Friday, 11 November 2016

The Crazy Train Podcast! Episode 43 - "You Think He Can Win?!"

On this episode of The Crazy Train podcast, host Rob Wade is joined by Blake Harmer, Brad Harmer-Barnes and long-time absentee Ömer Ibrahim! He's been away adjusting to his newly acquired fatherhood, so we talk about that for a bit. Naturally, as is customary on the show, we steer in a completely different direction and end up talking about Sam Neill movies.

This show is also unique in that it was recorded the week before the US Presidential Election, and so makes reference to what *might* happen.

As is often the case on this show, listener discretion is advised, as we end on a story that could sound a bit dodgy if taken out of context. Also we curse up a storm #PrettyMuchStandard.

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Thursday, 10 November 2016

AJ Waters' Spoiler-Free Review - Battlefield 1!

Ah, Battlefield. This franchise has long been one of those that people either love to the point of daily online play and tea-bagging, or one of those that people think is a part of the Call of Duty series and then say “Well what’s the difference?” when told otherwise. Now, we all saw the trailer when this came out, didn’t we? I certainly did, and I’d be lying if I said the prospect of a World War I game didn’t excite me a little.

I mean, once a month we get a war-based first-person shooter thrown at us which looks and feels just like the last fucking one, but a WWI game? Me dunna fink so, m8!

Now I’m no historian, believe me, and the closest thing we have to one here at E14 is Brad, and he’s off with the sniffles, so you’ll just have to take my word for it when I speculate on this stuff and just take it as canon out of respect to me. We good? Excellent! Now let us begin!

Right, well I’m no stranger to the Battlefield games and I have to say that I’m somewhat of a fan. However, it has not been until now that I have said “I love the new Battlefield game”. And that’s no understatement! I absolutely adore this game!

The campaign was truly remarkable as far as both story and gameplay are concerned, and the graphics are (bar none) the best I have seen to date. There are five campaign stories where you play as five different countries: British, American, Italian, Australian, and Turkish. Each one is just as brilliant as the last and I have to say, bloody emotional. You get invested in each and every character (all of whom are three-dimensional) and each of their stories touch your heart. The maps truly are a spectacle and the amount of detail is…well, you’ll have to see it to believe me because I can’t put it into words.

Multiplayer? Pah! Fuggeddabowdit! Truly phenomenal! There’s one mode called Operations and it’s a team vs team based play mode that cane take up to an hour to complete, and it’s for 64 players! That’s right! All-out carnage! And you think that’s just a load of blokes running around on foot shooting at each other? No, mate, think again. That also includes, fighter planes, bombers, artillery, tanks, horses, landships, field cannons, and infantry! Then throw in some mounted machineguns, bayonet charges and gas attacks and you’ll get just a fraction of the mayhem that ensues! I shit you not, sir!

This truly is a remarkable (and I must say, impressive) game that keeps the heart pounding. Your eyes will dart across the screen constantly to try and keep up with what is going on. The weapons are all true to history, as are the conflicts and geography. Another thing worth mentioning, is the score (that’s the game music, not how many points I got), that really gets the blood pumping.

My only real complaints about this game is that I wish there were just a couple more campaign stories, as there are only an average of 3 missions per story (there were five in all, remember), so I felt a little…not underwhelmed, that would be a very wrong word to use, just…I dunno, like I’d had my starter and my main, but where’s my dessert, fool? Also, as this was an EA game, I was expecting some of their old tricks to pop up, yet whenever the going got tough and I tried to call in my Titan, it just wasn’t having any of it; which was a real shame.

Now, if I can be serious for a minute (I know, this is a side you don’t normally see from me), I feel this needs to be said. This game was made to be as accurate as possible, and though we can never, ever, ever have a single clue of what it was like to be in that conflict, this game truly forces you to respect it more.

When you have to charge over the walls, bayonets rushing in, bullets flying over your head, taking cover from gunfire, hearing the screams around you and you crawl through the mud with explosions penetrating your ear drums, I mean, yeah, it’s great fun, but then you remember “Shit, people actually did this” and you will feel your heart stop for a second.

When I was playing this, I’m not ashamed to say that I felt I had a constant lump in my throat and I even welled up a few times. As much of a good time this game is, it’s a real lesson in both history and humanity. The sheer bravery of those men, as well as the families who worried for them every day at home, is just beyond comprehension, and I salute EA and DICE for making this memorable tribute to those men, and not just from one side of the conflict. As it mentions in the game: “Behind every gun was a human life”. Top respect to the developers, seriously.

So yeah, if you like FPS games but also like your history, then you get a pretty nifty treat. If you’re in it strictly for the campaign (I know not all of you like PVP and that’s fair enough), then you might wanna wait for the price to drop a bit before shedding out on a few hours of gameplay. However, if you’re an online gamer (like myself), then, mate, you cannot go wrong with this (dare I say it? Fuck it, I’m gonna say it) absolute masterpiece! If this doesn’t get game of the year, Ill eat a bowl of Brussel sprouts (and I fucking hate sprouts!).

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Verdict - 9.5/10 – Lest we forget.


AJ Waters is a pulp fiction writer from Kent in England, who specialises in horror and flash fiction. With a novella in the works, AJ Waters is an up & comer in the British pulp scene.

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Wednesday, 9 November 2016

Where No Fan Has Gone Before...#3

All my life, I've been a Star Wars fan. I've never gotten into Star Trek. As I approached my mid-thirties, I realised that I should probably actually have a proper go of this Trek thing. So, here is my ongoing mission: to view, consume and report back on Star Trek...the whole shebang.

