Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of "Housebound"

As a man who likes and has dedicated his life to horror, as I’m sure you have guessed by now, I think it’s safe to say that what I say goes.

Fair enough? Of course it is!

Now, one of the key elements in horror, I think, though not necessarily needing it to be forced into every single horror flick out there, is comedy.

Not too much, but just enough to get the old grins going so to lead you into a false sense of security before the BANG!

Whoa! Scared you, didn’t I?

Look at you, you’re fucking petrified!

Now, dry your eyes and wipe your seat because New Zealand filmmakers have pumped out a number of decent films, and Housebound can definitely be named among the ranks.

This comedy horror follows out leading lady Kylie (wonderfully portrayed by Morgana O’Reilly) who is a ne’er do well substance abuser and petty thief who has just been put under house-arrest in her old family home with her kooky mum and stepdad, leaving her housebound (oh shit, I just got that!) in a house that seems to have some spooky goings on.

The characters in this film are brilliantly written and just come to life on the screen in front of us which is so refreshing in today’s indie-film market, from the Mother who can talk for England (or New Zealand, in this case), to the fumbling Parole officer/amateur paranormal investigator Amos who just seems to steal the show every time he comes on screen with a phenomenal back and forth with Kylie, giving this movie a classic double act.

Now, this film may not be for everyone as this is a Black Comedy and the humour is very dry in places which I’m sure may well just fly over a lot of people’s heads.

For me, though, this was probably the best film I watched all summer as I sat downstairs in the dark with my cat Junior and was absolutely howling with laughter almost throughout.

Also, it’s worth noting that not only is this film very funny, but it is actually very well written and is a toast to independent storytelling.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: This is definitely a film to watch with friends, but is also one that can be enjoyed alone with some snacks and the lights turned down low. – 8/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!





Friday, 15 September 2017

E14 Toybox #52 - HyperSonic Greed (Marvel Avengers/Defenders War Heroclix Booster Unboxing)

Rob is back in the unboxing groove, and tackling two boosters from the Marvel Heroclix "Avengers Defenders War" set from Wizkids! In addition, there are two gravity feed boosters from "The Dark Knight Rises" and "Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice"!

E14 Toybox theme provided by Deon Van Heerden! Find out more about his music at DeonVanHeerden.com!



The E14 Toybox is a video show hosted by Rob Wade, dedicated to the pursuit and unveiling of Wizkids Heroclix figures. Whether Marvel or DC, booster or gravity feed, alone or with a buddy, Rob takes the unknown and reveals the mystery within for your enjoyment!




Thursday, 14 September 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of "Darling"

Arthouse films are definitely a niche market, I think it’s fair to say, and that bottleneck only seems to become slimmer still when you make a genre film out of it too.

When I saw, then, that there was a black and white arthouse horror movie on the market, I couldn’t help but point my throbbing curiosity wand in its general direction and blast glamorous glitter at it from afar.

What does that mean, you ask?

I’ve no idea, yet here we are and I’ve started now and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Darling is an independent 80-minute flick (so not so tedious to get through as The Neon Demon which may as well have been an episode of Sex in the City with pretentious camera angles and snazzy lighting) where we meet a young lady who is housesitting a fancy-ass gaff out in Manhattan where she slowly (albeit rather quickly) descends into madness.

Now, going in, I pretty much had a rough idea of what I was getting myself into, seeing as it was written and directed by Mickey Keating, who was responsible for the fuck-awful Sci-Fi Horror Movie Pod, and didn’t set my standards or expectations too high.

So, all that being said, I was actually really impressed with this feature. I don’t know if it was because I lowered my expectations, but this was genuinely a decent film.

The acting from our classically beautiful leading lady (Lauren Ashley Carter) gave the film the underlying intensity that it deserved, and the Hitchcockian-style direction and cinematography was bang on the money without getting too artsy-fartsy and actually nailed the atmospheric undertones that it had originally pursued.

Now, this isn’t a movie without its flaws, of course it isn’t. It commits the crime of going too deep into dialog as though the characters know there’s an audience that need to be filled in, which personally I think is a crime worth punishable by firing squad, and it also seems to jump forward quite a lot in the story with no indication of time-frame, so what seems like a day or two might actually be a few months!

