects of your childhood slip away, so today let’s take a look at the way to make your Saturday Mornings more awesome in a way that only we can recommend.

In order to give it a fair test, I’m taking the following as the unofficial rules of Saturday Morning Cartoons. Firstly, I’m taking the total length of programming as 4 hours, as the only record I could find of any classic Saturday Morning Cartoon timings ran from 8am to 12pm. Secondly, all episodes of TV series are being taken as 30 minutes, and feature length presentations are taken as two hours, in order to account for where the ads would have been. If you don’t like that, take the 7 or so minutes you gain as a result of the shorter episodes and spend them polishing my proverbial balls.

I do have real balls as well, by the way, but like I’m going to let you rabble anywhere near them!

08:00-09:00 - Futurama Double-Bill


It’s no secret to loyal readers that I’m quite the fan of Futurama, even going so far as to call it better than The Simpsons simply because it never got to the stale stage. Since that post, admittedly, they’ve released some of those straight-to-DVD editions of Futurama, which while they’ve provided some laughs maybe weren’t up to the same standard. Nevertheless, my feeling of it as one of the best TV programmes in history still remains.

If you’re after specific seasons to watch, I’d personally recommend the second or third season, as this is where I feel the series hit its stride in terms of great episodes. Ultimately, the reason for this is that these series develop the secondary cast really well. With episodes dedicated to Hermes (“How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”) and Zoidberg (“Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love?”) particular highlights, there’s also no shortage of good episodes with the main cast as well.

Alternatives - Family Guy

Yeah, I’m aware that in the above post I referred to this show as “Overrated” (quite rightly so, in my opinion), but for the sake of an hour’s viewing, it’s very easy to find two episodes worth watching. Episodes of note include “Da Boom” (dealing with the Griffin family coping with post-nuclear Quahog) and “If I’m Dyin’, I’m Lyin’” where faking a life-threatening illness backfires for Peter (imagine that).

09:00-10:00 – Star Wars: The Clone Wars

This is one of those series that, although I’d enjoyed the two cartoon tales done before this CG series, really didn’t interest me initially. The idea of a CG series produced for the US’ Cartoon Network was one thing, but the idea of one that extensively featured the Separatist battle droids and Jar Jar Binks was something else entirely. After all, as far as I’m concerned, the battle droids are far more stupid than Jar Jar’s character (though I marvel at how much the latter seems to feature despite fan reception for his character). Imagine how much The Terminator would suck if Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cyborg character showed not only emotion, but goofy emotion.

Anyway, one of the best things about this series is that the character development is done really well. That’s right, even the stupid characters are well-developed. The first episode is about a group of clone troopers led by Yoda who get ambushed by Separatist droids. Two things stood out about the episode. The first is a more obvious theme throughout the episode, and sees Yoda giving the clone troopers some words of encouragement in one of the more poignant memories I have of cartoon history, besides the futuristic New Adventures of He-Man feature film where you thought he got killed within the first five minutes. I’m not convinced, incidentally, that I didn’t imagine that occurrence, so I’d be grateful for some feedback from people who remember it.

The second is a much more subtle thing which can just be chalked up to people “getting” the character which they’re writing. It involves an awesome Separatist character whose name rhymes with Barrage Bentress, and it’s one look which defines the character; instantly hate-filled, arrogant and embodying everything that we associate with the Sith. Brad had to point that one out to me the first time, but when I went back and looked I was blown away with how well it fit. I suppose it’s a testament to the subtlety of it that I didn’t spot it on first viewing.

Still, through the first series alone, viewers are given an insight into the lair of General Grievous, and considering that the series is on Cartoon Network, it’s dark as fuck for the younger viewer. I suppose that it’s a sign of changing times that the PG rating has changed significantly in its definition of what might be upsetting for younger viewers. Having said that, a guy pulled a bloke’s heart out of his chest in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and that was PG, so maybe it’s not always that simple.

