Saturday, 20 February 2010

Gaming Reviews

Undead Knights
Tecmo Koei
Available From 26th February - £29.99 (PSP)
Review by Blake Harmer

Undead Knights is fun, there is no denying it. What other game makes you a shambling undead abomination with the ability turn your enemies into your own undead minions and have them feast upon the rest of the bad guys who happen to be still breathing?

The game has a similar graphical look and feel to the Dynasty Warriors franchise, except that rather than being able to fire arrows and unleash super attacks, you give orders to your zombie horde such as "eat these people", "smash those buildings up" etc, and turn bad guys into the undead when you have softened them up a bit. You can also pick up your minions and perform different attacks such as a powerful area based attack all around you, although this does turn the zombie into mush.

This leads to a fun satisfying experience where you can order your minions to do your evil bidding, but you can also do some serious damage yourself in a punch up, so you don’t have to rely on them. Also, it’s immensely satisfying when you defeat some of the larger enemies and convert them to a zombie as well so they run clobbering everything left right and centre.

However, as the game progresses, the main flaws of the game quickly become apparent. It’s too easy to get stuck in a corner and clobbered to death by some of the larger minions, as dodging blows can be quite tricky to time it right. Also, with the larger monsters, it is always the same two ways of killing them, it is either by picking up zombies and throwing enough of them at them until they are so overwhelmed you can do critical hits on them. Or using a zombie smash when you are near them repeatedly until they die. Despite these flaws, and the irritating fact that you can’t issue orders when you are being attacked, and you must stand still to have the zombies complete a task, Undead Knights is still fun as it’s quick "pick up and play" havoc, with enjoyable bite sized levels for those trips to and from work.

The Emotionally Fourteen Games Rating
Graphics:
Similar graphics to the Dynasty Warrior games, where the emphasis is more on the number of enemies on screen, rather than looking pretty.
Sound/Music: Enjoyable groans and munching noises from your zombies, voice acting could be a lot better.
Gameplay: Simple hack-and-slash gameplay with some light tactical elements. It’s fun but not as deep as I would have liked it to be.
Lasting Appeal: If the online mode gets fixed and you have lots of mates to beat up, then potentially endless, however you will soon quickly tire of the single player experience.
Summary: An enjoyable game let down by some frustrating flaws that stop it jsut short of brilliant. There aren’t many games on PSP that will give you this experience so I recommend this for people who want to try something different whilst waiting for the next big release. Just don’t scare people on the bus with your evil laugh as you play. 7/10

Democracy Falls
Judge Dredd
Campaign
Mongoose Publishing

Available Now - £15.00 (Paperback) and £11.66 (PDF)
Review by Brad Harmer

Democracy Falls – a hub of opportunity for those in the Cursed Earth with the skills, gear and guts to try and survive within its gang-patrolled wall. Located a few hundred miles west of Mega City One on the ruins of one of America’s ancient heartland capitals, ‘D-Falls’ is a dream for Cursed Earthers…and a nightmare to the Justice Department. It has always loomed in the distance, standing as a reminder that the Mega Cities are not the only civilisations to thrive in this day and age.

The Justice Department has always turned a blind eye to the existence of Democracy Falls, choosing to use its resources more efficiently than laying siege to it. The appearance of a new criminal game in the lower blocks has changed the status quo, forcing the Chief Judges to take action. This new game, called Bloodrace, is well-known to have started in Democracy Falls – and it just claimed its first Judge’s life.

Now the Justice Department needs a small team of Judges willing to leave the safety of Mega City One to bring justice to the Bloodrace organisers – those who brought the game to MC-1’s streets. Everyone is allowed to enter Democracy Falls, even Judges…the only problem is getting back out again.

In many ways it’s a shame that Democracy Falls is so heavily embedded in the Judge Dredd universe, because a crime scenario like this would be a great one for many different crime/investigation RPGs. The plot of the mystery is very linear (don’t investigations have to be?), but the potential for exploration and subplots is virtually endless.

The pacing of the adventure will be spot on for most groups, providing a pretty even 50/50 split of role-play and investigation, and shoot-outs and high-octane chases. Even if that won’t keep all of your PCs happy all of the time, it’ll at least keep some of them happy some of the time.