Who knows?!

It also does scenes in chapters, which I feel is a little overused in art films, but when it’s done right (like in this film and Lars Von Trier’s masterpiece Anti-Christ), it can actually tie the story up quite nicely, so hats off for that one!

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: All in all, this wasn’t a bad movie and is definitely a popcorn flick with cracking editing and a genuine sense of foreboding throughout. – 6.5/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!





Tuesday, 12 September 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of "Little Evil"

There are very few films that deliver more than what is written on the tin, and believe you me when I say that the Netflix Original Little Evil... isn’t one of those films.

Little Evil is the comedy-horror flick that pays homage to many of our old favourites whilst playing to their more selective audience: parents, or more to the point, step parents. And, if you’re a horror-loving parent, then this may be a film for you and/or perhaps the other half to sit down and chuckle to when the little one is tucked up in bed.

Little Evil is the fun time movie about 30-something Gary, who recently got married to a single parent, and is now moving in with her and her son Lucas. Gary, after many attempts to try and bond with the little bastard, slowly begins to believe that the kid is the Antichrist.

Now, as someone who owns a cat, I know all the worries and strains and trials and tribulations that come with parenthood (shots fired, come at me, etc. etc.), so this film definitely tickled me on a personal level (there’s no stopping me! Wotchya gonna do baaht it?), and as someone who has a stepdad, I could appreciate both sides of the coin!

Now, there’s nothing particularly special about this film, but at the same time it doesn’t really try to be anything more than an over-the- top, swearword-a-minute, camp comedy-horror that it is.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite make it to that point either, which is a shame, because this film really tries to balance itself on two legs. Sadly, it has the crying misfortune of having especially weak knees, which don’t quite cut the mustard, so with that all being said, it pretty much topples over.

However, in an almost heroic state, it quite rightly laughs at itself instead of crying when it finally falls and hits the tarmac, dusting itself off all the while. That’s right - I’m metaphorious as fuck!

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: A ruddy good attempt of a film, but didn’t quite chalk up – 5/10.


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!





Friday, 8 September 2017

E14 Toybox #51 - Gravity Greed! Heroclix Wonder Woman/Batman vs Superman/The Dark Knight Rises Gravity Feed Unboxing

Rob is back on the all-new, all-Heroclix E14 Toybox! Today's video sees Rob tackling three Gravity Feed boosters from three different sets, all featuring DC Comics' Trinity of characters: Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman!

Rob opens:

  • 3 x Wonder Woman Gravity Feed
  • 3 x Batman vs Superman Dawn of Justice Gravity Feeds
  • 3 x The Dark Knight Rises Gravity Feeds

It's a DC-heavy episode, but there are a lot of Marvel ones coming soon if that's more your bag!

What do you think of the new theme music? Pretty awesome, right?! How about the camera stuff? Let us know in the comments below!

E14 Toybox theme provided by Deon Van Heerden! Find out more about his music at DeonVanHeerden.com!



The E14 Toybox is a video show hosted by Rob Wade, dedicated to the pursuit and unveiling of Wizkids Heroclix figures. Whether Marvel or DC, booster or gravity feed, alone or with a buddy, Rob takes the unknown and reveals the mystery within for your enjoyment!




Thursday, 7 September 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of "Green Room"

What are the three key ingredients for a good thriller? Some might say good writing, suspense, and a strong cast.

Others might say direction, gripping story and nuance.

Some could even argue that you need atmosphere, a good man in the director’s chair, and ambiguity in the plot.

There might even be those who want a mixture of the lot!

These are all perfectly good answers. This stuff is subjective, after all.

I however, say Nazis, Punk Bands, and Patrick Stewart!

Green Room is the rollercoaster bad-boy about a punk band on a low-budget tour who suddenly get offered a last-minute gig at a white supremacist bar out in the sticks. They agree to play, due to a good pay promise, and head on down!

However, when they enter the green room (roll credits!), they stumble upon something which they weren’t meant to see, which leads to very deadly consequences.

As a musician who’s played the rough pub circuit, this film really touched my heart, and it's executed beautifully, which I’m sure any struggling, live-playing musician can agree with! Many props for that!

