Thursday, 5 February 2009

Music Reviews

More music reviews for you now, with the quality of the entire package judged solely on the cover artwork. It's the only fair way.

The Fray - The Fray

Is this techno? I'm guessing it's techno. There's something about the combination of lighting tubes, blurry photos and denim that suggests techno. Do people even still make techno anymore? It seems kind of pointless to me. Back in 1997 I bought a PC program called Techno Maker that basically showed how any retard able to operate Windows could make a techno sound in three minutes. That's less time than the song actually takes to play.

I think techno needs to stay dead and buried. Don't buy this album - 2/10



Hot Leg - Red Light Fever

What the fuck is this?

Seriously, Hot Leg. There's making gestures towards being gay because you're comfortable in your own heterosexuality - and then there's this double-bluff. Can you picture the conversation between Hot Leg and the artist, Bimon Sisley?

"I want the cover to have kind of an eighties androgyny, to it. A feeling of homoeroticism and Mad Max style cyberpunk."
"Uh, we could do that. How about an androgynous guy on a motorbike, riding towards a futuristic city?"
"That works. Can he be wearing leather trousers?"
"Sure."
"And big, backcombed hair?"
"No problem."
"Ooh...ooh...wait! How about if instead of leather trousers...arse-less chaps?"
"Uh...could we do a bare arse on the album?"
"No problem. Just make him wear a thong."
"Can you leave my office, please?"
"And most of the buildings should look like penises!"
"Out."
"I'm not gay."
- 7/10

The Carter Family - Roots of Country

There's a family who look like they know how to have a good time. Whether it's putting up a barn, thanking the Lord for a fruitful harvest, or just perform an act of self-flaggelation for impure thought - it's always party time at the Carter's place!

Black Metallers could learn a lot from these guys. They scare me more with their fundamentalist Christian eyes far more than an army of spotty teens in spikes and KISS make up ever could.

Jesus, it's like they can see every act of masturbation I ever indulged in. Fuck these guys. - 6/10

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