Thursday 3 May 2018

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Review Of Ghost House

The title says it all, really. Or does it? Mwa ha ha ha ha haaa!

Right, anyway. Saw this as I was scrolling about and thought “Hmm, this is new!” and decided to throw caution to the wind and have at it. What’s the worst that could happen, right? Where’s the harm? Well, that was my undoing, Blake, let me tell ya!

Because I found myself going through an excruciating 90 minutes or so knowing exactly what was going to happen, what was going to be said, and what would then happen subsequently. Now, put it down to old Aaron watching far too many horror films (which is ludicrous if you ask me; perish the thought!), but it was literally a play-by-play of modern horror ghost movies.

The film is set in Thailand where two American tourists (I know, but stay with me) meet up with a couple of British geezers who then, after a night on the town, take them to this graveyard time thing where they desecrate what is known as a ghost house (it’s like a bird house, only it’s for ghosts), which then, of course, brings on a pissed-off ghost, which is the last thing you want spoiling your holidays.

Now, the basic idea of this film (which like most ghost stories) is something that is pretty good, but then completely naffs it when it comes to the rest of the film. It’s almost as though someone came up with a great idea, and then when that idea only filled ten pages and they said “Sorry, we need at least 80 more of these”, they just decided to stick on a bunch of other ghost films and literally stole from them.

I think it’s such a shame when this happens, because this had all the mustard it needed to be a classy and original film (even more so if those cinematic horror geniuses in the Far East got their spectacular mitts on it first, coz dems bitches knows hows to make a cracking ghost story and no mistake). Unfortunately, it just seemed to cherry-pick scenes from other films, and to the point where (and I’m not exaggerating) I was saying to my friend at the time “I bet he’s going to say…” and “I bet when he…” and “I bet when she turns around…” all the way through (seriously, don’t watch films with me, I’m a nightmare), and I was bang on the money every time. That’s how bad it got.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Rating: It's a shame, because the potential was there. Unfortunately, as you & I well know, what a film could have been, and what a film becomes, are two very different things. – 3/10

Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!

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