For the casual movie-lovers out there, this is a gritty thriller/horror with very visceral overtones of suspense throughout, which can really get under the skin!

Can Patrick Stewart do an American accent? Not particularly, no, but when he plays a bad guy, he plays it well!

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: Extremely life-like gore, very three-dimensional characters and a story that encourages you to pick yourself back up after every punch and gets you ready for the next one! – 8/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!






Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Cloud Zombie's Land of Post-Apocalypse and Dystopia

Welcome to Cloud Zombie’s Land of Post Apocalypse and Dystopia!

This little segment is not really for reviews but instead it has me talking about some of my favourite dystopia/post-apocalyptic fiction throughout films, TV and books. They're not always necessarily good or bad, some of them are bloody atrocious but sometimes that can make it more fun!

You get to choose if you want to give them a try if you haven’t already seen them.

Film: Dawn of The Dead (1978)

Following a growing epidemic of zombies that have risen from the dead, two Philadelphia S.W.A.T. team members, a traffic reporter and his television executive girlfriend seek refuge in a secluded shopping mall. - Plot summary courtesy of IMDB

As a little tribute to George A Romero I would like to include one of the ‘Dead Trilogy’. I have been a very big fan of his for a long while. Romero's works are the reason I enjoy all things Zombie and Post-Apocalyptic. I was also fortunate enough to meet him a few years ago at London Film and Comic-con, where he signed my Dead Trilogy while looking like a wise old owl. I swear his glasses frames got bigger with each year he aged.

I have picked the original Dawn of The Dead because it is my favourite one of the three and I have always loved the setup of it. The characters are just as scared as we are and they live from one moment to the next. If we were suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse I have a feeling that we wouldn’t do half as well as they did with surviving, as it's my belief that a decent chunk of the world is too selfish to care about their fellow human.

The whole surviving the zombie apocalypse in a huge shopping centre/Mall really rocks my inner Prepper (Definition here). A mall wouldn’t probably be the best place to use in this kind of situation because there are just too many entry points to secure. Though the success overall depends on your group size and dynamic, weaponry resources and the layout, you just wouldn’t have the man power to keep the mall safe.

TV Series: The Tribe

A group of young adults struggle to survive in a world where all the adults have been killed by a mysterious virus. - Plot summary courtesy of IMDB

The Tribe is a TV series that I grew up watching in my early teens. It fascinated me as a kid because it was about a world where all adults are dead from a man-made disease and everyone from children to teens were left alone to fend for themselves. I tend to gravitate to this kind of thing in films, TV and books because it’s such a great subject and you never know if it’s going to turn into a Lord of The Flies style situation. The material is fun despite the child/teen actors, so if you can get past that and just enjoy the subject matter for what it is then you should be fine.

The costumes are great as well.

The kids begin to form tribes for safety since there are many young children that have been alone since their parents died an unknown amount of time ago. Some of the tribes just want to get on and try to salvage what is left of their lives while others want power over everyone. The series follows a tribe called the ‘Mallrats’ (No not the 1995 film by Kevin Smith).

As well as being entertainment aimed at older kids (much like Emotionally14, it also deals with different subjects that kids working their way to teens have to deal with. Sometimes the subject matter is a little more to the point and sometimes it deals with things that are not always taught or talked about in schools.

This could be down to religious considerations or any other number of factors. To list a few of the subjects: Teenage pregnancy, sex, addictions, sickness, bullying, disabilities, politics and many other subjects. The Tribe was more like a soap drama for kids than just a normal kids adventure.

Book: Bluescreen By Dan Wells

Los Angeles in 2050 is a city of open doors, as long as you have the right connections. One of those connections is a djinni — a smart device implanted right in a person’s head. In a world where virtually everyone is online twenty-four hours a day, this connection is like oxygen — and a world like that presents plenty of opportunities for someone who knows how to manipulate it. Plot summary courtesy of Goodreads

Bluescreen is a Cyberpunk Dystopian novel by Dan wells and a first in the ‘Mirador series’. It’s fast-paced, mysterious and very futuristic. The world of Mirador is high in technology but the divide between the rich and the critical poor is too wide due to new technology taking over peoples jobs. Gangs roam and fight in the streets, the drug trade is ripe as the fights get worse between the gangs and the high powers of the city.