I mean, how long can that take, right?

The Enemy Within

On Stardate 1138, the Enterprise is on a geological exploration of the planet Alpha 177. Five episodes in, and I'm really not certain what a Federation Starship is supposed to do. To be honest with you, I'm not certain that the writers are all that certain. Between ferrying God-like teenagers, prancing around with rapiers and killing salt vampires I can only assume that the Prime Directive is "Dicking around across space, because fuck it by this point.".

Geological Technician Redshirt #13 is injured after a fall and transported aboard the Enterprise, although Scotty has some trouble with the transporter. Maybe he spilled porridge down the grill or something. Is that racist? Do they have porridge in space?

The transporter equipment appears to be fine, but he notices some magnetic dust from ore samples covering Fisher's uniform that may have interfered with the transport process, and the uniform is decontaminated.

Later, Captain Kirk transports back to the ship. The transporter apparently works correctly, but Kirk experiences some disorientation (embodied by staggering and hands-on-forehead acting), and Scott escorts him out of the transporter room. They are unaware that the transporter activates a second time, materialising a second version of Kirk which behaves more maliciously than his counterpart. This "evil" Kirk begins to wander the ship, and those he encounters are confused by his behaviour but assume he is the real captain. Presumably it's not all that uncommon to see your Captain overacting up and down the corridors.

Scott assists in beaming a dog-like animal specimen from the planet...

...And we need to spend a minute or so on the "dog-like animal". It is literally and obviously a dog with prosthetic horn on its head. It doesn't look like an alien. It doesn't look like a dog-like animal. For context, this is an alien:

...this is a dog-like animal...

...and this is what Trek gives us:

...it's...it's beyond shit. I don't care it was fifty odd years ago, it looks turd. It would have looked turd back then as well.

So, Scotty assists in beaming a dog-like animal specimen from the planet but he and the others are surprised when two identical creatures materialise - one completely docile and the other incredibly vicious. Scotty surmises that the ore dust has caused the transport to split the personalities of those they beamed up, creating a good and evil counterpair. Scott reports this to Mr Spock and then orders the transporters taken out of service to investigate, stranding the landing party on the planet as the bitterly cold night sets in.

Elsewhere on the ship, the "good" Kirk begins to feel uncertain, and is unable to make decisions that could affect the safety of the ship and crew. Meanwhile, the "evil" Kirk, in a drunken state, attempts to bang Yeoman Janice Rand in her quarters...

Ridiculous dog costume aside, this is actually a pretty good episode, and shows that when Shatner wanted to try hard, rather than just do the running gag of "being William Shatner" he was actually a pretty good actor. Aside from some pacing problems that make it drag a little around the forty minute mark, I really rather enjoyed this one. Good concept, good acting...shame about the dog.

The Enemy Within - Grade B+

Mudd's Women

On stardate 1234.5, the Enterprise is in pursuit of a J-class cargo spaceship. The ship overloads its engines in an escape attempt through an asteroid field. Kirk orders the Enterprise's shields extended around the other spacecraft to protect it until the cargo ship's occupants can be transported aboard the Enterprise. This is rather nice of him, and as no good deed goes unpunished, this action destroys all but one of the lithium crystal circuits in the Enterprise's spacebullshit engines.

The Enterprise beams the cargo ship's passengers (three probably hot for the Sixties women, but fashion and changing tastes have not been kind to them) and its captain aboard, just as an asteroid impact destroys their spaceship. A bit convenient, but that happens around Kirk and company a lot more often than you'd think.

In the transporter room, the man introduces himself as Leo Francis Walsh. Like previous cocky and annoying characters on Star Trek, he has a grating Irish accent. I assume it was an executive decision to have all supporting annoyances have the same accent.

The three women who accompany him are stunningly beautiful if you're into that sort of thing, and they distract many of the male crew members of the Enterprise, including ship's surgeon Dr. McCoy and Chief Engineer Scott. To be honest, six episodes in and I've already learnt not to expect so much as a modicum of professionalism from the crew of the Enterprise. They are easily influenced and bamboozled at every turn. The women are supposedly to be destined to be wives for settlers on the planet Ophiuchus III and are introduced as Ruth Bonaventure, Eve McHuron, and Magda Kovacs. This is the future, but the sex trade apparently still flourishes.

Kirk has Walsh taken into custody and convenes a ship's hearing. With Walsh in the spotlight of a truth verifier scan, he is forced to reveal his true name, Harcourt Fenton Mudd, a criminal wanted in several star systems, with a long rap sheet of crimes...

Reading that back, and I sound much more down on this episode than I actually ended up feeling. Maybe I need to just stop being so wound up by the contrivances that force the Enterprise into an adventure, and just start enjoying it for what it is. Once this story actually started to get underway, it was a very enjoyable, intriguing, character-driven episode, which is exactly what I like. Mudd's a...if not likable...then certainly an engaging character. One of the best episodes of the series so far.

Mudd's Women - Grade A

Want to share thoughts on these episodes? Tell me what to look forward to? Want me to cover some of the books, audiodramas, comics or anything? Hit me up on Twitter @realbradhb, and I promise to get back to you.

Brad Harmer-Barnes is a contributor to various gaming publications, as well the editor of Suppressing Fire. He can be followed on Instagram and Twitter @realbradhb