Sour Crouch Says....Play Attack on Titan

Words: Sour Crouch

Hey you. Yeah, the one staring at me, all googly-eyed. I know what you're thinking and you're right, but now isn't the time for tissues and spaff. Pornhub will still be there in 5 minutes. Believe me. I’m counting on it.

Free Games Incoming!

This'll only be the briefest of ramblings. I promise. Today, splendidly, I have stumbled upon something that has managed to steal my attention away for more than 5 minutes. This may not sound important, but I must attest that it is *always* important when I am so transfixed in a game that I fail to remember to shit, shave or masturbate (the three activities I find take up most of my time).

The game that I am warbling on about is called Attack on Titan, a basic hack n' slash made in the Unity engine.

I sense a synopsis!

So Attack on Titan is based on a manga (more details of which can be found here), set in an apocalyptic wasteland besieged by gigantic humanoid creatures who enjoy recreational activities which primarily involve either squishing the remaining humans into the ground or devouring them. At some point, walls were erected to keep the nasties out and inevitably the walls failed. Your mission as the player is simple: chop the living shit out of the variously sized meat machines whilst avoiding many foul attempts on your life.

Fairly standard fare, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Now, you have certain tools at your disposal for giving the Titans hell:

1. Two samurai swords for cleaving
2. Some ninja hooks for travel/escape

And lo, oh Player of Games...you...*you* can achieve this most holy of goals by slicing into a big throbbing weak spot on the back of their noggins. Sound easy? Simple, right? You've done this before. The Legend of Zelda...Shadow of the Colossus...God of War...you see the picture I'm building up here?

Bollocks.

Not only do you have to do this 32 times, you have to do it whilst dodging the many gaudy attempts the Titans make at squishy-squishy, your only defense from this being the tried and true method of "spidermanning" yourself through a cityscape with nothing but your guile, dexterity and ninja hooks to save you from excruciating and almost certain death. It’s ultimately the mechanics which make this game so entertaining to play. The Titans will punch, lunge and belly flop you out of existence and you'll be pressing T (to respawn) an awful lot.

I'm not one for manga, but by no means do you need to have watched AoT's counterpart to enjoy the game, it's good skill-based killing that'll (hopefully) have you as stuck to your screen as I am. I guess what I'm trying to get at…in a roundabout way…is that basically…

You're going to die a lot. What’s more, you're going to like it.

Here's the game.

If you like the game, drop them a line. Tell them Sour fucking Crouch from emotionally14 sent you. This has been he.

E14 Presents - Claymore Division!

Today, E14 is proud to bring you the first episode of Claymore Division, a new segment starring our very own Brad Harmer and Omer Ibrahim. In their inaugural episode, they bring you reviews of the latest military history releases. Check out the video, and let us know what you think in the comments below!

Rob Talks Games - The Last Of Us/FTL

Words: Rob Wade

What's up, loyal E14ies? Since I've been quiet for a little while, I figured I'd chip in with a few thoughts on my recent gaming history. Since last I posted, there's been tons of news on the next-gen consoles, but to be honest at this point I've got far too much good stuff going on in my gaming collection to worry about whether the Xbox One and Playstation 4 will have a certain feature four months before the hardware ships. I'll worry about it when there's stuff worth playing.

Anyway, rant over. On to the games!

The Last Of Us

Naughty Dog's mult-million selling game is deserving of a hell of a lot of plaudits, if you ask me. I finished it the other night on Normal difficulty (for those keeping score, I tend to go Normal/Hard by default for the slightly higher challenge you understandably don't get with Easy mode). Having had some time to digest the game, I can safely say that it's one of the most engaging games of this console generation from start to finish. The graphics are incredible, particularly the scenery around the characters. The characters are so well written that it's impossible not to like them more as the game progresses, particularly in the cases of the incidental dialogue between Joel and Ellie. Encompassing all of it, more importantly, is one of the most compelling stories I've seen in gaming history. I would be hard pushed to choose between The Last of Us and Bioshock Infinite for my game of 2013 so far, as they're both superbly realised in different ways.

It's not a perfect game, by any means. There's some seriously dodgy AI going on at times, and although I understand the logic of not having the secondary characters 'visible' to the enemies to avoid AI-related fuckups, it doesn't really make much sense when it comes to seeing the game in motion and sort of detracts from the immersion factor. Nonetheless, the game is an absolute stunner, and one that I'll most certainly be picking up again at some point in the not too distant future.

FTL

I have now been playing FTL for 44 hours, according to Steam. In that time, I have 0 successful campaign victories. Despite this, I don't feel that the game is anything but excellently built. I can't help but feel like I improve a little bit every time I fail, which is a difficulty curve I can absolutely deal with. It's also a game that benefits from a very easy pick-up-and-play feel, which is handy considering that most of my gameplay on this title is done on my lunch breaks at work! Moreover, it's a title that inspires a lot of interest from the people passing me at my desk, and with such a low price tag it's difficult not to recommend.

Maybe one day I'll beat it.

I've been playing some other stuff, but there's not really much to say about Animal Crossing: New Leaf beyond the fact that it's adorable and really relaxing. Once I've played a bit more of some other games, I'll put up some stuff about those too, but in the meantime, my recommendation is simple: Play the above two games.

Agree/Disagree? Why not let's talk about it in the comments below? Wouldn't some civilised discourse be awesome?