Dystopian Cyberpunk is always a fun genre to watch or read and I thought Bluescreen was different enough to be exciting. The main character Marisa Carneseca, a second-generation Mexican, lives with her family and spends most of her time on the net where she enjoys her virtual life more than her normal one, and she also has a bionic arm. I have the audiobook of this one and finished it last year, I recommend the audiobook because you get a better feel for the characters.

This book makes me think of Blade Runner, The Matrix and Tron the most. I’m looking forward to reading the next in the series as I am currently partaking in the 2017 Dystopia Reading Challenge by Cornerfolds.com. I have read 25 books so far in this challenge at date of writing and plan to read many more before the end of the year.

As always, thanks for reading!


Kat (aka Cloud Zombie) is a daydreaming enthusiast and self-professed Minecraft/Sims junkie from Kent, England.

She blogs about her passions over at cloudzombie, covering everything from video games, movies and TV all the way to baking.




Tuesday, 5 September 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of "Death Note"

As a huge fan of the original Manga series, I was very intrigued by the concept of a western adaptation. Little did I know at the time though, that it was going to be a feature film, and not a series. This then made me wonder, “Hmm, I’m not quite sure how they’re going to pull this one off!”

With that in mind, I thought I’d just go right on ahead and jump in with both feet without testing the proverbial waters. So, here goes!

Now, if you’re unfamiliar with the original series (based on the Manga novel of the same name), here's an outline. Death Note follows the teen life of our anti-hero, named Light, who comes across a book called the Death Note.

The book is bestowed upon him by the death god Ryuk, who explains to Light that if he pictures a person’s face whilst writing their name in the book, along with a cause of death, it will then happen 40 seconds later exactly as it is written.

Pretty cool, right?

So this story is pretty much as Japanese as it gets, drawing from tales of folklore and cultures dating way back to ancient times. So, how do the Americans pull this off? I’m glad you asked!

I saw a lot of reviews before and after viewing this film, and almost all of them were people saying “Ignore this and just stick with the original”. That's fine if you’re a purist I guess, and there is nothing wrong with that, but as a massive fan of the original myself, I implore you to ignore them instead.

No, it is not the original. No, they cannot fit a story that was divided over the best part of 40 episodes, and no, it’s nowhere near as complex and in depth as the original Manga/series. But you know what? It doesn’t have to be!

If you’re a fan of the original, then go in knowing that it’s not trying to be the original directly. It merely takes the original’s premise and beloved characters, and sticks them into a 100-minute movie of its own. If you haven’t seen the original, I highly recommend watching this first as a stepping-off point for two reasons: Firstly, you know what you’re getting yourself into if you’re sceptical about the premise of the original series. Secondly this film, though following the same sort of story and characters, has its own separate conclusions and so has no spoilers for the original series!

Personally, I think that this is either a deliberate move on the creator’s part to start a film series of his own, but as a passion project, I am left to assume that this was an artistic manoeuvre to introduce a new audience to a cult series which deserves a much bigger audience than it already has.

I really enjoyed this film and I think it’s a shame it got such a bad rap from the purists (or...dare I say...elitists? Some of them, maybe) who are hating on it for the sake of it. Was it without its flaws? Of course not! For instance, I felt that the western adaptation of the much beloved fan-favourite character L was executed quite poorly (and no, not because he’s black, before you start). Getting someone with zero likeness to him to try and act identically just leaves us with an awkward young man who comes across as trying too hard to be quirky. By contrast, the original L was just quirky by nature, which makes this newer version of him just seem pretentious and unlikable. That's a shame.

Willem Dafoe, however, absolutely nails it as Ryuk, a character who also echoes the original (especially visually) fantastically!

I can only recommend this film to the degree that it deserves, and that’s a bloody high one! Whether you’re a fan of the original or not, this is a standout film for me this year, which also comes with a powerful message about the dangers of playing Judge, Jury and Executioner. I mean, unless you’re rightly beloved E14 favourite, Mr Judge Dredd, then you just crack on, sir. We at E14 salute you!

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: All in all, an absolute banger from me! – 7.5/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!





