Gaming Reviews

Starpoint Gemini
Iceberg Interactive/LGM
Available now - £24.99 (PC only)
Review by Rob Wade

Players will freely traverse the rich and filled vastness of the Gemini star system, fight skirmishes, trade commodities, research anomalies, buy new vessels, upgrade their ships with state-of-the-art technology, increase their experience and rank to learn more powerful manoeuvres, and ultimately use all that in large scale engagements against hostile ships and even fleets.

Does this sound in any way familiar, perhaps to those who might have played Freelancer? There’s a good reason for this: the game is a poor man’s Freelancer. No small task, either, considering how cheaply you can get that game nowadays. This game lacks the charisma, technical achievement or indeed playability of a game that was released many years ago and can be obtained at considerably less cost than this game.

Let’s go with the positive first: Space is awesome, and this game does a really good job of creating scale and size. The planets look immense in comparison to everything, the ships have a good sense of scale relative to each other (such as space stations compared to capital ships compared to star fighters) and the backdrops against which you are usually flying are nothing short of breath-taking.

It’s a shame, however, that the same cannot be said for the character models, ships and any objects on the map, which all look rough around the edges and drab. It’s a weird one, considering just *how* nice the environments are, especially as apart from plot-specific ships there are no other ships on the map at any time.

Sound and music is also a point of contention. Though the music is absolutely great, the sounds and voiceovers are really poor. At one point, I was navigating a space station to hear a smoke alarm go off. A smoke alarm. At first, I thought my flat was on fire, then I realised it was the game. I had to explain *that* to the Fire Brigade, so thanks Iceberg. Thanks for that.

I’d like to say that this game redeems itself in some way, but it really doesn’t apart from the backdrops and music. After spending a lengthy amount of time working on a character and taking him through the tutorial, the game reset my character selection and put me back to the default character. I can’t help but feel: what’s the point of having a character creation system? The controls are fiddly and unintuitive, and especially during combat where your ship physically needs to be facing forward to even shoot at the enemy, but the ship doesn’t move fast enough to turn around before the enemy can get behind you again.

Most damningly of all, the ship can only move on one plain of space, not up or down. If you think of a picture, and imagine that the middle third has space and ships and asteroids in it, the third above and below are apparently empty. You’d think when someone is programming a game about space, they would obey the laws of motion. Just a thought.

The Emotionally Fourteen Games Rating
Graphics: Nice backdrops let down by everything else looking rubbish.
Sound/Music: Nice music, sounds and voices are not so good.
Gameplay: Fiddly and unintuitive.
Lasting Appeal: Not much there really, two storylines to play through but the controls may not let you get that far.
Summary: A poorly made game, which probably doesn’t need to exist on any plain of existence, but certainly the middle third. 2/10

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Gray Matter
Lace Mama Global
Available Now - £29.99 (PC (Version Tested)) & £39.99 (Xbox 360)
Review by Blake Harmer

From Jane Jenson, creator of the popular Gabriel Knight series of games, comes Gray Matter, a game that centres around Dr Styles, a scientist who is trying to make contact his dead wife, and Samantha, a street magician who cons her way into being his assistant. As strange phenomena start to occur around the city, it is up to them both to find an explanation for them.

Gray Matter has the workings of a great game that is ultimately let down in its execution and could have been so much more. That isn’t to say that this isn’t a good game, though. Where Gray Matter works, it works very well. The plot is compelling and holds your interest throughout despite being a bit slow at times. The inventory based puzzles revolve around items used in magic tricks, which is a nice touch to the overall theme and the characters are unique and very well thought out in terms of storytelling. The graphics and presentation of the game are also very good.

However, where Gray Matter ultimately goes wrong is in the puzzles, which are for the most part too easy and in some cases feel like padding to stop the player advancing too quickly through the game. Also, even if you can guess a solution to a puzzle, you still have to go through most dialogue options until your character comes to the same conclusion, which makes you feel that any spark of genius on your part is fruitless as you may get there anyway from clicking around the screen until you find it.

