Tuesday 4 November 2008

Music Reviews

They say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. They don't, however, say that about albums...so that's what I'm going to be doing.

Pink - Funhouse

Well, it shares its title with an album by The Stooges, so I guess that's one point in its favour. I've got to be honest and say that I find myself completely at a loss to explain Pink's success. She's got way more attitude than a woman of her talent should have, she has a monotone gravelly voice, and her songs are the most ego-centric since Eminem's. One day she's going to realise she's gay, and we all know that. I don't have a problem with her being gay. I have a problem with the fact that as soon as she comes out, you can bet your arse than an autobiography will follow, and her complete lack of talent in yet another artistic field will make her a shitload of money whilst genuine zombie themed talent like Send More Paramedics will fizzle out unnoticed.

Also, the cover makes it look like Pink has just given birth to a giant wooden horse and is feeling rather pleased with herself. A feeling which, surely, cannot be new to her. 2/10

Grace Jones - Hurricane

Grace Jones rears her ever-so-slightly scary head again. She's always walked a really fine line between prog and disco - genres that are seperated by a really fucking big fine line. I willing to bet that this album contains lots of prog sounding synth and keyboard lines and sounds about as dated as Pretty Hate Machine. I am also willing to bet that all of the liner notes are written in Courier font. I am also willing to bet that Grace Jones could tear me in half like a phone book, so I'm not saying anything bad about this album.

Whilst I don't particularly like prog-synth-disco albums, anyone involved with one of the Conan movies instantly scores highly on everything they do. 8/10

Paul Carrack - I Know That Name

Look at those eyes.

He's thinking of molesting you.


The Game- LAX

I'm assuming that those are his kids in that photo, because that's the kind of thing that rappers do. They like to maintain this gun-runnin', crack-smokin', beanie-hat-wearin' facade...but every now and again they let that drop to reveal that there is a sensitive side to everyone. He's makin' sho' his kids gro' up rite, fo' shizzle. He's tryin' to show that he may be this bad-ass rappa' most of the time...but when his girl wants a nite ou', he happy to si' on the cou' with his tw' kid' and watch High Skizzle Mizzle.

At least I'm assuming that's the intention. It has backfired somewhat, as it looks like he's busted into your house and is threatening your kids with violence if you don't give him the money/crack/PS3. Strangely, I find that interpretation much cooler. 8/10

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