Thursday, 31 August 2017

Aaron's Classic Corner - August 2017

Howdy, y’all! That’s right, it’s been a month already and my oh my, look at all that’s happened! Loads! Just look at your month over your shoulder and think about all the stuff that’s happened around you! Mad innit?

Been a proper mental one has this August. So, without further Jews, allow me to tell you a little more about what it is I dig, starting with a Movie, then an Album, and then a Video Game! Because here at E14, that’s what we’re all about! That and sweet, sweet titties! So let’s bust this nut wide open and dig into the gooey, creamy centre with ravenous ferocity!

THE MOVIE - SUSPIRIA

There’s not a lot that you can’t really love about this film. I mean, I'll shit in my beard if I can name one! This is another one of those movies which just seems to have it all!

A young ballerina is chucked into a Dance Academy (leotards and that) where there is more going on that meets the eye!

Now, I can’t say I’ve met many die-hard Horror fans who would disagree with me when I say Dario Argento is a fucking genius (unless you take this as an opportunity to be a fucking hipster and a twat, then fire away and more power to you), but for me, this is his pinnacle masterpiece!

It has everything: solid performances, an incredible soundtrack from the notorious Goblin, fantastic, vibrant shots, and a sense of unease that lasts throughout the entire movie until the credits finally roll. An absolute beast of a film that paved the way for modern Arthouse films and an inspiration and stepping off point for the Dogme 95 movement almost a whole two decades ahead of time. Pure genius.

THE ALBUM - DEAD HEART IN A DEAD WORLD by NEVERMORE

I fucking love this album. It’s heavy, it’s melodic, it’s deep, it has a pinch of cheese for those of us who like to pump our fists, it has orchestral parts, the song structures aren’t boring (A,B,A,B,C,B,B and the like), and on top of all of this it has awesome lyrics and solos to match!

And even with all of its technicality, it still knows when to be laid back and not show off.

Plus, it has an awesome Simon & Garfunkel cover on it, years before those cancerous fuckheads in Disturbed decided to bastardise it.

So, yeah, this – for me, is definitely a desert Island disc, and my standout tracks have to be We Disintegrate, the fucking ground-shaking anthem The Heart Collector, and Evolution 169.

THE GAME - COMMANDOS

Man, I can’t even begin to tell you how many hours I spent in front of my computer playing this game. I think a good portion of my childhood was probably spent yelling “what’ll it be?!” when answering the phone.

Now, there are a million stealth games on the market now, but before AI really took off, we had Commandos. A point and click bird’s eye-view WWII strategy game, Commandos followed a small team of...well, Commandos, each with a special skill set. They would be set certain objectives and then given an escape point. Sounds simple, but it really wasn’t.

This game was revolutionary for its time and was a marvel to behold. You had to follow each of the sentry’s habits, watch out for spotlight, dogs, land mines, barbed wire, reinforcements, guard towers, alarms and fuck knows what else.

It was hard, but it was super fun, and I for one absolutely loved it.

So, that’s it from me this month from my Classic Corner, and feel free to tune in next month where we’ll be revealing more of my loves in life! Should be fun and I look forward to it!


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!







Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Toybox Channel Update! August 2017

Rob is back after a short break, giving an update on the E14 Toybox. In short, it's good news for Heroclix viewers, and not so good for Zbox viewers. Catch the full detail in the video, and let us know in the comments below how you feel about this!


Tuesday, 29 August 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of Speedrunners

Now, there aren’t really any spoilers in this game as it doesn’t really have a story as such, but my oh my what a great bit of fun we have here!

The whole idea behind SpeedRunners is to run countless laps around an array or quirky maps until all other runners are eliminated. That’s it!

However, the variety of ways in which you can beat your opponents is so much fun! There are grappling hooks, missiles, crates (Mario Kart stylez!), ice beams, force push and more! And how do you eliminate your foes?

Knock them off the screen! A screen which, after a while, begins to shrink smaller, and smaller and smaller!

There is a great unlocking system in this game too where you can gain XP to nab yourself some new maps, character skins and even game modes! Plus, if you don’t have any friends to play with (which is where the real fun comes in), you can play against bots!

"Not quite the same" I hear you say. Well, get a load of this! You can change their difficulty and before you know it, it’s like you’re playing against real people with a pretty impressive AI system and a roulette game mode that can mirror the map, make all pickups rockets, and all sorts!