The Emotionally Fourteen Games Rating
Graphics: A very pretty looking point-and-click adventure with decent animation and lighting effects.
Sound/Music: Some nice music and decent voice acting carries the feel and mood of the story brilliantly.
Gameplay: The puzzles here are mostly either too easy or seem to try to pad out the game rather than test your own “grey matter”.
Lasting Appeal: The story will keep you gripped until its conclusion, but there isn’t much replay value upon completion though.
Summary: A brilliant, well thought out story let down by the fact it has to be a game. But if you love your stories and your point-and-click games, you should still give this a look as it is worth the perseverance. I would like to see a sequel here as the characters are well designed and work well in contrast to each other. 6/10

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Armada 2526: Supernova
Iceberg Interactive
Available Now - £14.99 (PC)
Review by Blake Harmer

As an expansion pack to Armada 2526, which we originally reviewed back in July, Supernova decides to give you more choice to your strategy. With more planets, systems and areas to explore, as well as two new races to play as on top of the games (rather generous) twelve.

If you were one of the few people to fall for Armada 2526 despite its flaws, then you won’t be disappointed by what this expansion pack has to offer. The two extra races along with their new ships breathes plenty of life into the game, not counting the new areas and planets to explore which adds even enjoyment to be had out of the diplomacy and micromanagement side of the game. Also the ability to now play via LAN or via e-mail (if anyone still does that) also adds longevity with the ability to play against your friends at your own leisure.

However, what this expansion doesn’t do is try to rectify any of the flaws inherent in the original game. Combat is still woefully bad and this is still a crippling flaw to an otherwise good strategy game, providing you love your micro management.

The Emotionally Fourteen Games Rating
Graphics: The same nice 2D visuals and the same crappy 3D animation. Not that I was expecting an improvement in this area.
Sound/Music: The music is still annoying and the sound effects still need improving, even with the new ships.
Gameplay: A strong and in-depth turn-based strategy game ruined by its RTS battles, which seems lazy and rushed in comparison. The addition of LAN and the ability to play against friends via e-mail does improve the enjoyment though.
Lasting Appeal: Tacticians with a love of diplomacy and lots of micro-management will find plenty to keep them entertained, as long as they don’t mind that all the combat comes down to tank-rushing your opponent over and over again.
Summary: As with most expansion packs, Supernova sets out to give you more of the same, and it accomplishes that in bucket loads, which is impressive considering it already was a pretty big game. For fans this is worth investing in. If only the combat could have been fixed... 7/10

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E14 ARCADE

Section 8: Prejudice
Timegate
Available now on Xbox Live (1200 MS Points)

Section 8: Prejudice is a first person shooter of the Halo variety, from its science-fictiony futuristic setting even down as far as the inclusion of jetpacks (which did make it into the first game, but were generally done as well in Halo Reach).

The game looks fantastic, with really detailed colourful landscapes and rich, lush scenery. The gameplay is a solid first-person shooter, with a 5-hour campaign (quite large for an Arcade game, and only just less than Homefront) and up to 32-player multiplayer. There’s certainly value for money in this game, particularly when you consider that Call of Duty: Black Ops will only give you a few maps for the same price with their add-ons. The guns and gadgets work well in the game as well, with only minor niggles on the use of tools and grenades among the small problems I had.

The only problem I found with it from playing the trial is that the gameplay can be a little repetitive, and the controls on the zoom can also be occasionally fiddly. Well worth picking up if shooters are your bag, though.

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Fancy Pants Adventures
EA/Over The Top Games
Available now on Xbox Live (800 MS Points), PSN (£7.99)

Fancy Pants Adventures is a side-scrolling platform game in the vein of Sonic The Hedgehog mixed with Prince of Persia. The game sees you, as Fancy Pants, running around colourful hand-drawn landscapes completing quests to save your sister from pirates who have kidnapped her in order to train her up as their new captain.

The game’s style is like Marmite: you will either love it or hate it. I liked it personally, as the game looks really nice in motion and has a unique styling to it. The music, however, was a sticking point for me, and it grated after a while. The gameplay is enjoyable enough, but the controls are fiddly at times, with the game not registering the occasional jump which can cause problems during fast-moving precision sections or boss fights.

This one’s not something I would personally pick up, but if you’re after a game that’s fast-paced, with a unique style and some decent challenge (as well as up to 4 player multiplayer), you could do a lot worse than Fancy Pants Adventures.

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THE CITY IS THE BATTLEFIELD

Steven Seagal (Under Siege, Machete) stars as Elijah Kane, the head of a crack undercover police unit ridding the Seattle streets of its deadly criminals.

Kane and his team are in a race against the clock to bring to justice the coldblooded gang who is behind the lethal drug that is raising the body count of young people in city. To make matters worse, Kane's unit is ordered to protect a filmmaker who's set on exposing the city's most dangerous city slums at any cost... Even if it means risking the lives of Kane's hard-knock team.

