Why Twilight is a Really Good Thing

Sure, you may not like Stephenie Meyer’s The Twilight Saga. Maybe you’re not into Dawson’s Creek Vampires, terrible dialogue, paper thin characters and glittery undead. Like it or not, though, it’s popular. And it will continue to haunt you for the rest of your life. Five years from now, you’ll be watching I Remember the 00’s on Channel Four (actually that show’s probably shooting right now), and they’ll talk about Twilight. Ten years from now, your daughter or gay son will be reading it at school. Fifteen years from now, they’ll be reading it because it’s on the school syllabus. Every Christmas the movies will be on TV. You won’t be able to escape. Twilight is here, it’s simultaneously overrated and underrated, get used to it.

Whatever you do, don’t allow yourself to slip into a mindset of unbridled hatred. The Twilight Saga is, or is going to be, responsible for some pretty awesome stuff.

IT’S GETTING TEENAGERS TO READ

If The Daily Mail is to be believed (and I think it’s a pretty unbiased news-source, myself) then getting teenagers to do anything besides binge-drink, knife each other, listen to emo, play violent video games and get pregnant is an uphill struggle of Sisyphean proportions. So it’s impressive that teenagers are reading. Sure, it’s not the most brain-stimulating material in the world; but nor is Harry Potter, Goosebumps or The Chronicles of Narnia, and no-one minded when kids were reading that.

Worst case scenario, they read Twilight, and never read another book again. What were the alternatives? Watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians (which I still believe is a herb used in Indian food), or playing Infernal: Hell’s Vengeance. Yeah, I’d rather they were reading Salinger, Dickens, Orwell or Ennis myself, but frankly, I’ll take what I can get.

If it’s anything but a “worst case scenario”, which we would hope would be the majority of instances, then it’s even better. Maybe they actually like reading, and read some good stuff. Or, maybe they think it’s a crock of shit and could do better themselves.

STEPHENIE MEYER MAKES OTHER AUTHORS LOOK BETTER, IF ONLY BY COMPARISON

Twilight didn’t start the “Paranormal Romance” genre. It just popularised it so that it was worth Waterstones and WH Smith dedicating a whole shelf to it. By the time that Twilight was published in 2005, the genre had been around since at least the late-eighties. A good sized chunk of the books on the “Paranormal Romance” shelf will pre-date Twilight.

Authors like Keri Arthur, Jayne Ann Krentz and Kelly Armstrong had been writing and publishing Paranormal Romance for anywhere up to fifteen years before Twilight first arrived. What Twilight has done, however, has brought them to the fore again – and some of them, Armstrong in particular, are actually pretty good writers. If it hadn’t been for Twilight bringing them to the fore, they would have been forgotten about by all but a small cult of followers; much like Evanescence made Nightwish popular.

Mix into this the rising popularity of the much more hardcore (in terms of violence, sexual content and credibility) Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series and The Sookie Stackhouse Mysteries, and Twilight has proven to be not just good for the Paranormal Romance genre, but the Horror genre in general. A rising river floats all boats.

IT’S STOKING A BACKLASH

It’s something that we’ve seen a hundred times before. Everytime something really namby-pamby comes along, there’s an awesome cultural backlash a few years down the line, when creative geniuses literally explode, and blow away all the bumpf of before. When prog-rock became too bumbling and disco too cute: BOOM, the Pistols blew it away. When hair-metal became too wimpy and wet: BOOM, thrash and death metal blew it away. I’m not saying that prog-rock or hair-metal are bad things – I like both – but history has shown it’s only so long before something gets blown away by something more “hardcore”.

So, if Twilight’s the big wimpy thing, we can expect all those kids reading it now and seething to grow up and write some seriously fucked up shit. Maybe it’s time cyberpunk came back...just saying.

IT MADE GEEK AND GOTH SUBCULTURES SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE...ISH

The past ten years have been the Decade of the Geek. We live in an era where it is socially acceptable to play World of Warcraft – what basically amounts to Dungeons and Dragons for people who can’t do maths, or real world relationships. We live in an era where Hollywood will spend millions and millions of pounds on a three movie adaptation of The Lord of the Rings. Doctor Who is back on telly. Geeks have never had it so good.

Goth is really big right, now. It may call itself “emo” now, but the moping, bad hairdos, tight trousers and jangly guitar music say “Goth” to me. Anyone who pretends otherwise is deluded. If you don’t believe me, wait until 30 Seconds to Mars do a cover of "This Corrosion". It will happen.

Twilight is what happens when those two cultures get big, and want to throw money at something. The funny thing is, it’s the Goth and Geek subcultures who are most likely to shout Twilight down, despite all the awesome things that it has caused, and will cause in the not too distant future.