As with other releases from Mongoose, its only real problem is that it’s absolutely stuffed with things to do and investigate. In many ways that’s great, as there’s oodles and oodles of extra backgrounds, ideas for sequels and some really great one-shots here. However, the editing of the book seems a little odd, as the wealth of the information about Democracy Falls is dumped in the middle of the book, when the Judges arrive there, and it really interrupts the flow of the narrative. Once I’d got passed it, it took me a page of so to remember what was supposed to be going on.

Maybe Mongoose should take a leaf out of Chaosium’s books and put a narrative summary at the start, and all the campaign setting stuff in an easily referable appendix at the end.
With that said, this is a well-rounded, packed out campaign. Mongoose have done it again. 9/10

Strontium Dog
Traveller
Sourcebook/Campaign Setting
Mongoose Publishing

Available Now - £25.00 (Hardback) and £18.14 (PDF)
Review by Brad Harmer

Earth, the late 22nd century. Following the atomic war of 2150, Britain has been devastated by nuclear holocaust. The survivors rebuilt their lives, but many were warped by the mutating effects of Strontium 90 fallout. Unable to live or work amongst the ‘norms’, mutants were forced to grow up in ghettos and take the only job open to them – bounty hunting. These Search/Destroy Agents hunt the criminals too dangerous for the Galactic Crime Commission. One such Strontium Dog is Johnny Alpha, whose eyes emit piercing Alpha rays and enable him to see through solid objects - and into men’s minds.

Using the Traveller core rules, Strontium Dog allows players to take the part of mutant bounty hunters, combing the galaxy for their prey – dead or alive!

Personally, I think it’s a real shame that both Judge Dredd and now Strontium Dog are relegated to being campaign settings for Traveller, rather than solid RPGs in their own right. Traveller is an okay system for them, but aren’t there enough gamers out there to justify making them full RPGs?

With that little grumble done with...this is an excellent sourcebook. It’s size, scope and dedication to its setting only really underlines the point that this should have been a full blown game. The character creation system, for starters, is excellent. Containing some echoes of the Leading Edge Aliens RPG (only without the clunkiness), the wealth of possibilities for your hero’s background (generated randomly) is endless. You could be a grizzled, scarred veteran, or totally green – both are possible!

On top of this the mutations list (also rolled randomly during character creation) is excellent, and the sheer number of possibilities should keep most groups happy indefinitely.

Some of the later elements boil down to basic sci-fi, but then again, so does a lot of the Strontium Dog universe. If you have access to a Traveller rulebook, and some friends who dig the comic, then you could have a blast with this for a long time. If not, however, don’t fork out for the core rulebook just to play this. 8/10

Dark Fall: Lost Souls
Darkling Room
Iceberg Interactive

Available Now - £24.99 (PC)
Review by Blake Harmer

If any of you are wondering where the adventure games genre has been over the last ten years (aside from the odd piece of episodic brilliance in the form of Monkey Island and Sam & Max), you’ll be happy to know that they are still being made, although not in as high a budget as the big releases of today.

Lost Souls is the third instalment in the Dark Fall series, but can stand on its own perfectly fine if you haven’t played the other games. You play an inspector in search of Amy, a missing girl in an abandoned and haunted train station.

The game likes to keep things simple by keeping the game in a first person perspective and having you looking for clues and solving puzzles whilst the clever use of sound and the occasional apparition attempt to scare the pants off you.

However, the game is let down by some poor dialogue in places that hampers the storyline and even spoilt my immersion into the game a couple of times. Also, some puzzles, as they are to do with the supernatural, are annoyingly difficult, with very imaginative solutions. However, look past these flaws and this is an enjoyable budget title that is worth a look at if you like your horror and your point and click adventures.

The Emotionally Fourteen Games Rating
Graphics:
Sub-Par considering other games out there. But for a game created by such a small team, a lot of credit has to be given for what they came up with.
Sound/Music: Excellent use of creepy sound effects to scare you whilst you play. But some poor dialogue in some scenes can spoil the experience.
Gameplay: Simple point and click adventuring with some horribly difficult puzzles made up for by lots of atmosphere and a story compelling enough to hold your interest.
Lasting Appeal: Depends how you find the puzzles, I found some very difficult but some point-and-Click lovers may breeze through the game in a few hours.
Summary: An experience filled with scares and imagination despite its obviously low budget. If you liked point-and-click adventures, this will not disappoint you. But be prepared for some incredibly difficult puzzles, and some scarily bad dialogue. 7/10


Friday, 19 February 2010

E14 Exchange - Rob's Illness Edition

A short while ago, Rob was ill with an unknown ailment. Despite it turning out to be a relatively minor chest infection, we thought we'd share Brad's attempt at playing Doctor.

