Monday 4 January 2010

TV can cock off: The Gameshow Question


Well, E14ies, it's a new year. Hopefully your Christmas period was as awesome as mine turned out to be.

However, the return of Emotionally Fourteen for 2010 means business as usual, so I thought I'd tell something new to cock off in the spirit of E14.

On to the cocking off!

This week, our focus is the dross that has become of television nowadays, specifically gameshows.

When I was younger, a large portion of my television habits focused around gameshows, mostly weekend game shows. Now, granted, many of my game shows were aimed at the younger generation, but nevertheless there were some shows of genuine quality in amongst those shows. Such classics as The Crystal Maze and The Krypton Factor rewarded players for feats of physical and mental achievement, including the unforgettable CG plane landing game on the latter. Cheesy though it was, nobody could argue that Richard O'Brien was an awesome host for the former, charismatic and a damned fine harmonica player at that.

However, for every Knightmare that demonstrated the fun that could be had from a simple premise, there was a Cyberzone, a show that ultimately didn't even provide a genuinely enjoyable experience. Nowadays, it seems like shows like that are commonplace as opposed to being the minority, and the license-paying public should feel aggrieved as a result.

Now, we all remember my searing insight into popular television culture back before Christmas, but recent events have led me to believe that this show may be part of something bigger still, a culture of mediocrity that seems to be creeping into the country and making us feel that it's alright to be second-rate.

It all started, in my opinion, with Deal or No Deal and that plucky young rapscallion, Noel Edmonds.
Here was a show that rewarded contestants for simply choosing numbers at random, and all the while putting them under the illusion that they are being skillful throughout, with phrases like "you've played the game really well". Maybe, Noel, that's because THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO PLAY IT EXCEPT WELL! I mean, my God, it's like calling the National Lottery a game of skill!

From there, though, it's become worse and worse. Recently I saw a show called Hole in the Wall, which is a show where teams of contestants try and make their way through...brace yourselves...moving walls with cut-outs of people posing in certain ways. The idea is that people have to think quickly to make those poses in order to pass through the wall and not get into the water tank at the end. I think more important is the idea that people watching the show think quickly and then turn it the fuck over.

Whatever will they turn it over to, though? The choice is obvious, isn't it? Heads or Tails with Justin-Lee Collins, right?...Right?

WRONG.

If ever there was a show that epitomises the mediocrity of the culture that we have become as a country, it's this atrocity. I'm not familiar with the work of Justin-Lee Collins, I hear he's very funny. Having said that, I was told the same thing about The Mighty Boosh, and years later have yet to find that show funny ONCE. Heads or Tails is a show where Justin-Lee Collins helps contestants win a life-changing sum of money. How, you ask? Does he play a karaoke game with them in order to help them remember the lyrics to famous songs, a la Shane Ritchie in Don't Forget The Lyrics? Incidentally, there's a show that doesn't seem so bad in comparison now, eh?

No, what he does is simple. He flips a coin, and the contestant has to guess whether or not it's heads or tails.


That's it. Television gameshows have degenerated to making people feel skilful for doing fuck all. What's next? Conkers Extreme with Dermot O'Leary? Celebrity Bogey-Eating with Michael Winner? Or will Richard O'Brien be convinced to don his trenchcoat and harmonica once more, albeit this time for Don't Forget to Breathe?

Cock off, Gameshows. Cock off.

2 comments:

  1. Gamesshows are getting to the point where even Alan Partridge's suggestions are getting considered...

    Monkey Tennis anyone?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Switch off your television set, go out and do something less boring instead.

    ReplyDelete