You can say you don’t like it, but you can’t dislike what it has done. The fact remains that in terms of investment of money and cultural interest, Twilight is one of the best things to have happened to the Emotionally Fourteen in a long time. Also, if you bloody-mindedly hate whatever’s popular, you don’t look clever. You just look old.

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Book Reviews

Rynn's World: A Space Marine Battles Novel
Steve Parker
Black Library
Available Now - £8.99 (Paperback)
Review by Brad Harmer

When the Ork hordes of Warlord Snagrod lay waste to the planet of Badlanding and wipe out the Crimson Fists sent to stop them, Chapter Master Kantor prepare a hasty line of defence on the Fists home planet of Rynn's World. Tragedy strikes when an errant missile destroys the Space Marine's Chapter monastery, killing most of their warriors. With a handful of Crimson Fists left, Kantor must fight the campaign of his life, to defeat Snagrod's orks and prevent his Chapter's annihilation.

Here we go again. It turns out that in the grim darkness of the far future, there is only one thing. Awesomeness.

And Bolt Thrower, I guess.

Rynn’s World is the epitome of how a good, strong, if a little generic, Warhammer 40,000 novel should be put together. The action comes thick and fast, all of the characters are distinct and interesting, and there is a buggerload of explosions. And Orks. I love Orks.

If you like books with an ensemble cast where anyone can die at any time, then this will be right up your street. At least two or three times, I caught myself thinking: “Heh. This guy’s awesome. He’s...oh. Didn’t see that coming.”. And Orks. I love Orks.

If I were to compare Rynn’s World to anything, I’d probably compare it to David Gemmell’s Legend – a novel that features a city of underprepared civilians defending their city against an overwhelming horde, with the aid of a gang of warrior monk hard-nuts. The action set-pieces are awesome, and – forgive me for pushing the boat out here – but this one may be good enough for non-Warhammer fans to check out.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating:
Violence: Frequent, gory, and explodey.
Sex/Nudity: None.
Swearing: None
Summary: A great slice of military science-fiction, that may even appeal to non-Warhammer fans. Action packed and exciting. And Orks. 9/10

The New Dead: A Zombie Anthology
Max Brooks, Joe Hill, Kelley Armstrong and others
Edited by Christopher Golden
St. Martin's Griffin
Available Now - £9.58 (Paperback)
Review by Blake Harmer

If you couldn’t tell, what with the amount of movies, computer games, books and comics that have turned up over the last couple of years (with a lot of them gracing this fine site), zombies are incredibly popular at the moment. So it is no surprise that Christopher Golden has assembled a collection of original zombie stories from a variety of writers.

This compilation does have its advantages over other horror compilations as by sticking to stories about one kind of monster, Golden has made sure to select several stories that have a different take on the traditional zombie or are done in a different writing style. The short stories worth mentioning is the near future sci-fi story What Maisie Knew by David Liss, Twittering from the Circus of the Dead by Joe Hill which tells a zombie story from the perspective of a girl who is constantly tweeting on Twitter, and Closure by Max Brooks which is an excerpt from the excellent World War Z.

However, despite the fact that this collection has some very clever takes on Zombies, it still suffers from the fact that some of the stories don’t live up to the same quality as the stories I mentioned previously, and thus spoils the experience. Which is a shame in some cases such as Lazarus by John Connolly and Among Us by Aimee Bender where they try to do something a little different with zombies by not making them a horror story, but it just doesn’t work with the rest of the anthology which is obviously trying to scare you with zombie related bitey death.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating:
Violence: Quite a bit of death seeing as the anthology is about zombies, but nothing to really make you cringe.
Sex/Nudity: some sex and nudity, including a sex scene involving a human being and a zombie. Looks like it’s back to therapy for me!
Swearing: A fair amount considering it is aimed at a teenage to adult audience.
Summary: A compendium of zombie stories filled with good ideas but let down by some poor stories or other stories that just doesn’t gel with the rest of the compilation. There are a lot of stories here for its £9.99 price tag so it will keep Zombie lovers on a budget happy until the next best thing comes along, which going by the success of zombies lately, probably isn’t that far away. 6/10

Blue Bloods and Masquerade
Melissa de la Cruz
Atom
Available from 4th March - £6.99 each (Paperback)
Review by Charlotte Barnes

Fifteen year old Schuyler Van Allen has never quite fit in at her exclusive prep school, she is more of a vintage than a Versace girl, but all that’s about to change. Schuyler has just found out that she’s a Blue Blood, the Blue Bloods are the New York City’s most glamorous and secret vampire elite; they are beautiful, rich and powerful. Now they are being murdered and Schuyler must find out who or what is behind it before she’s next.