Adding to the series’ character development ethos is the quality of the visuals, which are absolutely spot-on, especially on Blu-Ray where the series really looks sublime. Although the music is changed a little bit to reflect the more military feel of the series, the music still feels like Star Wars, even if it’s not as good as the films’ soundtracks. The voice acting is also superb. Considering that there are very few characters that are voiced by their original actors, the voice actors playing the roles still manage to do their part convincingly.

Alternatives - Batman: The Animated Series

This one should come as no surprise to loyal fans either, as I’ve been pretty vocal on my appreciation for Batman in the past. The series is a good ‘un, and pretty much made Mark Hamill a hero among cartoon fans and (later) video game fans. Now, granted, a lot of those people should have been fans if they weren’t already, as there was probably a fair Star Wars overlap. Mark Hamill is amazing, and let’s never say another less-than-glowing thing about him on E14 again, eh? That’d be great. Honestly…

Come back to E14 on Wednesday, where we'll be doing the second half of our Saturday Morning Cartoon schedule! Don't forget, if you have questions/comments/criticisms (constructive ideally please), you can get in touch with us either via the comments field or on the site email.

Presented to you in Rob Wade Vision- Follow Rob Wade on Twitter

HATCHET 2 GIVEAWAY


To celebrate the 29th August UK DVD and Blu-ray release of Hatchet 2 - directed by Adam Green (Hatchet; Frozen; Spiral) we have an original money-can't-buy cinema poster of the film signed by the great horror director himself plus a copy of the film on Blu-ray. Hatchet 2 is being released by Arrow Films and is available to order from Amazon on DVD and Blu-ray right now!

For your chance of winning these awesome prizes, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Monday 29th August, making sure to put "Hatchet 2" as the subject. The first entry out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will the poster and Blu-ray!

Don't forget to put "Hatchet 2" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Hatchet 2 is available from Monday 29th August.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

Sunday 21 August 2011

Dickass DM


Remember good, old-fashioned gamebooks? They promised all the fun of a role-playing game, with none of the social interaction - what more could a teenage boy desire? The thing is, that while the gamebook became a great gaming experience in its own right, the only RPG it could possibly have simulated was one being GM'd by Satan himself. 90% of decisions led to certain death, and combat was often fatal.

Satan wasn't available, so Brad will be GMing Rob through an RPG based on the classic Ian Livingstone gamebook Island of the Lizard King. Brad is the DM, and Rob plays his character, Brag Slytherin.

Catch up with previous Dickass DM installments here!
Brad: You lead your band of fighters out of the mines and attack the mud huts where the guards live. The last of them is soon slain and the former prisoners begin to celebrate by cheering and singing. An old Dwarf begins a jig and is soon encircled by a clapping, happy audience. For the moment, all sufferings and troubles are forgotten.
Brag: Now? Really?
Brad: While everybody is still revelling in their freedom, an Elf comes up to you and asks to speak with you alone. You walk away from the others to listen to what the Elf has to say.
Brag: Okay, let me guess. You don't want to play with the other boys because you...have a bum leg? Have a leg bum?

Brad: With a worried expression on his face, he tells you that an attack on the Lizard King's fort would be suicidal. For the sake of power and near-immortality , the Lizard King has allowed a hideous parasite, the Gonchong, to attach itself to his head.
That's a really stupid sounding name.
Rob: Gon...chong?
Brad: Mind if I come up with a better name?
Rob: Please.
Brad: Right...a good name for an obnoxious parasite...
Rob: Careful...
Brad: With the Br'an-re'sen'shon's proboscis implanted firmly in his brain, the Lizard King remains invincible, telepathically controlling his mutant warriors. To kill the Lizard King, the Br'an-re'sen'shon must first be destroyed. But only the island's Shaman knows the secret of its magical powers. It cannot be harmed without the knowledge of how to break the link with its host.
Rob: Throw money at it, if it's from the Re'Sen'Shon family.
Brad: Alas, the Elf has never seen the Shaman in his four years on the island. Shamans lead solitary lives, away from other natives, practising their elemental craft.
Brag: How do you know he exists...?
Brad: You thank the Elf for his information and walk back to the others, raising your arms to silence them. You explain about the Br'an-re'sen'shon and tell them that you are going to find the Shaman alone; it would be impossible to track him down in a group.
Dwarf: And by 'impossible', surely you mean 'easier'?
Brag: Louder is almost like impossible.
Brad: You tell them to make their own way to the fort and that you will meet them there to lead the attack in one or two day's time.