Rob : I'm going to see a doctor at some point in the near future.
Brad: A proper one, or one of those Spider-Man Villain Doctors?
Rob : Which ever is free when I am, I suppose.
"What do you reckon the problem is then, doc?"
"That pesky web-slinger has foiled my plan to convert the city's water supply to opium!"
"So...exercise?"

Brad: What do you need to see them about?
Rob : I don’t know of anything definite really, it feels like my lungs aren't working as well as they should.
Brad: Cut back on smoking?
Rob : By that logic, I need to start MAKING cigarettes.
Brad: Nah, you just take up smoking, and then cut back again.
What can possibly go wrong?
Rob : …How long did you smoke for again?
Brad: Nearly ten years.
Rob : Yeah, so that can go wrong. Why did you quit again?
Brad: Purely the cost. Which led to the scenario Blake summed up as: "So, you quit smoking cigarettes because you couldn't afford it, and now only smoke the finest Cuban cigars?"

Rob : ...Yeah...
Brad: So you getting breathing problems consistently?
Rob : Not breathing problems as such: I'm always yawning even when I first wake up, and yawning is your body's way of drawing in more breath for more oxygen, and that lasts all day. I'm still getting the spells of faintness.
Brad: You on caffeine?
Rob : I've cut down, but yeah.
Brad: There's your answer.
Rob : What, the cut-down?
Brad: I tried cutting back the caffeine in the run up to Christmas, and I felt like death warmed up. Relentless FTW.
Rob : I had a Relentless for the first time in months before Xmas, it was like being on acid. Not the drug, the corrosive stuff.

Brad: You getting any pain along with the yawning?
Rob : My back just now, but I am sitting awkwardly.
Brad: Nausea?
Rob : Not that I can recall.
Brad: Excessive sweating?
Rob : Define excessive?
Brad: Point. Do you actually feel tired when you're yawning?
Rob : Not consistently.
Brad: Have you been on heroin recently?
Rob : …Define recently…No.
Brad: Hunh. I must need to add a third symptom, then.
How are your stools? (That means poop)
Rob : More regular than usual, but then I've been eating better generally. The past couple of days have been misleading anyway, because obviously there was that whole "Two meals and a crap-ton of jalapenos" thing on New Year’s Eve.

Brad: Any sinus problems? Oh, Jesus...there's a "society problems" section... This might take a while.
Rob : Yes, mild irritation. But that's fairly consistent. I've got my mum's sinuses, they've always been temperamental.
Brad: Eye problems?
Rob : Nothing beyond them not working without glasses.
Brad: Sure? I thought your eye was bugging you the other day.
Rob : Oh yeah, the watering thing. I forgot about that. That could just be something on my finger that got in my eye though.
Brad: It's a good thing I'm a shitty doctor, because you're a really shitty patient. Right, I've whittled it down to five possible causes.
Rob : Shoot.
Brad: All of which are some kind of drug withdrawal, including Heroin and Morphine.
Rob : Why has someone set up a Twitter account for RIP Patrick Swayze? Surely it's got limited lifespan...
Rob : You'd do yourself so many favours by changing your msn name to Brad while we do DDM
Brad: Like this? Good point.
Rob : I know it's only a Find/Replace thing on Word, but it's one less thing to have to do eh? Find/Replace makes E14 exchange so much quicker.
Brad: Good idea.
Rob : I have those occasionally: Now without the headaches, so Win!

Prepare yourself for a racy riot of buxom brawling babes, ballistic bedlam, crazed catfights and gratuitous sapphic romps in Bitch Slap, a sassy celebration and post-modern parody of 1950s, 60s and 70s exploitation movies.

Imagine Sin City produced by Roger Corman, directed by Russ Meyer – and shot in glorious Technicolor rather than dull monochrome! – and you’ll have some idea of what Bitch Slap is all about.