The series of books written by Melissa de la Cruz is essentially Gossip Girl with vampires - what a fantastic combination; I am a huge fan of both! These are the first two books in a series and they are fantastically addictive, after reading the first book I immediately wanted the second book and I didn’t care whether I had to beg, borrow or steal to get my Blue Bloods fix.

De la Cruz has modified the traditional view of vampirism and adapted it in to another version of the genre. Die hard Dracula fans will probably not be a fan of these books but teenage girls will (and twenty five year old women who still read Heat magazine every Tuesday afternoon...). More importantly these books are sassy and well written with a creative plot that draws in the reader hook, line and sinker. Masquerade flows on beautifully from the first novel and even though it brings in new characters into the mix they are developed so well you don’t feel like there are too many people to get your head round and more importantly the plot doesn’t become fluffy because of the introduction of the new characters.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating:
Violence: Moderate, one would expect more considering the book is based around vampires.
Sex/Nudity: Mild
Swearing: None.
Summary: Fantastic read and I would recommend to anyone who is a fan of Gossip Girl, Twilight or The Vampire Diaries. On a personal note I would like to commend the wonderful PR person over at Atom who sent Blue Bloods to me decorated with a bow, what a lovely touch! 8/10

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Marvel Comics has two words to say to Spider-Man’s alter ego Peter Parker -- You’re Fired! Beginning in Amazing Spider-Man #623, on-sale March 3rd, everyone’s favorite friendly neighborhood hero has to not only survive key arch nemesis Vulture’s reign of terror…but also losing his job at the Mayor’s office! Peter Parker lays it all on the line to protect J. Jonah Jameson and keep the city from ripping itself apart, but Peter’s sacrifice winds up costing his career as a photographer.

But when you can’t pay the bills, how’s a Super Hero supposed to buy web-fluid and fix his costume? Spider-Man’s about to learn that with great power and great responsibility comes the great need to be employed -- which isn’t so easy when you’re blacklisted in New York City!

“Peter Parker’s been through some rough times lately, with all of his deadliest foes returning, and he couldn’t lose his job at a worse time” said Senior Editor Steve Wacker. “He’s going to struggle with unemployment and trying to save the city while he can barely afford to keep a roof over his head.”

The intrigue starts in Amazing Spider-Man #623 with the shocking next installment, Amazing Spider-Man #624, spinning into stores just one week later – March 10!

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What links together Hollywood’s biggest film studios, the US military, the Scottish education system and the South Korean government?

There are some things that are simply a given about video games…

Games are played by teenage boys.

40 per cent of all US video game players are women.

Video games tend to be violent and it’s their violence that makes them popular.

Of the 20 bestselling console games of all time, only 1 involves any real-world violence at all.

Playing games encourages anti-social behaviour.

World of Warcraft’s online community boasts a still-rising total of over 12 million subscribers.

Then there are the elements of games we’re less familiar with…

In 2008 Nintendo overtook Google to become the world’s most profitable company per employee.

The South Korean government will invest $200 billion into its video games industry over the next 4 years.

Games are used to train the US Military, to model global pandemics and to campaign against human rights abuses in Africa.

The trading of virtual goods within games is a global industry worth over $10 billion a year.

Gaming boasts the world’s fastest-growing advertising market.

Game worlds are creating a whole new science of mass engagement that is starting to transform our understanding of economics, business and democratic participation.

Whether you like video games or loathe them they’re a part of your life. Welcome to Fun Inc.

Thanks to our friends at Virgin Books, we've got five copies of Fun, Inc. to give away! For your chance of winning one, send us an e-mail to funincgiveaway@rocketmail.com with your name and postal address before midday on Tuesday 9th March (UK time). The first five names drawn out of the electronic hat will win a free copy!

Things the Star Wars TV Series can do that will make it awesome (Part 1)

Love them or loathe them, one thing above all is obvious: The Star Wars prequels split the community upon their release. With George Lucas' announcement of a live-action television series focusing on the events between Episodes 3 and 4, speculation is rife about some of the things that are to be included in the series. Lucas has clearly and definitively mentioned that Darth Vader and Sidious will not be directly featured, and that there may be a plot line involving Leia, but other than that most has been left to speculation. E14, therefore, lists this week some of the ideas we think could make the show worth watching.

VERY few cameos by main Saga characters

Let me get this out of the way right now. I'm actually GLAD that there's no effort being made to include some of the characters. Firstly, there would be an absolute casting nightmare in that NOBODY will be 100% happy with the choices made for characters like Han Solo.

For another thing, they've had between three and six films devoted to their storylines, as well as countless Expanded Universe novels of varying degrees of quality. For every New Jedi Order story, there's a Planet of Twilight that tips the balance back towards shit. Nothing, however, can compare to Thrawn and the awesomeness that is he.

