Wednesday 26 November 2008

Music Reviews

More music reviews for you now, with the quality of the entire package judged purely on the cover artwork. It's the only fair way.

Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy

It seems like only a week ago I made some sort of crack about how this album would never be released. Actually, it was three weeks. How time flies.

The thing is, I've been waiting for this album for fifteen years...and now that it's out...I still haven't heard it. Sometimes the idea of something is much, much more entertaining that the idea itself. Snakes On A Plane for example, was much more entertaining as an Internet meme than as an actual film. Sadly, I have now discovered that taking the piss out of Axl N' Roses for never releasing this album was much more entertaining than them actually releasing this album. Going on the apathy it has received worldwide, I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

Basically, this album is what Guns N' Roses do best - really shitty cover artwork. 6/10

Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad: Re-Loaded

Yet another reissue of this album, to be followed in six months time by the exceptionally disappointing Good Girl Gone Bad: Revolutions. Retards and other R&B fans think that Rihanna is being really flexible and is bending backwards at an incredible angle on this cover. Music lovers and other people who have seen the Adam West Batman TV series point out that she's standing upright and they've tilted the camera.

I assume that the album is like Rihanna's career and gets worse with each successive song. 1/10

Connie Talbot - Connie Talbot's Christmas Album

I don't know who this person is. I assume I should, as they mention her name not once, but twice on the CD. She must be off some game-show or something.

Children with record deals realy waste the opportunity. This is going to be some twee plinky-plonky shite for grannies to fawn over. If I was given a record deal at that age, you can bet I would have actually been able to release that concept album about when Skeletor left The Evil Horde to start his own army of evil in Eternia. But, no...just dreams...and memories.

Fuck her. She's wasting this shit. She could have at least had a bash at a Ben 10 musical. 1/10

Gabriella Cilmi - Lessons To Be Learned

I don't know what to say about this cover. What I do know, is that if I ever meet her, I'm going to try and do her. I'm therefore not scuppering my chances by saying anything bad about her. 10/10

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