Thanks to our friends at Optimum Home Entertainment, we've got three copies of Street Wars to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Thursday 28th April, making sure to put "Street Wars" as the subject. The first three entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Street Wars" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Street Wars is available from Monday 25th April, priced £15.99 (DVD) and £19.99 (Blu-ray).

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Red Weed

EXPLOSIVODE XIII: HOW I ENDED UP PUNCHING A PRIEST

After getting this sudden lesson in the kerspolsive power of terrestrial weapons, the Marsians retreated back to Horsell Common; and, encumbered with the debris of their smashed douche-brother, they no doubt overlooked such a heroic and muscular figure as myself. Had they left their dead buddy and just pushed on, there was nothing between them and London but twelve-pounder guns, and the Marsians would certainly have reached the capital in advance of the news of their arrival.

But they were in no hurry.

Cylinder followed cylinder on its interplanetary flight; every twenty-four hours brought them reinforcement. And meanwhile the military and naval authorities, now fully alive to the tremendous power of the Marsians, worked with furious energy. Every minute a fresh gun came into position until, before nightfall, every row of suburban villas on the hills about masked an expectant black muzzle. And through the charred and desolated area that encircled the Marsian encampment on Horsell Common, through charred and ruined villages among the green trees, through the blackened and smoking arcades that had been but a day ago pine forests, crawled the devoted scouts that were presently to warn the gunners of the Marsian approach.

While the Marsians behind me were preparing for their next advance, and in front of me Humanity gathered for the battle, I made my way with many heroic struggle from the fire and smoke of burning Weybridge towards London.

I saw an abandoned boat, very small and remote, drifting down-stream; and, throwing off all of my sodden clothes (save, obviously, for my socks and pants), I went after it, gained it, and so escaped out of that destruction. There were no oars in the boat, but I managed to paddle as well as my hands would allow. Down the river the going was very tedious and I had to continually look behind me, as I was buggered if I could get that thing to paddle straight.

For a long time I drifted. The sun scorched my bare back. At last, as the bridge at Walton was coming into sight round the bend, my fever and faintness didn’t overcome me, and I landed on the Middlesex bank where I definitely did not lay down and be sick amid the long grass. I suppose the time was then about four or five o'clock. I got up presently, walked perhaps half a mile without meeting a soul, and then didn’t collapse in a hedge.

I do not clearly remember the arrival of the curate, so I was probably napping. I became aware of him as a seated figure in soot-smudged shirt sleeves, and with his stupid, clean-shaven face staring at a faint flickering that danced over the sky.

I sat up, and at the rustle of my motion he looked at me quickly, putting away his 3DS.

"Have you got any caffeine?" I asked abruptly.

"You have been asking that for the last hour," he said.

For a moment we were silent, taking stock of each other. I dare say he found me a strange enough figure, naked, save for my water-soaked pants and socks, scalded, my face and shoulders blackened by the smoke, a crossbow at my back, Storm Bolter at my hip and desperately clutching a franking machine. His face was a fair weakness, his chin retreated, and his hair lay in crisp, almost flaxen curls on his low forehead; his eyes were rather large, pale blue, and blankly staring. He spoke abruptly, looking vacantly away from me.

"What does it mean?" he said. "What do these things mean?"

I stared at him and made no answer.

He extended a thin white hand and spoke in almost a complaining tone. "Why are these things permitted? What sins have we done? The morning service was over, I was walking through the roads to clear my brain for the afternoon, and then — fire, earthquake, death! As if it were Sodom and Gomorrah! All our work undone, all the work — What are these Marsians?"

"I dunno." I answered, clearing my throat. “Blokes, I guess.”

He gripped his knees and turned to look at me again. For half a hour, perhaps, he stared silently.

"I was walking through the roads to clear my brain," he said. "And suddenly — fire, earthquake, death!"

He paused for a while, but presently he began waving his hand.

"All the work...all the Sunday schools...What have we done...what has Weybridge done? Everything gone...everything destroyed. The church! We rebuilt it only three years ago. Gone! Swept out of existence! Why? The smoke of her burning goeth up for ever and ever!" he shouted.

His eyes flamed, and he pointed a lean finger in the direction of Weybridge. By this time I was beginning to take his measure, and slowly cock the crossbow. The tremendous tragedy in which he had been involved (it was evident he was a fugitive from Weybridge) had driven him to the very verge of his reason.

