Monday, 26 October 2009

Obese people can jog on


A quick question before we begin: What is with the whole diet and health obsession culture that has become of humanity? It feels like it started as soon as places like McDonald's started doing salads as part of their meal options. I really think anyone who buys a salad from McDonald's is really missing the point of the restaurant. The whole reason junk food tastes good is partly down to the fact that you KNOW you shouldn't be eating it, because it is terrible for you. The problem is that you don't care unless you're the kind of person who lacks sufficient self-awareness to purchase a salad from McDonald's to appease what passes for your conscience.

Nowadays, we're inundated with different fitness gurus from different walks of life (actors, TV soap 'stars' etc) peddling their fitness DVDs in time for New Year, when of course everyone is shedding their Christmas dinner weight. We have adverts for 'Diet Chef', a service that supposedly delivers healthy meals to your door so that you don't have to burn any unnecessary calories going to the shops or cooking. Still, for £50 a week, you'd expect something substantially fucking nutritious. Hell, for £45, I'd expect the food to eat and digest itself, while still allowing me to feel the health benefits and nourishment associated with the foodstuff in question. Speaking of fitness gurus, whatever happened to Mr. Motivator? The TV world needs him back. Bad.



The trouble is that we as a society have made an example of these people when what we should have done is ignore them completely, for example if you saw one in a crowd (I know that doesn't really work in practise, as most obese people are technically a crowd in themselves, and thus more difficult to ignore by definition). Think of all the reality television you've watched in the last few months. If it's any more than "none" then you're an arsehole, but more on that another time. Of those reality shows you've watched, I would hazard an educated guess that a significant percentage were about obese women, obese families or obese children. I watched one called "Britain's Biggest Babies" the other day, and found it to be mostly tragic but occasionally hilarious. One woman was twenty-three stone (THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-TWO POUNDS) and failed to realise she was pregnant. Hardly surprising, considering she weighed the same as several professional wrestlers including The Undertaker. To put it in perspective, he's nearly seven feet tall and unlike this woman isn't three feet wide to go along with it.

Having said that, the show did get comedy points for using the phrase "Diabetes RUNS in their family" with no sense of irony whatsoever.

If it's not the television programmes, it's the stupid magazines like "Take a Break" or "Pick Me Up" (Which I can only assume is named ironically when the headline reads "Fourteen Stone at age 4" or whatever the hell it says). I hate these parents of obese children, because these are the same parents who probably complain about the violent video games in society, when any parent worth their salt will at least KNOW what Wii Fit is, even if they've seen through the bullshit and recognised it for what it is; a trick to make you think exercise should be enjoyable.

When you think about it though, we haven't helped as a society. Sure, Wii Fit is a bit of a gag to anyone who understands the joke, but then it's not the first thing to try and convince you that you're exercising more than you are, is it? I mean, since when is a PEDOMETER a useful tool in the fight against obesity? First of all, have you seen one? It's just an LCD gauge, that is literally all it is. An LCD gauge in a plastic case.


Secondly, it doesn't actually fucking work. I borrowed one once, and all it did was register when I made any sort of vague movement whatsoever. Thank God I don't suffer from any sort of physical tic, otherwise I'd have ended up overloading the fucking thing on the first day!

Obese people are not obese because they don't eat the salads at McDonald's. Obese people who visit McDonald's are obese because they order two fucking meals a visit (or one meal with another one as a "Side order") and then have the nerve to order a DIET COKE with their meal. Come on, who are you kidding? Do you honestly believe you'll be able to stave off that next dress size up just because you lose those ever-so-filling Coca-Cola calories? Maybe you need the energy from those three portions of onion rings to fight off the obesity. In any case, more power to you and best of luck. You'll need it, chunky.

Never forget, society has helped to make obese people the way they are, by molly-coddling them and trying to make them feel better about themselves. Obesity is not a condition that should be sugar-coated. That's a recipe for disaster.




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