Dwarf: That's the kind of military precision we've come to expect from you, sir.
Brag: Fine, 36 hours. Ish.
Brad: They reluctantly agree to the plan and you set of immediately to find the Shaman. You walk down to the river and jump on your raft. Progress against the current is slow as the river, narrows and the water runs faster.
Rob: Continue to journey by raft.
Brag: See, this is actually why I stopped the big group of dwarves coming. I could end up fishing out sixty dead tiny corpses out of a fast-moving river.
Brad: There are several large rocks jutting out of the water which you have to steer around. It is hard work and you grow tired. You decide to pull into the bank for a while to rest. Under the shade of some trees you lie down and fall asleep. When you awake, you see that you are covered with large mosquito bites.
Although the itching is almost unbearable, something worse is happening. You break out in a sweat and then start to shiver. You are in the early stages of malaria.
Rob: Fuck it.
Brad: The malaria grips your body and you become wracked with fever. You lose track of time as you sink into a delirious nightmare.
Rob: Am I just about to watch my character succumb to death slowly? I could just keep eating provisions until I die, but then I die fat.
Brad: When you finally recover from the disease, you have no idea how long you have been ill. You check your backpack and find that all your provisions are gone, perhaps eaten by ants, or maggots. You wash yourself in the river and climb on board your raft to continue your quest.
Rob: I wonder if I'd have been bitten if I walked...
Brad: For no apparent reason, the water becomes very turbulent. A whirlpool forms in front of the raft and you have to cling on to stop yourself from being flung off.
Rob: Wa-he....wait...
Brad: Suddenly, a great wall of water rises out of the whirlpool, forming itself into a vague humanoid shape. You are about to be engulfed by a Water Elemental. The Water Elemental crashes down on top of you, smashing the raft to pieces. Above the roar of the water you can hear the gurgling laughter of the Water Elemental.
Rob: This book really likes you to know you're about to get fucked, doesn't it?
Brad: You gasp for air as you are forced under the pounding water. You summon all your strength and try to swim to the bank. You somehow manage to escape the raging torrent and fall breathless onto the right hand bank. The Water Elemental's fury subsides behind you as you lie exhausted into the mud. Although you were too concerned with swimming for your life to notice, the force of the water ripped your backpack off your back.
Fortunately, your sword remains in its scabbard.

Brag: Ha! Joke's on you! I had fuck all in the way of possess...awww.
Brad: You have no choice but to continue on foot. Looking west, you see the sun slowly sinking until it looks like a big red balloon sitting on the sea. Soon it will be dark and so you decide to camp down for the night between two rocks which you cover over with branches and leaves. You are very hungry after your ordeal in the river and realise that you must eat something soon. Not far away from your shelter, you find a cluster of banana trees.
The fruit is out of reach and you have to climb up to get it. This is getting finger bangier by the minute, isn't it?
Rob: This game might as well be called Island of the FUCK YOU, ROB.
Brad: I love how you've gone from Aragorn to Frank Spencer in a matter of minutes.
You do not see a Tarantula crawling down the trunk of the banana tree in the semi-darkness. Your hand presses down on its plump, hairy body and before you realise what you have done, the spider has bitten you. The shock makes you slip.
Rob: Fuck, and me with no provisions. Why did I even climb that tree anyway?
Brad: You manage to cling onto the tree with one hand and knock the Tarantula off the trunk with your other hand. You continue your climb and cut off a bunch of bananas. Back on the ground you devour them quickly and walk back to your shelter. You crawl into your shelter to settle down for the night, wondering what events the next day will bring. Probably best not to think about it, given the events of the previous day.
Looking up, you see whispy clouds in shapes of pink and purple gradually deepen in colour as the night sky takes over from the day. Despite the deafening noise of thousands of insecs enjoying the cool night air, you are soon fast asleep. While you are asleep, a Vampire Bat flutters down to feast on your blood.
Rob: This Shaman had better fix all my ails. I'll kick his fucking arse if not.
Brad: You do not feel its fangs sink into your ankle and it is only when you awake that you see the punctures in your skin.