Directed by Corman protégé Rick Jacobson, starring a trio of titillating temptresses in the form ofJulia Voth, Erin Cummings and America Olivo, and co-starring ‘Xena/Hercules’ alumni Michael Hurst, Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor, along with Quentin Tarantino’s stunt woman of choice Zoe Bell, this is pure, sexy, mindless cinematic joy from sensational start to explosive finish.

The plot follows three badass chicks – stripper Trixie (Voth), corporate powerbroker Hel (Cummings)and psychotic drug-runner Camero (Olivo) – as they crash at a remote desert hideaway with a plan to steal $200 million in diamonds from a ruthless underworld kingpin. But as allegiances change and bitter truths are revealed, the girls’ plan spirals dangerously out of control, forcing them to face a variety of villains much worse than themselves and leaving the very fate of the world in the balance.

Bitch Slap (cert.18 will be released on DVD (£15.99) by Momentum Pictures on 19th April 2010.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Book Reviews

Dark Origins - Level 26: Book One
Anthony E. Zuiker with Duane Swierczynski
Penguin

Available Now - £12.99 (Hardback)
Review by Brad Harmer

If the world knew anything about Sqweegel, we’d never leave the house. Not that staying inside would make us safe. He is a psychopath who has murdered and tortured more than thirty-five people over a span of twenty-three years.

The one person who has ever come close to catching him is Steve Dark, and he’s left the business. After what happened to Dark’s family, few blame him.

Sqweegel strikes again, and this time the victim has connections to the very highest corridors of power. The special agents in the highly secret Level 26 unit have their jobs – and their lives – on the line. They must find Steve Dark and bring him back into the fold. It’s the only hope they’ve got...

In case you aren’t already aware, the big selling points of this novel are that a) it’s written by Anthony E. Zuiker, who created the highly popular and pretty damn good television series CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, and b) every now and again, the novel tells you to go online, and watch an intermission video clip that ties in with the story, calling itself a “digi-novel”.

This idea will either immediately strike you as “awesome” or “dumb” depending on whether you like to do your reading at home, with your computer in easy reach; or on the train, with no way of accessing the Internet. With that hurdle mentioned (and with doubtless hundreds of other bloggers and writers harping on about it one way or the other), this review is going to focus on what should be the most important aspect – the story.

This is probably a good thing, as the film sequences often feel like a gimmick, rather than an enhancement. They often just badly act out scenes that are later described in the book, our turn out to be irrelevancies or dream sequences. Don’t go thinking you can dismiss them entirely, however. There are two or three that are integral to the plot. The footage itself is low-budget and pretty badly acted (even from Michael Ironside), and appears to have been produced by Garth Marenghi.

What’s more, am I really the only one who’s getting sick to death of these mysterious killers who leave cryptic clues for the police to follow? This is has been going on for too long now. First few times it was a nice twist – these days it just reads like “the author didn’t know how else to introduce these clues”.

A lot of these criticisms are a little harsh; taken at face value, Dark Origins has some creepy scenes and some good action scenes. There’s no denying that it’s a fun ride, but you can’t shake the feeling it’s a ride you’ve been on many times before.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating:
Violence:
Several scenes shooting, bludgeoning and fisticuffs. Some explicit torture scenes.
Sex/Nudity: One soft-core sex scene as a video clip which I happened to be watching when my girlfriend entered the room. Cheers, Zuiker.
Swearing: Frequent, and strong.
Summary: The gimmick is interesting, and one that I’m not opposed to, in theory. However, work is needed on the execution. Stripped of its little clips, this is crime-fiction by the numbers. 5/10

The Chronicles of Solomon Kane
Brett Blevins, Jon Bogdanove, Howard Chaykin, Steve Corr, Robert E. Howard, Ralph Macchio, Mike Mignola, Sandy Plunkett, John Ridgway, Ray Thomas and Al Williamson
Dark Horse Comics

Available Now - £13.99 (Paperback)
Review by Brad Harmer

Continuing in the vein of the successful Chronicles of Conan collection series, Dark Horse has expanded its Robert E. Howard reprint line by presenting all of the original 1970s and 1980s Marvel color comic books featuring Solomon Kane in one volume.

Solomon Kane is probably my favourite Howard character. For those of you who don’t know, he’s basically an Elizabethan version of The Punisher, hunting down evil doers with his sword and a steely glare.

Robert E. Howard’s stuff transposes to comics very well. Howard’s abilities as a writer were never as strong as his imagination, and so he often struggled to make clear what he was seeing in his minds eye. With so many good illustrators here, that’s no longer a problem, and you’re able to picture them as Howard himself did.