Now, unfortunately, canon dictates that Thrawn is not part of the TV series in any shape or form, simply because he isn't in known space (or indeed heard of) at the time of the Original Trilogy, so it stands to reason that much to my chagrin Thrawn will not be around to make the TV series more awesome. However, there is nothing that says certain characters cannot make the odd appearance. Despite what I mentioned earlier, I think Han Solo can stand to make the odd appearance without TOO much backlash, as long as he appears in some sort of fan service role, or maybe in the background of a scene in a way that can make Original Trilogy fans happy.

Some other characters I can see in a cool little cameo include Admiral Ackbar, because let's face it: who doesn't walk into any dodgy situation nowadays and shout "It's a trap!"? I'd love to see some backstory explanation that explains just why he became so skeptical. Add to that some sort of Lando Calrissian side-story, and most Star Wars fans will be pissing their pants with excitement. Everyone Loves Lando. Incidentally, if the series DOESN'T end up being called that, I'll be fucking surprised.

Move around as little as possible within episodes

Understandably, the series will surely go from planet to planet within a vast universe, but at the same time too much jumping around from place to place within a short space of time will just make the series convoluted and hard to follow. A much better idea, I feel, is to make each episode root itself in one central planet, and then MAYBE allow for a little movement here and there depending on the storyline. Obviously, to go a number of episodes without moving at all would be illogical, as there's plenty of scope for travel. The only situation under which moving around might not make sense is if there is a heavy presence on Coruscant.

Of course, there are a few planets that might make no sense regardless of the storyline context. There's no real sense in going back to Mustafar, simply because it's got nothing to do with anyone except Palpatine, Kenobi and Vader. Kenobi's a recluse, Palpatine and Vader aren't going to be in it. See? No logic. There are understandably plenty of planets that do make sense. Obviously Coruscant makes sense from several points of view. It's the Imperial capital, so as well as anything to do with Imperial military there'll be sabotage and espionage missions, as well as the aforementioned loyalty issues.

Combining the possible cameo of Lando Calrissian being included, and a side-plot involving Cloud City would be made of epic win. In terms of planets that could be cool, we really didn't see enough of Geonosis or indeed any sort of detail about Coruscant beyond a few buildings. I personally would like to see some fan service for some of the planets that were really only developed in Expanded Universe territory. Let's see some plot lines on Nar Shaddaa or Nal Hutta, they make for a good film-noir/detective style stories.

Boba Fett

Come on, this one's a no-brainer. Ever since we watched Jango come a cropper of Samuel L. Jackson (just like so many motherfuckin' snakes on a motherfuckin' plane) in Episode 2, we've been hoping he'll surface somewhere. There was even a significant number of people who wanted to see him in some way appear in Episode 3, even though he'd have been all of about twelve years old at the time.

Boba Fett, though it pains me to say it, is technically one of the more over-rated Star Wars characters if you go by the films only. You can count the number of lines of dialogue on one hand in Episode 5, and the amount of screen time he gets in Episode 6 is criminal before his seeming demise at the hands of a blind guy with a stick and dumb luck. He gets a few minutes screen time in Episode 2, where he watches his dad get relieved of that troublesome head by the aforementioned Samuel L. Jackson (And for those nit-pickers, the head DOES fall out as the helmet comes on). He NEEDS more screen time to avenge the geeks who stand by him so, or all is lost. When I say "all", by the way, I mean "not a lot"; it's not like it's a question of credibility.

Encouragingly, Lucas has given the impression that Boba Fett is going to be part of the new series, but how best to use him? In this humble blogger's opinion, the solution is simple: Make him the indirect focus of a story arc. Depending on how many episodes the series runs at per season, the main plot of four to six episodes could be one of the characters in the series trying their best to evade Boba Fett, with talk of Fett in the background establishing him as a fearsome character to tangle with. This could work well in a Moby Dick style, as most of the book is spent talking of the whale before it surfaces. Let's just hope if they were to go for this option, they didn't end up making the ending a total anticlimax like Jaws. Producers, if you're listening: Whale, not shark.



More to come next week...

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Miss March follows Eugene Bell, a young man who suffers an accident on prom night causing him to lose his girlfriend Cindi, but not his virginity. Waking up years later, Eugene finds that she has hit the big time as the latest Playboy Playmate. Eugene and Tucker embark on a whirl-wind cross-country journey to win Cindi back… aided by a motley crew of strippers, wanna-be rappers and lesbians along the way!

Thanks to our friends at 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment, we've got three copies of Miss March to give away! For your chance of winning one, send us an e-mail to missmarchgiveaway@rocketmail.com with your name and postal address before midday on Monday 8th March (UK time). The first three names drawn out of the electronic hat will win a free copy!