"Are we far from Sunbury?" I asked, in a matter-of-fact tone.

"What are we to do? Are these creatures everywhere? Has the earth been given over to them?"

"Are we far from Sunbury?"

"Only this morning I...”

"Things have changed," I said, quietly punching him. “There is still hope."

"Hope!"

"Yes. Of course there is!" I lied.

I began to explain my view of our position. He listened at first, but as I went on the interest dawning in his eyes gave place to their former stare, and his regard wandered from me.

"This must be the beginning of the end," he said, interrupting me. "The end! The great and terrible day of the Lord! When men shall call upon the mountains and the rocks to fall upon them and hide them...hide them from the face of Him that sitteth upon the throne!"

"You are scared out of your wits!” said I. “What good is religion if it collapses under calamity? Think of what earthquakes and floods, wars and volcanoes, have done before to men! Anyway, it’s all just made-up, isn’t it?"

For a time he sat in blank silence.

"But how can we escape?" he asked, suddenly. "They are invulnerable, they are pitiless."

“One of them was killed yonder not three hours ago." I answered. “I took it down myself armed with only a small Howitzer.”

"What is that flicker in the sky?" he asked abruptly.

"We are in the midst of it," I said, "quiet as it is. That flicker in the sky tells of the gathering storm. Yonder, I take it are the Marsians, and Londonward, where those hills rise about Richmond and Kingston and the trees give cover, earthworks are being thrown up and guns are being placed. Presently the Marsians will be coming this way again."

And even as I spoke he sprang to his feet and stopped me by a gesture.

"Listen!" he said.

From beyond the low hills across the water came the dull resonance of distant guns and a remote weird crying. Then everything was still.

"We had better follow this path," I said, "northward. Away from the scary things."

Discover the movie that delivered the biggest box-office opening in Korean Cinema history and experience breathtaking hi-octane thrills from the celebrated action-director of 'The Good, The Bad and The Weird' and 'Brotherhood'.

When a dark lord obtains the secret to unimaginable power, an elite army of shape-shifting goblins threatens to destroy the world, as we know it. However, just when all seems to be lost, a great warrior-wizard, named Woochi, travels through time to fight for the future of all mankind.

Words: Brad Harmer & H.G. Wells
You can become Brad's "friend" on Facebook, or you can "follow" him on Twitter. Depends how creepy you want to sound really.

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WOOCHI - THE DEMON SLAYER GIVEAWAY

Discover the movie that delivered the biggest box-office opening in Korean Cinema history and experience breathtaking hi-octane thrills from the celebrated action-director of The Good, The Bad and The Weird and Brotherhood.

When a dark lord obtains the secret to unimaginable power, an elite army of shape-shifting goblins threatens to destroy the world, as we know it. However, just when all seems to be lost, a great warrior-wizard, named Woochi, travels through time to fight for the future of all mankind.

Thanks to our friends at Cina Asia, we've got three copies of Woochi - The Demon Slayer to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Wednesday 27th April, making sure to put "Woochi - The Demon Slayer" as the subject. The first three entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Woochi - The Demon Slayer" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Woochi - The Demon Slayer is available from Monday 25th April, priced £17.99 (DVD) and £24.99 (Blu-ray).

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.

Book Reviews

Warhammer 40,000: The Fall of Damnos
Nick Kyme
Black Library/Games Workshop
Available Now - £8.99 (Paperback)
Review by Brad Harmer

When Damnos is hit by cataclysmic earthquakes, an ancient force is awakened. Deep beneath the earth, the necrons rise from their slumber to decimate the human populace. All appears lost until salvation comes from the heavens - the Ultramarines brave an orbital bombardment to deploy their forces on Damnos, led by two legendary warriors - Captain Cato Sicarius and Chief Librarian Tigurius. They are the planet's last, great hope against the remorseless alien foes, but tensions within their ranks threaten to derail victory. As battle rages on Damnos, and the Ultramarines seek to defeat their soulless enemies, Tigurius receives a terrible vision - a vision telling of the death of a hero...

The Space Marine Battles books are a funny thing to try and critique. They’re all gunfire and explosions and paper-thin characters, but strangely enjoyable nonetheless; and Warhammer 40,000: The Fall of Damnos is no exception. The action scenes are spectacularly well done, almost cinematic in terms of their impact, and – shock horror – there’s actually some good character building scenes in this one, too.

