Wednesday 14 April 2010

Celebrity Twitters: Darth Vader

Ugh. Probe droids. Sure they’ve got the range and the endurance...but, oh, the lag...You click...and you wait...and you wait...

Still waiting.

@palpy87 Really? What is it with all these patches? Why do we even use Arakyd? You’d never get this kind of crap with Kuat Drive Yards.

@ozzel Hoth, huh? Freezing cold sounds good. Let’s go there.

@palpy87 Oh, I don’t know. It’s almost like I have nothing but bad luck with hot planets, or something, huh?

@ozzel And don’t come out of hyperspace too close to the system. Again.

@piett For unspecified reasons, you’re in charge now.

Hahahaha! Run tiny snow-speeder! BOOM! God, I love my job! BOOM!

Hah! This might be one of the most successful battles ever! We only allowed NEARLY all the Rebels to escape!

Millenium Falcon is hiding in the nearby asteroid field. I have suggested blowing up the asteroid field, but no-one’s listening to me today.

Sending out some TIE Bombers to blow up the asteroid field one asteroid at at time.

Rethinking plan.

@palpy87 Yeah, I’m on it. I’m not JUST blowing up space-rocks, you know? He will join us, or die.

@needa Oh, you ARE kidding me? My office. Right now.

Ugh. Bounty Hunters wanted. Substantial reward for finding Millennium Falcon. Apply to The Executor. No disintegrations.

@fettman Yes, a buffet lunch will be provided.

@fettman Bespin, huh? That was fast.

Am at Bespin, waiting to spring a trap on the Rebel scum.

I hope none of them follow me...that could be both awkward and strategically inappropriate.

Hah! Total success, now to wait for that guy. The Jedi. Whathisname.

@landocal Can we get some more of those filo pastry things up here? The Mandalorian is getting through them like you would not believe.

@landocal Perhaps you think you’re being treated unfairly?

@landocal Good. And a Fanta for me, please.

Did you know people can survive the carbon freezing process? I’m as surprised as you are.

@palpy87 Look, Boba Fett’s taken the cocky one, Lando’s taking care of the others, and I’m taking care of Skywalker.

@palpy87 You ALWAYS have a bad feeling about this. When have I EVER screwed up anything this easy?

@palpy87 Apart from the incident with the Death Star.

Hello to my 10,000th follower @sexyxizor !

Skywalker’s just got here. I’ll post when our meeting’s over to let you know how it goes!

@palpy87 It could have gone better.

Well, I may not have FULLY succeeded, but at least Princess Leia and the Wookie are captives of the Empire!

@landocal WHAT? I am SO taking you off my Facebook list.

Well, it wasn’t a resounding victory, everyone – but there is a silver lining!

@fettman DUDE! You took my Fanta! WTF?!

Expendable: capable of being sacrificed in order to accomplish a military objective.

Return to your action roots this summer as legend of cinema Sylvester Stallone takes you on an explosive adventure of a lifetime. On August 20th this is your chance to experience the much celebrated action movie institution in its most glorious form.

Modern day action heroes Jason Statham and Jet Li join forces with Dolph Lundgren and Bafta Winner Mickey Rourke alongside timeless heroes Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger to make the cinema a dangerous place to be this August. Rounding out the cast is wrestling superstar ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, David Zyas and Giselle Itie.

Barney Ross (Stallone) is a man with nothing to lose. Fearless and void of emotion, he is the leader, the sage and the strategist of this tight-knit band of men who live on the fringe. The team behind him is made up of Lee Christmas (Statham), former SAS and a savant with anything that has a blade; Yin Yang (Li), a master at close-quarter combat; Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), who has known Barney for ten years and is a long-barrel weapons specialist; Toll Road (Randy Couture), a skilled demolitions expert and considered the intellect of the group; and Gunnar Jensen (Lundgren), a combat veteran and an expert in precision sniping who struggles with his own demons.

When the mysterious Church offers Barney a job no one else would take, Barney and his team embark on what appears to be a routine mission: overthrow General Gaza (David Zayas), the murderous dictator of the small island country of Vilena and end the years of death and destruction inflicted on its people. On a reconnaissance mission to Vilena, Barney and Christmas meet their contact Sandra (Giselle Itie), a local freedom-fighter with a dark secret. They also come to learn who their true enemy is: rogue ex-CIA operative James Monroe (Roberts) and his henchman Paine (Austin).

When things go terribly wrong, Barney and Christmas are forced to leave Sandra behind, essentially giving her a death sentence. Haunted by this failure, Barney convinces the team to return to Vilena to rescue the hostage and finish the job he started. Perhaps, also, to save a soul: his own.

The Expendables – the action film to end all action films!

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