Thursday 4 January 2018

Aaron’s Spoiler-free review of "Bright"

Yup, those cheeky fat cats over at Netflix are at it again with their movie-making shenanigans. Is there no end to their reign of terror?

Ordinarily I’d say “I hope not! Embrace the evil machine that is Netflix!” (We’re still waiting on our cheque, by the way) but if they carry on rolling out movies like David Ayer’s Bright, then I may just have to change my tone.

Bright is a film about a human cop and his orc partner who get caught up in a Street war between gangsters, an elf coven and even other cops when they come across an elf with a magic wand that wields mighty powers!

Visually, “Bright” has a lot to be celebrated. The makeup is outstanding and the visual effects are very impressive. Unfortunately, it feels as though this movie is trying to get by on those things and those things alone.

The writing is terrible, borrowing lines and cliches from a million other movies and the “witty banter” between the two protagonists is just awful. On top of this, there isn’t a single likeable character throughout the film.

The shame of it all, really, is that if they cut down on the violence and profanities, then there could have been a really promising film for young adults and adolescents, but instead it became an uncomfortable mashup between Percy Jackson and Bad Boys.

I feel dumber after having watched this film, and my eyes are killing me from the rolling they did throughout. Terrible dialogue, zero chemistry, plot holes, stupid and annoying elvish facial expressions, overacting out the yin-yang, pointless fucking flips and somersaults and ultimately just plain corny.

Aaron's Spoiler-Free Verdict: A load of fucking shit – 2/10

Aaron James Waters is a best-selling Pulp Fiction writer who has written more books than he's actually read.

He's also the rotten apple of the group who thinks this whole Star Wars thing needs to hurry up and die already.

You can find Aaron's debut novel on Amazon!

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