It may come as no surprise to you to learn that I'm a fan of quite a few different stand-up comedians. There are several reasons for this, as you'll generally find that someone who's into the performance side of stand-up comedy has quite a varied palate. That, and it saves inadvertently ripping off someone's routine, and can obviously save you making any effort whatsoever if you find that another comedian has done a routine that's better than most of your shit combined. Incidentally, I blame my recent lack of productivity on one man: Mitch Hedberg.
Mitch Hedberg's stand-up career spanned just 16 years and 3 studio albums. However, he became one of the most successful American comedians on late night US TV, appearing on The Late Show With David Letterman no fewer than ten times. Not a bad career, considering that his rise to stardom was hampered by a premature death from drugs, as well as stage fright. Let me just go back into that sentence and pull out something I feel is key. Mitch Hedberg performed for sixteen years despite stage fright. Is that something you could say equally of Sam Kinison or Bill Hicks? I very much think not!
In all seriousness, as a stand-up comedian, occasionally I get a really good idea for a one-line joke and feel pretty proud of myself. Mitch Hedberg should have been a complete prick by that logic, but everything you will ever see of him will make you think he's the kind of guy you'd have liked to hug. If you don't believe me, look for yourself...
The problem I face as a stand-up comedian is that with somebody like Mitch Hedberg, there is no subject he considered too bizarre to do a one-liner on. I leave you with a photo sent to me by my E14 colleague Brad, which encompasses one of Hedberg's most irreverent and yet most hilarious observations:
"An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order' sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
More music reviews for you now, with the quality of the entire package judged solely on the cover artwork. It's the only fair way.
Fightstar - Be Human
Here's a scinillating cover, all right. A half-cow-half-woman could technically work as a cover. It's intriguing. It's arty. It's potentially interesting.
Not like this though. This cow-woman just looks do terribly bored with the album. This cow-woman looks like she's posed for so many albums that if she does just one more, she's going to go postal. Or at least, she would, if she had the energy. She might sigh, light up an Embassy and think about how life would have been different if she'd had the foresight not to be half a cow. - 1/10
Asher Roth - Asleep In The Bread Isle
This is what the world needs - MORE comedy rap acts. Because Goldie Lookin' Chain just wasn't enough for us.
This is a great album cover though. I love the way that the photographer has heard the name of the album and come up with something really subtle and not shit.
And isn't Asher Roth the country in Warcraft? - 7/10
Booker T - Potato Hole
Oh, you are fucking kidding me, right? Just because he's Booker T he can put out a thinly veiled allusion to Goatse.Cx as an album cover? Fuck right off. If I did that, there'd be a fucking outrage. And believe me, I know. I speak from experience. - 8/10
So apparently TV pundits have been so firmly declawed by the media's counterfeit worries about being offensive that you're not even allowed to joke about somebody's teeth. I would like to point out a few things that I feel are important distinctions that need to be addressed.
Firstly, the guy actually does have horrendous teeth. It's not like she was stating a falsehood or anything. The guy's teeth are in rough shape. Besides which, she said "well, at least now you've got the money to get them done if you want". That's quite nice in my opinion, he may not have thought of that before she said anything.
Secondly, he obviously wasn't offended, as he went on to say that he could probably have them done now, but that he may be jinxing himself, perhaps thinking of his teeth as a lucky charm. They look a bit like Lucky Charms, the old breakfast cereal, in that some of them appear green.
It should incidentally be noted that the only thing this heavily sugared breakfast cereal has done to the leprachaun who loves them so much is fused his teeth into one solid mass on each gum. I'm no medical expert, but that actually seems more convenient to me.
I might also point out that the comment received only 1500 complaints. That's about 10,000 complaints short of anything interesting having happened, like nudity or guns. 1,500 complaints is the controversy equivalent of a vicar referring to the Lord as Golly by mistake. Besides which, you just KNOW that the people complaining all had royally horrendous teeth as well, possibly even sufficiently to rival our loveable Lucky Charms mascot himself.
As if all this compelling debate isn't enough to sway you that this is not actually something anybody needs to worry about, just look at the woman who made the comments. If you ever feel you genuinely have anything to fear from her, it's fairly certain that you're a cake.
This article gives a clear indication of everything that is currently wrong with the UK, and indeed a large amount of what is wrong with the world. This is a subject I feel fairly strongly about, the pursuit of the utmost mediocrity that this country represents. In so many ways, we reward mediocrity rather than excellence, from our obsession with reality TV stars in trash magazines to things like this.
It's important to note that not only was this song voted the WORST SONG EVER in 2003 by a panel of music critics (meaning that subjective opinion can't even be used as an argument to dismiss it nearly as effectively as if it was just one person's opinion), it wasn't even number 1 in the charts when it was released. It was a failure then, even by its contemporary fans in 1984.
What is it about this country that makes us so desperate for nostalgia that we'll even take the dregs? Perhaps nostalgia offers some sort of 'rose-coloured glasses' mentality. Maybe we're desperate for older stuff because newer stuff is shit. Either way, if you end up owning a copy of this re-released abomination, consider yourself mentally bereft.
I'm now just baiting my breath for Timmy Mallett's lifetime achievement award from the NME in 2010. I suppose it's a relief that even after 25 years, I feel like Black Lace have been mentioned to me fewer times than half the dross plugged to death by the music press year after year.
This is the story that the Pet Shop Boys were formally approached by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) - I've always wondered about this; Why is it People, and not some sort of organisation or society? Can they be bothered to organise themselves? THERE ARE KITTENS' LIVES AT STAKE DAMNIT!!
Besides that, how the hell can they justify changing band names to something a bit like them?What's next, Dexy's 12a.m Runners? Svelte Lizzy? Cyan Oyster Cult?
And finally, a few headlines that caught my eye while browsing for the stories you enjoy...
Fightstar - Be Human
Asher Roth - Asleep In The Bread Isle
