Wednesday, 15 September 2010

First-Draft Screenplays #1: Star Wars

INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- CORRIDOR

The evil Darth Vader stands amid the broken and twisted bodies of his foes. He grabs a wounded Rebel Officer by the neck as an Imperial Officer rushes up to the Dark Lord.

IMPERIAL OFFICER: The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.

Vader squeezes the neck of the Rebel Officer, who struggles in vain.

VADER: Where are those transmissions you intercepted?

Vader lifts the Rebel off his feet by his throat.

VADER: What have you done with those plans?
REBEL OFFICER: We intercepted no transmissions. Aaah....This is a consular ship. We’re on a diplomatic mission.
VADER: If this is a consular ship...where is the Ambassador?
REBEL OFFICER: Yes.
VADER: What?
REBEL OFFICER: Where is the Ambassador.
VADER: I’m asking the questions here, Rebel Scum. Where is the ambassador on this ship?
REBEL OFFICER: Yes.
VADER: Where?
REBEL OFFICER: Yes!
VADER: Who is the ambassador?
REBEL OFFICER: No, who is the ship’s cook.
VADER: I don’t care who the ship’s cook is! Who is the ambassador?
REBEL OFFICER: Who is the ship’s cook. Where is the ambassador.
VADER: Are you mocking me?
REBEL OFFICER: No, I’m Jim.
VADER: Then where is the ambassador?
REBEL OFFICER: Yes.
VADER: ...
REBEL OFFICER: ...
VADER: Is...the ambassador with the ship’s cook?
REBEL OFFICER: It’s possible.
VADER: Good...then where is the ship’s cook?
REBEL OFFICER: No. Where is the ambassador.
VADER: I'm asking the questions around here!
REBEL OFFICER: I’m answering them!
VADER: ...
REBEL OFFICER: ...
VADER: Is there an ambassador on this ship?
REBEL OFFICER: Yes.
VADER: Where?
REBEL OFFICER: Yes.
VADER: Where is the ambassador?
REBEL OFFICER: I already told you, yes!
VADER: Then where is the ship’s cook?
REBEL: No! Where is the ambassador!

Vader rest his head in his palm for a moment.

VADER: This is a diplomatic ship.
REBEL OFFICER: Yes.
VADER: And so, you have an ambassador on board.
REBEL OFFICER: We certainly do.
VADER: And his name is...what?
REBEL OFFICER: No, what is the name of the navigator.
VADER: I don’t care about the navigator! I want to know: what is the name of the ambassador?
REBEL OFFICER: What is the name of the navigator!
VADER: I don’t know and I don’t care!

Vader begins to squeeze the officer's throat, creating a gruesome snapping and choking, until the soldier goes limp. Vader tosses the dead soldier against the wall and turns to his troops.

VADER: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans and bring me the Ambassador. I want her alive!
IMPERIAL COMMANDER: Yes, my Lord. Where is the ambassador?
VADER: I think so.

Words: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Brad Harmer & George Lucas

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