When a squad of Ultramarines is forced to team up with some human survivalists-turned-guerrilla fighters, there’s a fair amount of tension and distrust between the two units, despite the fact that they should be united by a common enemy. Kyme manages to get across the ego of the Adeptus Astartes incredibly well, yet still managing to pain them as the good guys.

Ultimately, though, The Fall of Damnos is still, at its heart , a Battles book, with all the flimsy and shoddily constructed things that implies. It’s great fun while it lasts, but once it’s over, it leaves you wondering what was so fun about it all.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating
Violence: In the grim darkness of the far future there is only something something.
Sex/Nudity: None.
Swearing: None.
Summary: An enjoyable entry in the Space Marine Battles series, but nothing spectacular. The Necrons could have done with a touch more description, and there needed to be more time spent on the Dreadnoughts. 7/10

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COMICS CORNER

2000 AD #1730
Available from Wednesday 20th April
Review by Brad Harmer

Who’s that drawing Judge Dredd this week? Fuck me, that’s Bryan Talbot!

Judge Dredd this week is one of the best short stories that we’ve had in a long time – and not just thanks to the welcome (although, sadly, one off) return of Bryan Talbot. The artwork is nothing short of spectacular, of course, but the story is what really carries it. Dredd is hardly in it at all, and I can’t say much for fear of spoilers, but I can only hope this moving story is one that heralds the start of another, larger arc.

Pat Mills’ Flesh continues at a strong pace, and I can’t shake the feeling that maybe...just maybe...the artwork seems to be picking up, too.

Dandridge comes to an action packed conclusion this week, and I look forward to its return already.

Another Twisted Tale, another fistful of pretentious wank filling up the pages. Oh, well.

The Red Seas rounds off the issue nicely with strong character development, and a nice addition to the overall folklore of the series. Good stuff.

All in all (apart from the Twisted Tales) this is a really solid issue, and the Judge Dredd story alone is worth the asking price. 8/10

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BLACK MIRROR 3 GIVEAWAY

Experience the final chapter of the thrilling and critically acclaimed saga that captured the imagination of the adventure community! The story takes place in the 1990's, twelve years after Black Mirror and just seven minutes after the cliffhanger ending of Black Mirror II. It starts all over again when Darren is arrested and accused of homicide and malicious arson...

Black Mirror 3, like its predecessor, delivers a classic point & click adventure in 2.5D technology. The game uses a combination of stunning two-dimensional backgrounds, and detailed three-dimensional characters, and utilizes the power of the Black Mirror II graphics engine to deliver breathtaking visuals.

The story centers on the Black Mirror castle in Willow Creek, and surrounding areas, thus tracing its roots to the original Black Mirror. Players can explore a total of sixty-two different locations, some of which may be familiar to players of the original game, and all locations have a completely new graphical look.

The story connects with the end of Black Mirror II, and promises a deep, mysterious story, including two playable characters.

After his flight into the woods, Darren stands with a burning torch in his hand, and turns to look back at the blaze engulfing Black Mirror Castle. Confusion reigns...

A short time later, he barely reacts as the handcuffs are closed on his wrists. The police have arrested Darren as their main suspect, and subject him to extensive questioning. But Darren is numb to the events occurring around him, and he withdraws into a deep emptiness.

After three weeks of detention - and tormented by sleepless nights, nightmare-like visions, and the chilling specter of murder and death - Darren is set free. Darren is now alone. He must try to find out what has happened, and lift the veil on his clouded past. What did he really see with those jet black eyes, what does the nightmare mean? Who is the mysterious person who posted bail and set him free? What dark force lies behind the tangled web of riddles, mysterious secrets and entwined relationships?

The answers to all these questions await puzzle fans in the six chapters of this exciting adventure game.

Thanks to our friends at Lace Mamba Global, we've got three copies of Black Mirror 3 to give away! For your chance of winning, send your name and full postal address to emotionally14@hotmail.co.uk before midday on Tuesday 26th April, making sure to put "Black Mirror 3" as the subject. The first three entries out of the electronic hat after the competition closes will receive a free copy!

Don't forget to put "Black Mirror 3" in the subject line. Incorrectly labelled or blank entries will be discarded.

Black Mirror 3 is available from Friday 22nd April, priced £29.99.

Entries limited to one per household. Offer open only to postal addresses in the UK and Ireland.