So there is more than enough to keep every game unique and interesting, and the chances of you having the same round twice, is zero! It’s such fun!

Is the game without its bugs? Nah mate, not on your Nelly! However, it is a pretty simple game with an even more simple premise, so there’s not really much else I can write about it, and I have a word quota that I feel I should fill. So…

How are you? You good? Wicked. So how about them Nicks, huh? Yeah. Brad’s got a book out. You heard about this? Yeah. Nazis and stuff. He can’t get enough of ‘em. Or sharks. He’s marine-life-mad, that boy is. Probably switches between the Discovery and History channels day in, day out. Makes sense, I guess.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: So, yeah, a great game, but better played with friends, either online or locally – 7/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!






Friday, 25 August 2017

The Crazy Train Podcast - Episode 54: The Church of Naked Mideon!

Rob is joined by Blake and Omer, and after some initial silliness, we dive right into some lovely iTunes reviews from Jack and the Geekstalk and The Lost Art of Podcasting/Wrestling. We spin off from there into talk about wrestling (a subject Omer knows a fair bit about). We get a question from one of our absent co-hosts about wrestling entrance music (as if we planned the transition) via discussions about music shop funsies. Next, from the list of absent co-hosts, comes a question about food from a fictitious universe. We cover the important questions on The Crazy Train...

Rob is on Twitter @RobWadeVision, Omer is at @TheIronTurkOmer and you can find Blake @fucksakeblake!

Intro music: "Outlaw", by Deon Van Heerden. Find out more about Deon's music at Deonvanheerden.com!

We are now part of the Brit Pod Scene podcast collective, a group of British podcasts working together to help each other improve and grow. Check it out on Twitter by searching #BritPodScene!


About The Crazy Train

Welcome aboard The Crazy Train - Emotionally14's flagship podcast dedicated to one theme: there are no rails. Ever. Encompassing a wide range of subjects, from movies to TV to gaming, we'll give you a piece of our minds even if there's nothing in them, and you'll bloody love it. Where will the Crazy Train go?

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Youtube




Thursday, 24 August 2017

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review of Slime Rancher!

I had heard a lot about this game back when it was in its preview development stages, and to be honest, I looked at it and then thought “you know what? I’m good” and walked away.

However, when it became free during Xbox Live™ Games With Gold™ I couldn’t help but say “oh go on then, you sly old Devil”, and now I feel I can say that I’m big enough to admit when I’m being a dozy twat. I love this game, and I really wish I had put a little more money in the developers’ pockets when it was a pay-to-play game.

The premise behind Slime Rancher isn’t particularly complicated, but that’s what makes it so damned fun!

Slimes, as they are known, are little round balls of some sort of weird gelatinous liquid which is borderline solid (I can’t remember the word for what you would call that, but that’s neither here nor there at this point) that bounce around the land!

It is then your job to suck them up with your hover gun, and bring them back to your ranch to then farm, encage, feed and exploit in a family-fun way that only concentration camps can provide! You then feed them their favourite foods, sell their poo and carry on!

Now, once the ball gets rolling, the game can get somewhat repetitive and you’re left wondering “hold on a bloody minute, is this it?” and leaves you in somewhat of a bubble where novelty dries up rather quickly and… Slime! That’s the word I was trying to think of! Anyway, it leaves you wondering whether or not the novelty has worn off and that there isn’t really much more to do.

However, you suddenly find yourself unlocking new areas, upgrades, jobs, chores and expansions that just keep the ball of fun rolling until it gets bigger and bigger until it finally crashes into a city killing thousands! All the while, you’re laughing like a maniac and saying “yeah, but how cute though!”. Now, bear in mind that all of this inevitably leads you to doing a lot more of the same, but what game doesn’t?

At least with this one, you get to farm different types of adorable slimes (each of which have their own personality traits), fight off baddie slimes, farm vegetables and livestock, go treasure hunting, and even have the enjoyment of a pen-pal type storyline which only warms the heart.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: This is definitely a game that is great fun for all ages, and with its offline game mode, you can get back to a great console game that has hours of enjoyability with nothing to worry about but the grind! – 7/10


Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!