Wednesday 22 December 2010

Celebrity Twitters: Father Christmas

Well, boys and girls it’s that time of year again. We’re getting all loaded up, and ready to roll!!!

@rudolphlundgren When you say “missing”, what exactly do you mean? Please clarify.

@rudolphlundgren Are we talking the “presumed dead” or “presumed smashed out of her face on egg nog again” type of missing?

Okay, guys, @mrssantaclaus has gone missing again. Please keep an eye out for her. She may, repeat MAY, be naked.

There seem to be an awful lot of Go-Go Hamsters left over this year. This is the Buzz Lightyear bullshit all over again.

Actually, yes, Concerned Parent, I can swear all I want. What are you going to do? Keep it up and you’re getting a lump of coal.

And by “coal” I mean “poop” and by “lump of”, I mean “flaming”.

@rudolphlundgren Well, the tracks must lead somewhere, ffs! Follow her!

The Elves were unable to get into work today because of the snow. When I pointed out that we live in Lapland...they just shrugged.

@easterbunny No, I’m not coming to the Christmas Party. It was embarrassing watching you try and fuck the Tooth Fairy all night last time.

@easterbunny You’re a dick.

@rudolphlundgren Ugh. Great. Carry her back here, please.

@rudolphlundgren Oh, sorry! I thought that a flying reindeer would be able to carry back a drunk middle-aged woman without assistance!

@rudolphlundgren How tangled up?

@rudolphlundgren Ugh. I’ll send the Elves up with some wire-cutters.

@elrondftw Can some of you guys go and help @rudolphlundgren? She’s caught up in the barbed wire again.

@elrondftw For the last time, it’s Lapland! It’s always going to be snowy!

@rudolphlundgren Never mind. I’m on my way.

Christmas Eve. Loaded up the sleigh on my own. Drunk naked wife somewhere in the snow. This is not exactly how I planned it this year.

I don’t even like children.

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