Brag: You little fucking wanker! Oh, sorry, mate, didn't realise I accidentally brought a dwarf with me. I didn't mean you. I...why are you crying? Look, I said I didn't mean yo...do you want an ice cream or something?
Brad: You shudder at the sight of the wound and pack your belongings before starting out again. It is a little hot and you are soon concerned that your water bottle is nearly empty. You search for water and eventually find a shallow pool of rain water in a rock basin. You drink your fill and top up your water bottle.
Brag: This can only end well...I'm assuming that Water Elemental got bored and went away...
Brad: You are about to set off again when you notice some chalk marks on the rocks by the pool.
Brag: Front...toward...
Rob: Read them. I need to know how fucked I am.
Brad: The marks are a simple request, written by the Shaman you are seeking. They ask you to find a feather and tie it in your hair, if you wish peaceful contact with him. You wonder how the Shaman knows you are looking for him, and realise it is important to find a feather. You set off immediately to find one. You are walking in a determined way towards the volcano, when a large creature springs out in front of you from behind a large rock.
Its grotesque torso is covered in ugly warts and saliva drools down its long chin.
Rob: And a mass of feathers?
Brad: You have been ambushed by a Hill Troll. The Hill Troll has sex with you up the wrong'un.
You are defeated.
The End.
Rob: Wow. That was...Well, the final battle pretty much reflected the theme of the last hour.
DICKASS DM WILL RETURN ON FRIDAY 26TH AUGUST
Words: Brad Harmer & Robert Wade
You can become Brad's "friend" on Facebook, or you can "follow" him on Twitter. Depends how creepy you want to sound really.
This is intended as a loving tribute to Ian Livingstone, the Fighting Fantasy series, Island of the Lizard King, and all other gamebooks of yesteryear.


WIN! THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: THE COMPLETE SECOND SEASON


The second chapter in the story of two sexy vampire brothers obsessed with the same beautiful girl is out now on Blu-ray™ and DVD. To celebrate, five Emotionally Fourteen readers could be in with the chance of sinking their teeth into a DVD copy of their very own!

In Season 2, Elena (Nina Dobrev), Stefan (Paul Wesley), Damon (Ian Somerhalder) and the other residents of Mystic Falls are joined by a sinister new breed. Released from the tomb, Katherine unleashes her personal brand of evil in a diabolical plot. The Originals – the world’s oldest and most dangerous vampires – hunt for Elena, who discovers she has a terrifying connection to their world. And now vampires aren’t the only monsters in town. On moonlit nights, werewolves roam in search of victims…including vampires, who succumb to a single werewolf bite.

Don’t miss The Vampire Diaries: The Complete Second Season out now on Blu-ray and DVD, and available to download on iTunes.

To be in with the chance of winning The Vampire Diaries: The Complete Second Season, please answer the following question:

What sinister new breed join the residents of Mystic Falls in Season 2?

a. Werewolves
b. Ghosts
c. Witches

For your chance of winning, send your answer, name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Sunday 28th August, making sure to put "Vampire Diaries" as the subject. The first five entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Vampire Diaries" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

©2011 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. All Rights Reserved.