Thursday 26 October 2017

Aaron’s spoiler-free review of The Evil Within 2

Okay, you know the jizzed of what happens here – you don’t like spoilers so I don’t post them. However, this is a sequel, so if you’re reading this I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that you completed the first game. If you haven’t, then look away now and do something else. There are plenty of options. Read Brad’s Tempest Outpost (Available now on Kindle!) or fiddle yourself to my Facebook photos.

Hell, do both! I’m not fussed. However, if you have completed the first one, or indeed aren't bothered about spoilers for the first game, then feel free to stay put and instead fiddle yourself over my hot and juicy wordgasms!

Sebastian Castellanos is back, and this time…he got beef! That’s right! It turns out the fire that killed his daughter didn’t actually kill her after all, rendering fire useless once again. Ha! Have that, fire! However, it also means that that two-faced cow double agent Kidman has ya kid, man! Also, she’s only gone and lost her in the new and improved STEM for reasons that will be explained later but not by me!

So, old Sebby-boy has to step up to the plate and get inside to get back his kid he once thought was dead and then probably have the awkward realisation that he kinda got over her and moved on and now their relationship will be nothing but a husk of what once was and now he can’t love that of which he has already forgotten and murders her himself.

Or not? There might still be love there. Let’s move on, shall we?

I’ve got three words for ya, Fido: I. Love. This. Game! “That’s four!” I hear you yell, but I say that ‘I’ is a letter! Like how thumbs ain’t fingers and black ain’t a colour (it’s a shade, ya racist) and Matthew Broderick isn’t an actor! Science, bitches!

I was a massive fan of the first game, which is somewhat controversial these days because people kept saying “but the story was all over the place and didn’t make sense and I’m a twat” and yeah! It weren’t supposed to make sense, you were trapped in the mind of a fucking psycho! And yes! You are a twat! And besides, if you actually take a step back and look at the story as a whole, there is structure there, so shut up! Plus, this much anticipated sequel answers plenty of questions that the thickos didn’t quite get (seriously, it’s not that hard).

Insert giggle here.

Was the first without its flaws? Of course not, it was near perfect for a reason! Now, does this sequel take those flaws from the first one and iron them out, then stick the newly unflawed flaws back into the game to look all shiny and wicked, rendering them unflawedable? You bet your sweet arse it does!

We got new monsters! We got new guns! We got new perks, systems, tricks, monsters, monsters, monsters, guns, monsters, character developments, and a whooooole new motherfucking layout! That’s right, bitches, I’m talking open world stylies! No more linear gameplay here! Plus, this one is sooooo much creepier than the first one! Seriously! You even have to go into an unarmed first-person stealth mission with most of your view obscured by a gas mask! It’s freaky as hell! And the combat is fucking wicked! Seriously!

Now I get that this game isn’t for everybody, and I know it’s not without it’s flaws at times (seriously Seb, do some cardio or at least learn to jog faster than your walking speed, even if it does add to the tension during chases) but for me, this game is perfect. It has everything I want: monsters, scary atmosphere, guns, gore, monsters, sci fi, great story telling, awesome graphics, monsters, noir, terrified children, combat, bad voice acting and monsters. You all know I’m a horror buff, and I love gaming of all genres but for me, fun gaming combined with my one true love of horror will always win.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Verdict: So, here it comes - Aaron’s first perfect rating! How often will it happen? Not very! But here it is – 10/10

Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!

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