There’s a nice scope here, from the original adapatations of Howard’s stories, to the full run of The Sword of Solomon Kane, and generally speaking, it’s really good stuff. Kane feels like proper hero, even when he’s being his douchebag self, and the artwork is very good, always managing to capture the mood of the stories and location.

And unlike most compilations, it finishes with a proper ending. Stellar stuff.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating:
Violence:
Frequent scenes of armed and unarmed combat.
Sex/Nudity: Some scanty clothing.
Swearing: None.
Summary: An excellent pulp fantasy compilation featuring my favourite Howard character. A pleasure to read, and worth anyone’s time. 9/10

Star Trek - Mirror Universe: The Sorrows of Empire
David Mack
Pocket Books

Available Now - £6.99 (Paperback)
Review by Brad Harmer

'In every revolution, there is one man with a vision.' Those prophetic words were spoken by Captain James T. Kirk to Commander Spock of the Terran Empire, hoping to inspire change -- but he could not have imagined the impact his words would have. Armed with a weapon of terrifying power and a vision of a noble Federation within the mirror universe, Spock seizes control of the Terran Empire and institutes the process of democratic reform.

Rivals within the Empire try to stop him while enemies outside it unite to destroy it. Few suspect the shocking truth: that Spock is purposely engineering the downfall of his dominion. Have the burdens of imperial rule undermined his sanity? Or is this the logical plan of a man who understands that freedom must always be paid for in blood? But Spock alone knows that the fall of the Terran Empire will be the start of a political chain reaction -- one that will alter the fate of the universe forever.

Star Trek novels are a funny beast. Unlike their less-Trekky-more-Warsy bretheren, there’s no canon or continuity of any kind. Fair enough, right? So long as it’s all in good fun, or at least feels like a Star Trek story. The trouble with The Sorrows of Empire, is that it’s set in Star Trek’s Mirror Universe. So...we have a non-canon Star Trek story, set in a parallel universe featuring characters who act nothing like their more famous doppelgangers. At this point, you have to wonder what point there is in calling it Star Trek at all.

The story, in and of itself, is a pretty cool one, about how a second in command of a starship slowly claws his way to the top through deals, assassinations and bribery. It’s an okay story, in theory. However, the execution is nothing short of terrible.

The story skips from year to year, sometimes describing a year in four pages – and not even as an overview. I mean, one year gets one scene. I know a year is a long time in politics, but come on...it feels like an overview for a role-playing game sourcebook, not a novel. It’s like it’s a short story inflated to full length book, and feels hollow for it.

What’s more, Mack obviously has a serious hard-on for Spock, and it just reads like some terrible Mary-Sue fan-fiction. None of the characters act like they should, even bearing in mind it’s the Mirror Universe. This is one for completists only.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating:
Violence:
Some Star Trek style ship-to-ship and person-to-person combat. Some murders.
Sex/Nudity: Some “curtains blowing in the wind” moments.
Swearing: None.
Summary: A pretty bad slice of fan-fiction that barely resembles any aspect of Star Trek, Mirror Universe or otherwise. Star Trek can be so much better than this. 1/10

This time it’s spreading… A high-school prom is under threat after a deadly, flesh-eating virus spreads amongst the students. A popular brand of bottled water is contaminated by a virus that results in the most disgusting and bloody of complaints! Following directly on from the first film and featuring original cast members Rider Strong and Giuseppe Andrews from the popular Cabin Fever (directed by Eli Roth), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever is available to buy now.

You’ll need a strong stomach to drink this one down! As students thirst for the latest trendy water they have no idea that a flesh-eating bug has contaminated the supply and is going to ravage their bodies. A revolting and humourous body-shock bloodbath follows as they experience bleeding eyes, pus-filled fingernails and rotting bodyparts! Set against the backdrop of unrequited teenage love and an investigation of the water company this is a stomach-turning movie full of gore and off-beat humour.

Thanks to our friends at Lionsgate UK, we've got three copies of Cabin Fever 2 to give away! For your chance of winning one, send us an e-mail to cabinfever2giveaway@rocketmail.com with your name and postal address before midday on Thursday 25th February (UK time). The first three names drawn out of the electronic hat will win a free copy!